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  1. #1
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Default Can you be passive aggressive even if that wasnt your intent

    ?
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #2
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    ?
    Isn't that one of the hallmarks of passive aggressive behavior? That it wasn't intended, people are misunderstanding, why can't they figure out what's bothering me, I mean people around me should be mind readers, right?

    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  3. #3
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Nooo thats not what im,talking about on phone cancantot type a lot
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  4. #4
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    Nooo thats not what im,talking about
    Ok then, what are you talking about?
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  5. #5
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ceecee View Post
    Ok then, what are you talking about?
    I mean in action not in thought
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  6. #6
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Yeah, I think one can be passive aggressive without meaning to... I don't think anyone says, "I want to act passive aggressively toward this person." Passive aggressiveness gets kind of a bad rap, I think.... some people just don't naturally seek out conflict, so their natural way of dealing with anger is more passive. Not that it's not annoying; it certainly is, but I think it's something one has to realize that one is doing, and then work to stop doing it. No one sets out to be passive aggressive.
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  7. #7
    resonance entropie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I mean in action not in thought
    I think you overcharge my opinion giving ability with your question. Why are all people so demanding and hostile, except for me ?

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  8. #8
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Nah, I think intent has everything to do with whether somebody is being passive aggressive or not. This is why it takes a long time to figure out somebody is being passive agressive, it takes a long time to intuit the pattern that sombody is just bein an asshole instead of just being scatterbrained, neglectful and bumbling.

  9. #9
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    Nah, I think intent has everything to do with whether somebody is being passive aggressive or not. This is why it takes a long time to figure out somebody is being passive agressive, it takes a long time to intuit the pattern that sombody is just bein an asshole instead of just being scatterbrained, neglectful and bumbling.
    I tend to agree with this statement. Because passive-aggression leaves room for doubt about the person's motivation it is entirely possible for the person perceiving it to become hyper-paranoid seeing passive aggression in everything. It is possible for people to not be aware of their anger and to act it out passively and not be able to admit it to themselves, but I think the worse problem is seeing passive-aggression where it isn't happening. My impression is that people can tend to be more fearful and self protective than objective, and so end up perceiving negativity more often than it is actually occurring. This is just because we have the ability to hold onto past scars and project them onto the present repeatedly.

    The best way I've found to deal with passive-aggression is to give people the benefit of the doubt. It keeps interpersonal dynamics from deteriorating where there was little or no passive-aggression, and it also slows down the effects of intended passive-aggression.

    Edit: It is also a good idea to communicate directly with someone if they send passive-aggressive signals. If something they said or did was hurtful, it could be helpful to talk it out if it is an important relationship.
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  10. #10
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    I think some can take even honest, direct statements of truth as passive-aggressiveness, yeah. With some folks, I've had to clarify--no, really, I did intend to say just the thing that I said.

    It's good to figure out how someone is going to take something you say so that you can actually communicate with them, but some people and circumstances make it difficult.

    Does that mean that such direct statements are passive-aggressive? I guess that's in the eye of the beholder. I'd think that, if the intent isn't there, then it isn't. But it's pretty rare for people to admit up to passive-aggressiveness, so...

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