So I am basically now at the first finish line of my life but I havent shaken off the bad feeling that got me here.
For about a year I figured by engaging myself in hobbies that really intrest me, a lot of the energy I had spare (which is a lot) and which I subconciously devoted to the quest of self, now goes into the hobbies and that has been a way to relieve myself. Still I am not sure what to do with the bad feeling.
My conclusion so far is that ignoring it or telling myself that I should be thankful for what I have now is the wrong way. I think that I inherit a certain melancholy which is part of my personality and which I need to attend to at times and which I need to let out at times. For that I so far, one time a year got heavily drunk and lamented over my existance to then on the next day start freshly again having let all those negatives out. I dont know if you suffer from that as well and I actually dont think this is an illness, I rather think that the constant need to question your situation is the one and true thing that lets you grow that lets you level up.
This is the true ability of a dominant perceiver, who will never stagnate, but he will always grow and better himself. Nobody tho, who is not a dom p, does understand that this, your greatest talent, is also your greatest burden of your existance and little to none people as well do understand that every talent in an individualistic society like ours, does always mean paying a price for it; cause an individualistic society needs to operate on a common denominator to function at all and that means that mavericks will have an advantage and a disadvantage at the same time, giving the perspective you look at them.
I wish you the best and can only tell you, if you want to have a beer, you know where to find me.