apparently I'm intimidating...

[miss fortune]

over the past few months, I've been described by various people (especially coworkers... even ones visiting our office on business trips!) as intimidating... even by people who like me... I really have no clue why

what makes a person intimidating?

should a person realize this?

 

[KDude]

over the past few months, I've been described by various people (especially coworkers... even ones visiting our office on business trips!) as intimidating... even by people who like me... I really have no clue why

what makes a person intimidating?

should a person realize this?

I think I experience the same thing, but I probably don't interact as much as you, so don't deal with it often. Even friends I've known for 10 years+ sometimes get too sensitive about comments or jokes, when I see them let others off the hook easily. Like they read too much seriousness into it.

It could also be about appearances for some people. I know I'm tall and some might find that intimidating. In addition to that, maybe my facial features are a little different. This is only going by some friends' words though. I'm half-asian, and I guess that's different enough around here. My point is though if you're a minority race, big/tall/whatever, or maybe just carry yourself in a different way than others, I guess it's intimidating to some people. I don't know.

 

[Glycerine]

People who seem really good w/people, charming, popular, successful
People who do their own thing, very private, aloof
People who seem very edgy, strong opinionated, won't let others walk over them, blunt
People who seem to possess a rare quality that most others don't possess, like extremely good looks, high IQ, athleticism

A lot of intimidating people seem to have a mixture of these things to a higher degree than others (based on perception).

 

[miss fortune]

but I'm not tall!

I have been told that it's a mix of competence, comfort anywhere and unwillingness to take bullshit from anyone, no matter how "important" they may be that leads people to be intimidated... that and a fondness for black eyeliner!

why would people be afraid of someone who's good at what they do though? wouldn't you want to figure out how they do it instead?

 

[Glycerine]

People tend to compare themselves to others. If there is a sense of not "measuring up", there can be an "intimidation" factor. Much of it comes from the perception on the other person's end.

 

[011235813]

why would people be afraid of someone who's good at what they do though? wouldn't you want to figure out how they do it instead?

Not if they don't see a ready way to replicate it.

 

[miss fortune]

weird... I'd think that it would make more sense to want to learn from others who are competent so that you can be good enough to surpass them someday! or at least get close to them so that you can mooch off of their work...

people are really weird

 

[011235813]

I think that's easier to do when you have a realistic but secure view on your capacities and limitations, as well as a willingness to depend on people. For those who don't necessarily have those things in high quantities, it's far more difficult to mooch off someone else's skills without somehow feeling inferior and defensive in comparison.

 

[miss fortune]

I've always just thought that people who are good at things are the ones to watch until you're good enough to beat them at what they do! odd...

 

[Glycerine]

So it just pretty much means you are VERY competent w/ a lot of things going for you. In a twisted way, it's like a compliment.

 

[miss fortune]

just good at what I do and I take pride in it... nothing out of the ordinary!

hmmm... flattery... but I don't WANT to scare anyone!

 

[KDude]

Outside the work stuff, how do people respond to you? Are you different? I noticed that my post wasn't even about anything professional, but friends or strangers. As far as work settings go, I don't understand it either. I've never minded asking for help or seeing someone's expertise.

 

[miss fortune]

I'm pretty antisocial when not at work... though I know of people who are scared of me out of work as well

 

[Southern Kross]

I have been told that it's a mix of competence, comfort anywhere and unwillingness to take bullshit from anyone, no matter how "important" they may be that leads people to be intimidated... that and a fondness for black eyeliner!

why would people be afraid of someone who's good at what they do though? wouldn't you want to figure out how they do it instead?

Hmmm, that is a little odd.

Do you work in a very competitive environment? Sometimes that can make people be threatened by the competency of others. Or perhaps they don't feel they can relate to you because you seem too strong and secure about such things, where they feel uneasy. I can sometimes be intimidated by people who seem totally confident and unfazed by anything, because I must seem useless in comparison. Also some people read assertiveness as aggression and that can make interactions feel like borderline conflict for them - which a lot of people don't cope well with. It can also make people fearful that your unwillingness to take any crap, means they may potentially be in the firing line at some point.

I suppose sometimes people feel intimidated by what they perceive you might do, rather than what you actually do.

 

[miss fortune]

Hmmm, that is a little odd.

Do you work in a very competitive environment? Sometimes that can make people be threatened by the competency of others. Or perhaps they don't feel they can relate to you because you seem too strong and secure about such things, where they feel uneasy. I can sometimes be intimidated by people who seem totally confident and unfazed by anything, because I must seem useless in comparison. Also some people read assertiveness as aggression and that can make interactions feel like borderline conflict for them - which a lot of people don't cope well with. It can also make people fearful that your unwillingness to take any crap, means they may potentially be in the firing line at some point.

I suppose sometimes people feel intimidated by what they perceive you might do, rather than what you actually do.

it's definitely a competitive environment, though I've always been one of the first to reach out and help people who are struggling... as long as they have shown that they are willing to learn. I call people out on their bullshit whenever they do something stupid when they KNOW better than to do that, but I'm rather forgiving with new people who don't know any better... it's better to teach them so that they don't do it again than to yell at them when they don't know...

really... I haven't figured out something that seems like a sensible reason to me, though apparently comfort and competence can be intimidating according to others

 

[Society]

over the past few months, I've been described by various people (especially coworkers... even ones visiting our office on business trips!) as intimidating... even by people who like me... I really have no clue why

i see...

are you a hippy-haired 6'4 heavyweight man with a heavy accent physically different in apearance from the main ethinicty of the local population walking around with a chinese looking 5 years old boy and a petite blond woman who looks like a teenager (even though she is in her mid 20's) and wears too much makeup?

...cause apearently that will do it... learned it the hard way.

 

[ewomack]

If people see you calling others out on their BS and if you're even sometimes fairly blunt about it, that alone will intimidate loads of people, whether they admire you or your work or not. Sometimes just being blunt sends intimidating messages to a vast population that seems to recoil from any sort of confrontation. I don't know the first thing about you, but if you continually receive feedback that you're intimidating then I can only guess that you're very outspoken in a way that makes people uncomfortable. Whether that's good or bad I don't know.

 

[miss fortune]

I AM blunt about things most of the time... but I'm as nice about being blunt as possible

and even though I'm apparently intimidating, I'm also apparently well liked... suppose I can't be too upset about that

 

[SilkRoad]

I'm tall, I have a deep voice, I look independent (far more than I am in reality) and I am reportedly intelligent = intimidating

 

[Oaky]

I'd imagine it has to do with the certain forwardness you tend to possess with your communication. Great fun but others may find it difficult to reply on level terms.