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  1. #11
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    I never apologize

    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  2. #12
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    First and foremost, I want the person to learn from the experience so it does not happen again. I also appreciate if he/she repairs any damage. To do either of these things, though, he/she must accept responsibility for the actions. I suppose this means I prefer accepting responsibility followed by making restitution and genuinely repenting (and doing better in future). For me, it is all about actions, not words.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  3. #13
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I think a lot of people don't care about or want apologies at all if they have been offended. It's no coincidence that these also happen to be the same people who have trouble apologizing to others for offending them. I'd be curious what people like this do want instead.
    I probably fit into this category. It is not so much that I don't want an apology, but rather that I seldom feel offended. I just don't take many things personally. The flip side of this is that if I offend someone else, I might not realize it at all, and therefore have no idea that I should apologize. So, your observation is correct, but perhaps with different reasons underlying it.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  4. #14
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by entropie View Post
    I never apologize
    ....I bet you're not even sorry for that, either.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  5. #15
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    ....I bet you're not even sorry for that, either.
    [YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cds7lSHawAw"][/YOUTUBE]
    [URL]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEBvftJUwDw&t=0s[/URL]

  6. #16
    Senior Member pinkgraffiti's Avatar
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    How can you possibly have 3 internal processes, almost tied in importance, as main cognitive functions?

    Not surprising....I just need an apology, that's all:

    7 Expressing Regret
    4 Accepting Responsibility
    4 Making Restitution
    2 Genuinely Repenting
    3 Requesting Forgiveness


    Quote Originally Posted by TenebrousReflection View Post
    The Regret Vs Remorse thread got me thinking about the different ways we apologize for things and the possible problems that can occur in communication if we value different things in an apology and I recalled reading about apology preferences before, so I tracked down the site that had that information.

    The question essentialy is what is important to you in an apology.

    http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-...es-of-apology/


    You can either read the list and see what fits for you, or take a test they have on the site. These were my test results.

    10 - Expressing Regret
    03 - Accepting Responsibility
    03 - Making Restitution
    03 - Genuinely Repenting
    01 - Requesting Forgiveness

    For myself, I want an apology (either when I'm giving or receiving) to acknowledge the emotional distress that was caused, express regret over the incident, and to express desire to talk about it in more detail to figure out why it happened, why it caused a problem, and what approach is best for moving forward.

    I'm curious if there is a correlation between MBTI or Enneagram type and apology preferences. One thing I am very interested in is how important (or un-important) the concept of forgiveness is compared to how religious one is - are the words and concepts of forgiveness universal, or are they specific to Christianity.

    I consider myself to be "spiritual but not religious". I tend to appreciate it when someone asks for forgiveness, but I see the concept as a Christian one, so I'm not as comfortable actually asking for forgiveness unless I know I'm apologizing to someone that is a Christian (I'm a bit concerned that using those words might offend atheists and non-christian religions), but I think I may be making a false association there, so I want to know if others see it as similar to me or not.

  7. #17
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Interesting.

    In thinking about the op, I realize I don't really care at all if someone apologizes to me for something they've done. I think there are several reasons for this. One is that I rarely dwell on others' actions regarding me with judgment; I'm usually completely consumed in how to balance or deal with the aftermath of whatever they've done or said and keep myself centered than to expend energy judging what they've done. And if I don't judge what they've done, then there is very little for me to think about in the needing-an-apology realm, I guess. Another reason is that I know it doesn't matter much in the scheme of things if someone does apologize. I mean, how is that going to help me in my quest for finding my way or my truth?

    I think an apology is almost completely for the apologizer, versus the apologizee.....and therefore it matters not so much how someone apologizes, but that they do it sincerely, because it can be very healing for them, and also bring an intensity and catharsis to relating with another person.
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  8. #18
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AphroditeGoneAwry View Post
    I think an apology is almost completely for the apologizer, versus the apologizee.....and therefore it matters not so much how someone apologizes, but that they do it sincerely, because it can be very healing for them, and also bring an intensity and catharsis to relating with another person.
    This is a very good point. When answering the test questions, I found I preferred apologies in which the person offers to correct the situation or prevent its recurrence, but almost as often I looked for those that indicated the person had learned from the experience. They are related in that it is easier to fix something if you understand it, but this also ties to the healing you mention.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #19
    failure to thrive AphroditeGoneAwry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    This is a very good point. When answering the test questions, I found I preferred apologies in which the person offers to correct the situation or prevent its recurrence, but almost as often I looked for those that indicated the person had learned from the experience. They are related in that it is easier to fix something if you understand it, but this also ties to the healing you mention.
    Thanks.

    And I care about their healing for them as a person, as in it's all about them feeling better, hopefully, in the end. You speak more about their healing almost within a bigger context, as it implies when you say it will 'prevent a recurrence,' as I'd expect from an INTJ, looking at a person as part of a system. Whereas I more look at a person as an individual.
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    The more one loves God, the more it is that having nothing in the world means everything, and the less one loves God, the more it is that having everything in the world means nothing.

    Do not resist an evil person, but to him who strikes you on the one cheek, offer also the other. ~Matthew 5:39

    songofmary.wordpress.com


  10. #20
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    I think a lot of people don't care about or want apologies at all if they have been offended. It's no coincidence that these also happen to be the same people who have trouble apologizing to others for offending them. I'd be curious what people like this do want instead.
    Yeah, I'm a bit like that. I just prefer if the relationship becomes "happy" as before, that's fine from my POV, unless something absolutely major happened.
    ENTj 7-3-8 sx/sp

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