apparently I'm intimidating...

[LucidLegend1984]

maybe cuz you look like uncle Jesse from full house.

Well shit...

What's up with the avatar? A little excited for Expendables 2 or something?

 

[Coriolis]

One thought that immediately comes to mind is that you're a bit more prone to risk-taking and expressing what you really think. People like that are considered often considered intimidating. Also, you can be kind of random, and that might not be expected. A lot of people really just feel intimidated by ANYTHING that goes against their expectations.

You are onto something here. This is especially true when people go against expectations deliberately and with good results.

I find this interesting - it seems to illustrate the disparity that we sometimes encounter between how we see ourselves, and how we come across to others - and especially how unaware of it we often are.

I have often observed the same myself. Moreover, some of the feedback I do get can appear contradictory. I have been called intense, even scary. Outside of work, people sometimes seem intimidated when they learn about my occupation, or some of my hobbies. On the other hand, I have also been called polite, considerate, and a good "team player". I suppose it is possible to be all of the above. I don't consciously try to intimidate, though I do tend to be direct and results-focused.

 

[garbage]

A lot of people really just feel intimidated by ANYTHING that goes against their expectations.

I highlight the thing that [MENTION=9811]Coriolis[/MENTION] highlights, because it's so, so true. In conversation, people often expect one another to stick to scripts; deviating from the script can be seen as differing from the norm, which can in turn be seen as threatening or intimidating. More generally, yeah--bucking expectations leads to intimidation.

I am not usually outwardly intimidating, but I do not adhere to some 'norms' such as the 8-to-5 job, sticking to 'one's own kind,' necessarily marrying someone of the same race, being closeted about therapy and other life experiences, adhering to a religion, so on and so forth. I only 'assert' my idiosyncrasies (a) by demonstrating them (e.g. walking down the street as an interracial couple) and (b) when asked my opinion. So, I'm not afraid to assert them, insofar as they naturally manifest in me. Even that sometimes offends people--they find it offensive that things outside of their own beliefs and customs actually exist. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I am not going to give up the things that work well for me and that I find to be true just to appease them.

(Yeah, seriously, I have had people become offended at the fact that I do not have a regular 8-5 job.)

Other than that.. I'm only aggressive when I need to defend myself or when someone else is being aggressive and the opposing point of view needs to be heard and aggression is the only way--otherwise, I'm usually tactful and diplomatic. That's my nature.

and directness is supposed to be a good thing, I thought

Ideally, yes. But no matter how unambiguous our delivery, it's a fact of life that people read into what we say through the lens of their own experiences. Sometimes, even if we are very direct with our thoughts, we'll get a "fine; I knew you hated me," or a "so are you saying that _____?"

In those cases, we can either choose to tailor our message to them, attempt to earn their trust so that we can be more direct with them in the future, avoid certain subjects of conversation with them, avoid contact with them at all, or continue to press onward with our unheard direct messages.

We must also recognize that even the most direct among us read things into things from time to time.

 

[miss fortune]

I apparently fail at most of the stereotypes that apply to me... I'm a country girl who moved to the city and has been with the same guy of a different race for several years, I'm a small female who runs a team of successful men quite efficiently and I'm a girl who tends to take on the guys and win in a male dominated industry... not to mention that I'm not particularly cuddly, I tend to prefer to fix problems when people bitch to me than to empathize with them and I'm a total failure at most basic female tasks... and I tend to hang out with the boys instead of having female friends

I wasn't aware that those things set a person up to be intimidating

also, according to a few coworkers who like me but still think that I'm intimidating, the fact that I'm blunt, competitive, hold myself to high standards, have a quick temper and am completely neurotic about certain things doesn't help... and that's the ones who DON'T know my mental health history

 

[highlander]

People who seem really good w/people, charming, popular, successful
People who do their own thing, very private, aloof
People who seem very edgy, strong opinionated, won't let others walk over them, blunt
People who seem to possess a rare quality that most others don't possess, like extremely good looks, high IQ, athleticism

A lot of intimidating people seem to have a mixture of these things to a higher degree than others (based on perception).

I agree with these things. It's usually someone who has an assertive interaction style and has power over you that is intimidating.

also, according to a few coworkers who like me but still think that I'm intimidating, the fact that I'm blunt, competitive, hold myself to high standards, have a quick temper and am completely neurotic about certain things doesn't help... and that's the ones who DON'T know my mental health history

Being blunt and having a quick temper make a difference. I don't know why holding yourself to high standards, being competent or competitive would matter. As far as being neurotic - if you are unpredictable, that could add to it.

 

[miss fortune]

People who seem really good w/people, charming, popular, successful
People who do their own thing, very private, aloof
People who seem very edgy, strong opinionated, won't let others walk over them, blunt
People who seem to possess a rare quality that most others don't possess, like extremely good looks, high IQ, athleticism

A lot of intimidating people seem to have a mixture of these things to a higher degree than others (based on perception).

oh no I've always done my own thing and am the least social of the group, am good at my job, blunt, strongly opinionated, virtually impossible to boss around (my old boss once made the mistake of trying... I just stared back at him and went on doing my thing... he backed down and gave me an interview... possibly out of respect for not backing down knowing him ) and have been regarded as one of the most book smart people there... I guess I never reflected on things of the sort until I got described as intimidating several times in one week and wondered "WHY?!?!?"

Being blunt and having a quick temper make a difference. I don't know why holding yourself to high standards, being competent or competitive would matter. As far as being neurotic - if you are unpredictable, that could add to it.

apparently it does in the aspect of "there's no boss worse than a good boss, because who do you have to blame for your failure then?" in the words of a coworker... that and it is a competitive atmosphere

and not unpredictable really... but I have made an interview go up 8 flights of stairs once out of fear of elevators