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Thread: Selfishness

  1. #1
    Freaking Ratchet Array Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Jun 2010

    Default Selfishness

    When is selfishness a good thing and when is it a hindrance? Is it like self-esteem/self-worth to be selfish when a situation calls for it and borderline narcissism when a situation doesn't call it for?

    Say I want to be selfish because I want to hang out with someone (meaning I am keeping that person for me) on a particular day. I can see that that person may also have others he may want to hang out with on a certain day. But I see that day or surrounding day to be special for us (that day is of a particular significance to us both.) Not only is it a special day, but because we haven't been talkative with each other for a long time now and that day has special meanings to both of us. So in other words, I want to use that day to break the ice. And since we have something in common that day, I want to use it as catalyst to get us talking together again.

    However, I can also see that some others may want to spend that special day with that person.

    Would you, in this case, go ahead and be selfish?

  2. #2


    I guess you'd have to judge whether or not selfishness would help or hinder the relationship... does the person want to spend that day with only you? Or are they open to having others tag along? Another question is whether or not you harbor romantic feelings for this person... you didn't say this so I won't assume, but if so then you need to find a way to take the relationship to that level so the other person knows... but if not, then you can try having the person to yourself and see how it goes, but if you become overwhelming or too possessive you could drive the person away. But of course I don't know either one of you, so this is somewhat abstract...
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  3. #3
    Mr. Blue Array entropie's Avatar
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    If your so doesnt want to hang out with you no more, she's fired
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  4. #4
    i love Array skylights's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
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    well it all sort of hinges on whether or not he's willing to spend the whole day with you, which is his personal choice, so i think to propose that you spend the day together is not out of appropriate bounds.

    if it's a special day between you two then it's a special day between you two. he can hang out with others on the other 365.25 days of the year.

    so basically yes.

  5. #5
    Just do it Array Zarathustra's Avatar
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    Oct 2009
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    Reading the op made me want to

    INFJs can be so needy...

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  6. #6
    Senior Member Array Jaguar's Avatar
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  7. #7
    Administrator Array highlander's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rail Tracer View Post

    Would you, in this case, go ahead and be selfish?

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  8. #8
    No moss growing on me Array Giggly's Avatar
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    Make your wants be known and let them make their own decision.

  9. #9
    lab rat extraordinaire Array CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Na, that's not selfish...sort of, but ask any way. That's kinda sweet. If it were me, being asked, I'd say the other people can wait, because if it's a day of siginifcance that we share I'd want to spend it with you, and have you (figurtively)all to myself. I'm selfish like that though.
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  10. #10
    Senior Member Array Lark's Avatar
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    Jun 2009


    There's always extreme opinions about selfishness, its either all bad (self-sacrificing ideologies or religious teachings) or all good (objectivists, randists, capitalists) instead of there being a middle ground which sees that it could be good or bad depending on a lot of variables besides just the individual's, possibly legitimate, self interest.

    The socialist Erich Fromm wrote a book on ethics and psychology about how self interest is actually the cornerstone of valid altruism, ie love others as you would love yourself first requires you to love yourself and excludes more simple self-sacrificing.

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