User Tag List

First 12

Results 11 to 18 of 18

  1. #11
    Senior Member Pinker85's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Posts
    731

    Default

    If you haven't been employed for a while there are tax benefits available to your employer if they hire you. Meh. Work every angle.

  2. #12
    Artisan Conquerer Halla74's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    MBTI
    ESTP
    Enneagram
    7w8 sx/so
    Socionics
    SLE
    Posts
    6,927

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TenebrousReflection View Post
    As some of you know, I've been going through some difficult times recently, and I've tried different way of coping with that, but they all seem to come down to either trying to find a distraction and escape the pain of daily life by trying to immerse myself in other worlds (books, movies and video games etc), or to try to face reality, but that means being faced with a problem that my actions alone feel powerless to solve (I can do things that _might_ make a difference, but I have no way of knowing if my efforts will be in vain or not, and it could be weeks, months or even years before I know if those actions will have enough impact to make a difference).

    When my troubles are relativly minor, the balance between escapism and daily life does not seem to be much of an issue because even if I stay in a virtual world for a long time, I'm not neglecting serious problems. But when I do have serious problems, the temptation to escape from having to deal with them is even stronger, but the price for doing so is also higher in that doing nothing about my problems is pretty much a gauranteed way to not solve them...

    I guess I don't really have a question, I just wanted to write about what I was thinking, and I'm sure others have experienced similar internal conflics as well, so comments are always welcome.
    Hi!
    The best way to solve problems, large OR small, is to face them HEAD ON.
    Tis' better to crush problems than to "Face" them.
    At some point you will explode with anger if you do not learn to rationally process your anger and/or pain.
    Never thought it would happen to me, but it did once a few years ago.
    Best to nip these thnigs in the bud.
    Control might very well be the ultimate illusion, BUT any individual's power to influence their surroundings, those they interact with, and the quality of their life in general is vast and mighty, if they but have the courage to stand their ground and stay true to the course.
    If you approach conflict from the perspective of a doormat, you will ALWAYS be walked on.
    Things are alot easier when you are a hammer - and that's because when you are, everything looks like a nail.
    Don't take shit, life is too short.
    Don't wallow in your own self pity, no one feels the pain as you do, and the amount of benefit you create for yourself by doing as such is virtually impossible to measure in real terms.
    Reach deep within yourself, determine what it is you want, and also what you cannot deal with.
    Then give the other acotrs in your life a heads up as to what the new reality is.
    Those that stay are the one's who love you as you are.
    Those who leave you are better off without.

    Good luck, and keep the faith.



    -Alex
    --------------------
    Type Stats:
    MBTI -> (E) 77.14% | (i) 22.86% ; (S) 60% | (n) 40% ; (T) 72.22% | (f) 27.78% ; (P) 51.43% | (j) 48.57%
    BIG 5 -> Extroversion 77% ; Accommodation 60% ; Orderliness 62% ; Emotional Stability 64% ; Open Mindedness 74%

    Quotes:
    "If somebody asks your MBTI type on a first date, run". -Donna Cecilia
    "Enneagram is psychological underpinnings. Cognitive Functions are mental reasoning and perceptional processes. -Sanjuro

  3. #13
    Senior Member TenebrousReflection's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INFp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    449

    Default

    Overall, that is good advice for a lot of situations, but some problems can be approached directly, and others can not. When the outcome of a situation rests in the decisions of others (like an interviewer deciding who gets the job), then I can take actions to prepare and to try to make a good impression and all of that, but in the end, the final outcome is out of my hands, so I don't see how to "smash" that problem. One could certainly argue that the best solution there is to become an entrepeneur so that you take the control out of the hands of others, and for some people that is a great solution, but that solution is not right for everyone - I am trying to keep an open mind and be on the lookout for unfilled niches that I could do something like that, but I'll only try that if I feel confident I could be enthusiastic about giving it a try.


    Resolving problems in relationships is another case where I don't see how the "smash" the problem approach can really work (perhaps you and many others would say to abandon on the attempt to fix the relationship and move on to something new, but that is a case where my values and feelings simply find that an unacceptable solution (if I don't feel like I've done everything i can to make a relationship work, then its somethignt that haunts me ever after))

    When I beleive I'm listenting to my heart and/or simply "doing what I feel is the right thing to do" is when I feel strongest, confident and motivated, but even then, I still feel like i need a lot of emotional support when I am unable to see or feel a sense of progress on my journey.
    (keys2cognition) Fi (47.6), Ne (36.8), Fe (36.8), Si (31.6), Ti (29.7), Ni (27.4), Te (17.2) Se (12.5) - subject to change - last updated 11JAN2012
    * Making consicious effort to improve my Fe...
    My Johari window
    My Nohari window

  4. #14
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    1,557

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by TenebrousReflection View Post
    Overall, that is good advice for a lot of situations, but some problems can be approached directly, and others can not. When the outcome of a situation rests in the decisions of others (like an interviewer deciding who gets the job), then I can take actions to prepare and to try to make a good impression and all of that, but in the end, the final outcome is out of my hands, so I don't see how to "smash" that problem.
    It seems to me that you're talking you way out of this. You're right, you can't control the outcome - but then again, no one can. This is not an excuse.

