@CzeCze. No problem at all!
Relationship with kids:
Oldest one: pretty bad. She blames him for the divorce and hates his new wife. He offers to help her with things, and she ignores him... Then complains he doesn't help her, lol. On the surface she has the same outward fake niceness to people in our family that her mother employed. But occasionally you see this super angry side emerge from deep down... It's creepy. She just got married the weekend before thanksgiving. Their wedding was originally in January, but it got moved up (gee, wonder why). She was furious at her dad telling people she was pregnant (duh) and denied it until after her wedding when suddenly she was "recently" pregnant. She is already wearing maternity clothing, and is trying to pretend the due date is mid June or later. We were given just under 3 weeks notice for her wedding and she got angry that our aunt was going to have problems attending since she had plans for that weekend already. Then our grandparents got an invitation with no address in it, and our ENTJ 91 year old surly grandfather said he wasn't going because of that. (he also just didn't want to go ). So in punishment she cut the rest of our family out of family photos. (not really punishment in my mind!). It's just stupid and melodramatic and something her mom would do. It's everyone's fault but hers.
Youngest daughter: they used to have a good relationship. But being left alone with her mom and being home schooled... Is having an affect on her. I think she's an INFP to begin with, and 17 and having a crazy mom.... It's not too surrpising that she is almost catatonic. I'm pretty sure her mom is using her as a pawn to try and guilt my uncle into extending alimony and child support past her senior year of highschool. It's just sad to watch. At family events, she sits off to the side, not smiling or talking. If you talk to her, she will say nothing and just sit there. I'm hoping once she goes away to college that she is able to break out of her shell a bit.
And no I don't think you are dragging him over the coals. It's nothing I haven't done myself. For me, the major red flag would have been "she punched her pregnant belly"... Time to book it out of here... Not wait 22 years and four kids later.
The scary part is that while my uncle changed the locks on his house (my dad insisted on that), his daughters have keys, and he never uses his security alarm in case they need to come over... So I have a bit of concern that his ex will come over some night when the alimony has run out, and do something to them. We've spoken to him about this and he thinks we're being silly. I say, better to put the alarm on and have it go off if your daughter came over... Then the alternative. Especially since they live in the boonies and their yards are so big, I don't think a neighbor would possibly hear anything.
BPD people are like wolves in sheepskin.