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I don't know what I'm doing

prplchknz

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Any of it, its hard for me to get motivated to do anything even shower, last night i thought of killing myself because the way everythings going is not getting better, I'm not going to kill myself just having really strong urges to. I'm scared.I just need someone to talk to.
 

Lady_X

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what exactly is the problem? do you have a hard life or are you just chronically depressed? maybe you need to be in a treatment facility.
 

prplchknz

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chronically depressed and have no life skills i can't take care of myself.I was doing better the last month than last night it all came crashing down
 

Betty Blue

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chronically depressed and have no life skills i can't take care of myself.I was doing better the last month than last night it all came crashing down

Hey hey suga plum, i'll be on vent later if you wanna chat.
Hugs
 

prplchknz

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Hey hey suga plum, i'll be on vent later if you wanna chat.
Hugs

If I'm not out doing other things sure.I have things I have to do today motivated or not. but I am feeling more motivated than i did yesterday
 

Betty Blue

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If I'm not out doing other things sure.I have things I have to do today motivated or not. but I am feeling more motivated than i did yesterday

Ok well thats a start anyway.
I'll be onventline between 10.30pm and 11pm my time...not sure how that equates but yeah.
 

prplchknz

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Ok well thats a start anyway.
I'll be onventline between 10.30pm and 11pm my time...not sure how that equates but yeah.

yeah I'll tryto be around, i might not need to talk anymore though.
 

Eilonwy

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Hang in there. There are people who care about you. Are the suicidal thoughts connected to your medications? Sometimes it's listed as a side effect. Maybe you need to talk to a doctor about adjusting your dosage?

One of my nephews attempted suicide a few months ago. He would have succeeded, but luckily he had a change of mind and called a friend who took him to the hospital. It feels so awful thinking we could have lost him. There are people who care about you and would feel awful if you were gone, too. So hang in there.
 

prplchknz

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it probably isn't the meds because i've been on them for close to 4 months and didn't really have suicidal thoughts as intense as last night
 

Eilonwy

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Still might be worth checking with a doctor. Some meds build up in your system over time. Hope you're feeling better now at least.
 

prplchknz

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I was than i looked at my application status and it said clearance retention-i'm such a loser probably not getting into school, i should just die
 

Eilonwy

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No, you shouldn't just die. And you're not a loser. There are always bumps in the road and this is just one of them.
 

Lady_X

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are you a type 4?
do you constantly compare yourself to others and hate yourself for how you feel you don't measure up? or hate everyone else for not relating or caring about the same things? do you feel like everyone else has the answers? listen...first...no one knows wtf they're doing....everyone at some point feels like they don't measure up in one area or another. there is no one right way to conduct your life. who gives a fuck if you do things differently. everyone whoever did anything amazing did something no other did. just be you...the you that you'd be if you weren't trying to live by rules someone else made up that you don't even care about. just stop the hateful self talk...talk to yourself the way you'd talk to someone else you love and was hurting....would you call them a loser and say they should just die? no...you wouldn't. make it a habit to be forgiving and encouraging to yourself. stop punishing yourself for mistakes made and focus on now...doing better tomorrow. thats all anyone can do...move forward...define your own path.
 

Betty Blue

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are you a type 4?
do you constantly compare yourself to others and hate yourself for how you feel you don't measure up? or hate everyone else for not relating or caring about the same things? do you feel like everyone else has the answers? listen...first...no one knows wtf they're doing....everyone at some point feels like they don't measure up in one area or another. there is no one right way to conduct your life. who gives a fuck if you do things differently. everyone whoever did anything amazing did something no other did. just be you...the you that you'd be if you weren't trying to live by rules someone else made up that you don't even care about. just stop the hateful self talk...talk to yourself the way you'd talk to someone else you love and was hurting....would you call them a loser and say they should just die? no...you wouldn't. make it a habit to be forgiving and encouraging to yourself. stop punishing yourself for mistakes made and focus on now...doing better tomorrow. thats all anyone can do...move forward...define your own path.


Ohh yah, well said!
 

prplchknz

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so snap out of it? greeeat advice :rolleyes:

sorry i'm just tired of people telling me these things and i try to do them but some days i need to call myself a loser, because ultimately that's what i am and nothing you can say will change that.
 

Eilonwy

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Besides, you'd miss going to Disney and Universal Studios. ;) (just trying to lighten things up--hope that's okay)
 

prplchknz

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oh if i was going to kill myself i'd wait til the 1st so i'm not in any immediate danger and i don't even have a plan so no worries i just need someone to talk to.
 

Lady_X

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jerk response purple. yes...essentially...i'm saying learn new coping skills. learn to train your brain to think differently. catch yourself when you're saying shitty things to yourself and change it to what you'd say to a friend. i honestly believe it is the key to loving yourself. i experience it all the time with my type 4 bf. the way we talk to our self is the difference. if i mess up...i immediately tell myself it's okay...because you tried to do this...you couldn't predict that...but...now i know and can do it this way from now on. i imagine if someone in my life talked as ugly to me as you do to yourself i'd feel like shit all the time too...and i might even begin to wish i never had to see them again...so...if it's you doing it to yourself...of course this is the outcome....i know it's not easy to just snap out of it...but i believe it's something you can learn to improve.
 

prplchknz

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it's kinda hard when you're told by your mom everything you do wrong, that you'll never be indpendent, that normal people don't do XY and Z, are you taking your meds, that was more than a few sips,
 

Lady_X

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well tell her that. say what i need right now is love and encouragement and that she makes you feel even more incompetent and miserable with those comments. tell her if she can't help you in the way you need right now then you're going to need to keep your distance for your own well being. cut negative hurtful people out of your life until you have the coping strategies to deal with them. you need to learn how to counsel yourself...be able to get to a good place on your own and demand it from others.
 
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