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  1. #1
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    Default apparently I'm intimidating...

    over the past few months, I've been described by various people (especially coworkers... even ones visiting our office on business trips!) as intimidating... even by people who like me... I really have no clue why

    what makes a person intimidating?

    should a person realize this?

    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  2. #2
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    over the past few months, I've been described by various people (especially coworkers... even ones visiting our office on business trips!) as intimidating... even by people who like me... I really have no clue why

    what makes a person intimidating?

    should a person realize this?

    I think I experience the same thing, but I probably don't interact as much as you, so don't deal with it often. Even friends I've known for 10 years+ sometimes get too sensitive about comments or jokes, when I see them let others off the hook easily. Like they read too much seriousness into it.

    It could also be about appearances for some people. I know I'm tall and some might find that intimidating. In addition to that, maybe my facial features are a little different. This is only going by some friends' words though. I'm half-asian, and I guess that's different enough around here. My point is though if you're a minority race, big/tall/whatever, or maybe just carry yourself in a different way than others, I guess it's intimidating to some people. I don't know.

  3. #3
    Glycerine
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    People who seem really good w/people, charming, popular, successful
    People who do their own thing, very private, aloof
    People who seem very edgy, strong opinionated, won't let others walk over them, blunt
    People who seem to possess a rare quality that most others don't possess, like extremely good looks, high IQ, athleticism

    A lot of intimidating people seem to have a mixture of these things to a higher degree than others (based on perception).

  4. #4
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    but I'm not tall!

    I have been told that it's a mix of competence, comfort anywhere and unwillingness to take bullshit from anyone, no matter how "important" they may be that leads people to be intimidated... that and a fondness for black eyeliner!

    why would people be afraid of someone who's good at what they do though? wouldn't you want to figure out how they do it instead?
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  5. #5
    Glycerine
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    People tend to compare themselves to others. If there is a sense of not "measuring up", there can be an "intimidation" factor. Much of it comes from the perception on the other person's end.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by whatever View Post
    why would people be afraid of someone who's good at what they do though? wouldn't you want to figure out how they do it instead?
    Not if they don't see a ready way to replicate it.

  7. #7
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    weird... I'd think that it would make more sense to want to learn from others who are competent so that you can be good enough to surpass them someday! or at least get close to them so that you can mooch off of their work...

    people are really weird
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  8. #8
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    I think that's easier to do when you have a realistic but secure view on your capacities and limitations, as well as a willingness to depend on people. For those who don't necessarily have those things in high quantities, it's far more difficult to mooch off someone else's skills without somehow feeling inferior and defensive in comparison.

  9. #9
    not to be trusted miss fortune's Avatar
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    I've always just thought that people who are good at things are the ones to watch until you're good enough to beat them at what they do! odd...
    “Oh, we're always alright. You remember that. We happen to other people.” -Terry Pratchett

  10. #10
    Glycerine
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    So it just pretty much means you are VERY competent w/ a lot of things going for you. In a twisted way, it's like a compliment.

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