    The most you can ever truly control is your own well-being - to take responsibility for your own state of mind, body and soul, instead of neglecting or ignoring it. This is the root of good self-esteem and positive outcomes - the will to face up to who you are, to the reality of your own life, and to then choose to change it. Escapism comes from a denial and resentment of your life situation - you don't want to deal with it, and conveniently enough, you don't have to. Accept yourself and your situation, completely - this is the only way you can truly become happy with your life, and the only way you can really change anything for the better.

    While actual results can take a long time, the necessary shift in perspective and self-esteem can take seconds. It can even happen right now.
    Hello

  5. #15
    Senior Member TenebrousReflection's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    MBTI
    INFp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    449

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by VagrantFarce View Post
    It seems to me that you're talking you way out of this. You're right, you can't control the outcome - but then again, no one can. This is not an excuse.

    The most you can ever truly control is your own well-being - to take responsibility for your own state of mind, body and soul, instead of neglecting or ignoring it. This is the root of good self-esteem and positive outcomes - the will to face up to who you are, to the reality of your own life, and to then choose to change it. Escapism comes from a denial and resentment of your life situation - you don't want to deal with it, and conveniently enough, you don't have to. Accept yourself and your situation, completely - this is the only way you can truly become happy with your life, and the only way you can really change anything for the better.

    While actual results can take a long time, the necessary shift in perspective and self-esteem can take seconds. It can even happen right now.
    Your points about escapism are very true, and in the past I have used escapism to avoid problems until I was at a state of acceptance and ready to move on with my life again. This time, I caught myself using escapism like that, but I was able to snap out of it and regretted having fallen into that trap again, but having done so I was left questioning if I was really better off for it or not since I had traded avoidance and denial for a struggle that often feels futile. I do believe that anything worth struggling for is worth it even if the struggle is a failure, so the answer was really there all along (I think writing about it helped remind me of that).

    For the moment, I'm doing a lot better in regards to optimism and confidence than I was when I wrote that, but I suspect I will have many more trials to face in the weeks and months ahead...
    (keys2cognition) Fi (47.6), Ne (36.8), Fe (36.8), Si (31.6), Ti (29.7), Ni (27.4), Te (17.2) Se (12.5) - subject to change - last updated 11JAN2012
    * Making consicious effort to improve my Fe...
    My Johari window
    My Nohari window

  6. #16
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    3,041

    Default

    There is a little mantra that I have learned to give myself. Each time I think I'm dosing off (this involves both escapism and non escapism,) I'll gently tell myself to "be here now. You can think/focus on that a little later."

    Little by little, I noticed that I have started focusing on what I should be doing at hand. Certain times of the day, I would allow myself to escape/relax just for a little (like right now.) Of course, it might not work if you aren't willing to control your mind and bring the topic that needs to be there to be on your mind. I have a very big habit of having multiple things in my mind along with what is going on in front of me (no, I do not have ADD/ADHD, just that what goes on in my mind sometimes tend to be better than what is going on in front of me.) So when I tell myself to "be here now," my mind goes back to doing what is in front of me (like studying for my finals this week. )

    Just a little thing to try to focus.

    Good luck on the house move though!

  7. #17
    Ruler of the Stars Asterion's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5 sp/sx
    Posts
    2,334

    Default

    I think you need something or someone else to help push you forwards enough to get your foot in the door. It's hard sometimes, but asking your friends and family is a great place to start, especially around this time of the year. People are quicker to trust you when you know a friend of theirs, same thing applies to socializing, which is not a big surprise really.
    5 3 9

  8. #18
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    MBTI
    INFP
    Posts
    38

    Default

    I once did that, escaping in the form of playing online games. It worked quite well for me for a certain time, but just like that, I lost interest. I wasn't bored in the game itself. In fact I'd go back and play again if I could. But, I guess for someone like me, online gaming isn't the right way to ease my troubles. In fact it got worse. I interacted too much with different people, I got too close. I knew everything about them in turn, they knew everything about me as well. Now the problem with that is, I even knew most of their problems and they would come to me for help. I tried helping them the best way I could.. Unfortunately I took too much of their emotional pain and it kind of drained me. Now I'm not an expert on this but it's just how I felt. Even now as I'm looking back, it still feels that way that's why I can't go back to enjoying the game anymore. It depresses the shit out of me.

    I've tried other methods of distraction as well, and I can't say it's been working so well either.

Similar Threads

  1. "No problem" vs "you're welcome"
    By anticlimatic in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 121
    Last Post: 06-10-2017, 03:52 PM
  2. Big Problems vs Little Problems and Type
    By Xyk in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 08-23-2011, 02:36 AM
  3. Common sense - what is it and who has it?
    By JivinJeffJones in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 85
    Last Post: 06-02-2009, 12:21 AM
  4. an INTP and all that it implies...
    By ring the bell in forum Welcomes and Introductions
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 06-11-2008, 08:49 AM
  5. Ni Domance and Memory for Numbers
    By Usehername in forum Myers-Briggs and Jungian Cognitive Functions
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: 02-12-2008, 02:14 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO