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  1. #1
    ThatGirl
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    Default Something About People I Just Don't Understand

    It would seem to me, that every time someone has a problem with me, it doesn't matter whether their arguments hold any merit or not. The fact of the matter is, they have a problem with me. And, because that problem is so big, the goal is to make peace, by having myself compromise with that person.

    Then someone can have a problem with me, and regardless of whether their argument has merit or not, if I react back, other people actually sympathize with the person who had a problem to begin with. Despite my lack of participation initially.

    But, If I have a problem with someone. It seems petty, unjustified, and there is a logical reason for it. Something I can do on my end, some responsibility I have to avoid or correct the problem.

    I just...don't understand how the fuck this is all supposed to work?

    Insight or ideas?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Elisius's Avatar
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    Just calm down and look at it from their perspective. And if alot of people are coming out to say you're misbehaving, then you probably are. Nobody's perfect and we can all do with a little critical self-reflection.
    A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

  3. #3
    ThatGirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elisius View Post
    And if alot of people are coming out to say you're misbehaving, then you probably are. Nobody's perfect and we can all do with a little critical self-reflection.
    How extreme does this perspective go?

    Look at the source, and re-read the op.

  4. #4
    Administrator highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elisius View Post
    Just calm down and look at it from their perspective. And if alot of people are coming out to say you're misbehaving, then you probably are. Nobody's perfect and we can all do with a little critical self-reflection.
    I agree with this

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  5. #5
    ThatGirl
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    So every time someone has a problem with me, that is my problem? Despite every time I witness a problem, I view it as my responsibility to fix? This doesn't seem fair.

    Everything in the world seems like MY problem!

    Regardless of merit in the argument or not. In short, I am responsible for everyone else's feelings always.

    When do other people do the same thing I do? When do they take responsibility for themselves? Never, if it is always my problem, or I have the capability to account for and correct it.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Elisius's Avatar
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    All interactions are two way, a speaker and a listener, giver and receiver, when you confront someone about something you don't like, it becomes their choice to change, the same applies to you.
    And you have to consider that your opinion on whether someone's argument has merit or not is biased inherently, so it's good to talk to people you trust about it.
    A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. - Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.

  7. #7
    ThatGirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by Elisius View Post
    All interactions are two way, a speaker and a listener, giver and receiver, when you confront someone about something you don't like, it becomes their choice to change, the same applies to you.
    And you have to consider that your opinion on whether someone's argument has merit or not is biased inherently, so it's good to talk to people you trust about it.
    You're a crackpot.

  8. #8
    Secret Sex Freak Hazashin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    It would seem to me, that every time someone has a problem with me, it doesn't matter whether their arguments hold any merit or not. The fact of the matter is, they have a problem with me. And, because that problem is so big, the goal is to make peace, by having myself compromise with that person.

    Then someone can have a problem with me, and regardless of whether their argument has merit or not, if I react back, other people actually sympathize with the person who had a problem to begin with. Despite my lack of participation initially.

    But, If I have a problem with someone. It seems petty, unjustified, and there is a logical reason for it. Something I can do on my end, some responsibility I have to avoid or correct the problem.

    I just...don't understand how the fuck this is all supposed to work?

    Insight or ideas?
    I emphasize with this completely. I experience it all the time. As a matter of fact, I just had a conversation with someone who was like this (although not towards me). He basically became very attached to this girl he just started getting into a relationship with, and then the girl leaves him for another guy (who was her crush since 13 who just confessed his love for her) and gets angry to the point of wanting her to experience "LOTS AND LOTS OF PAIN."

    But, back to what you were saying, I suppose people are naturally inclined to take sides, and I guess they have more of an emotional response with the person experiencing the emotions. It's irrational, but that's my presumption.

    But, how to handle it? I'm still working on that...
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  9. #9
    ThatGirl
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    You know what I really, really, don't care.

    I don't fucking care at all.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Depends how you react or communicate that you've got a problem with someone.

    Often if you're reacting in a manner which perturbs people more than the original problem behaviour in someone else which you've recognised then they'll worry less about what triggered this reaction in you than about the reaction in you itself.

    Although there's a lot of other factors and context to be considered, there is not enough information but that's my two cents for what I know.

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