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  1. #51
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    I think the scariest thing is making sure you realize that if it is the case that they have borderline personality disorder that you only accuse them of that, because beyond that usually the reason why they do those actions had nothing to do with them.

  2. #52
    You're fired. Lol. Antimony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mal12345 View Post
    I lived with a BPD person for 13 years.

    By the way, your every post feels to me like you're screaming it. It's because of your avatar. Here's the humorous version of it -

    I scream all my posts. Didn't you know? I am naturally loud.
    Excuse me, but does this smell like chloroform to you?

    Always reserve the right to become smarter at a future point in time, for only a fool limits themselves to all they knew in the past. -Alex

  3. #53
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Antimony View Post
    I scream all my posts. Didn't you know? I am naturally loud.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  4. #54
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
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    Many times it's true that a person who is dating or lives with a borderline has severe issues too. Codependency issues, apd, or another disorder.
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  5. #55
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ICUP View Post
    Many times it's true that a person who is dating or lives with a borderline has severe issues too. Codependency issues, apd, or another disorder.
    I was googling some stuff about BPD. There is an awful lot out there for/by men who have or have had girlfriends and wives with BPD. While I felt for them, I also felt that they could have exercised a bit more caution before getting into such relationships in the first place. I get the impression that some men are drawn to such women like moths to a flame - some combination of finding them very sexual, and wanting to rescue them - and then find themselves in over their heads.

    Hmm... I had a roommate who had some tendencies in that direction too, some years ago. An ESFJ. I definitely questioned my reality and sanity when I was around her, a lot.
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  6. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I was googling some stuff about BPD. There is an awful lot out there for/by men who have or have had girlfriends and wives with BPD. While I felt for them, I also felt that they could have exercised a bit more caution before getting into such relationships in the first place. I get the impression that some men are drawn to such women like moths to a flame - some combination of finding them very sexual, and wanting to rescue them - and then find themselves in over their heads.

    Hmm... I had a roommate who had some tendencies in that direction too, some years ago. An ESFJ. I definitely questioned my reality and sanity when I was around her, a lot.
    I think sometimes these people can "pass" for normal initially, and then slowly their crazy becomes unwrapped as they both descend into the abyss.

    But a great many of the men probably do have some kind of white knight complex going on.

  7. #57
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I was googling some stuff about BPD. There is an awful lot out there for/by men who have or have had girlfriends and wives with BPD. While I felt for them, I also felt that they could have exercised a bit more caution before getting into such relationships in the first place. I get the impression that some men are drawn to such women like moths to a flame - some combination of finding them very sexual, and wanting to rescue them - and then find themselves in over their heads.
    It's definitely true. I slightly recognized these tendencies in myself during the first 4 months of my relationship with a BPD girl, but the drama was absolutely too unattractive. Plus I have a big ego and I couldn't believe a word of what she periodically said of my personality, my intelligence, my body, etc. (lots and lots of negative stuff), so I lost all the respect. I could see some "milder" guys having more trouble with that.
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  8. #58
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    I think sometimes these people can "pass" for normal initially, and then slowly their crazy becomes unwrapped as they both descend into the abyss.

    But a great many of the men probably do have some kind of white knight complex going on.
    Yeah, it's definitely not always as simple as completely walking into it with open eyes - life and relationships are rarely that simple. Mind you, some seem to have done that. But a lot describe a really great initial period before all sorts of unacceptable insanity was unleashed, in which case it's harder to blame them.

    I have mixed feelings too in that it is kind of sad that BPD has such an immense stigma attached to it. It used to be that all forms of mental illness had a major stigma. Now, for instance, so many people have experience of depression, and so many are so open about it, that the stigma is at least a lot less. But with BPD, people get judged totally unsuitable for relationships, etc. Which seems sad.

    But then, on the other hand - the evidence indicates that this is a disorder which can SERIOUSLY destroy the lives of others who are drawn into its vortex, or at least mess things up pretty brutally. And for myself, even having a bit of experience with a friend (not a spouse, for instance) who has tendencies in that direction (though she may not necessarily be "BPD"), I know it can be seriously, seriously exhausting and even frightening. I've had enough people tell me to walk away completely from that "friendship".

    I think if someone really unquestionably has it, they have to be willing to face up to it and get help, and those involved in their life have to be very patient and supportive and resilient. And it's hard to get all those factors to work together.
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  9. #59
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FDG View Post
    It's definitely true. I slightly recognized these tendencies in myself during the first 4 months of my relationship with a BPD girl, but the drama was absolutely too unattractive. Plus I have a big ego and I couldn't believe a word of what she periodically said of my personality, my intelligence, my body, etc. (lots and lots of negative stuff), so I lost all the respect. I could see some "milder" guys having more trouble with that.
    Interesting I think that in a relationship, in the early stages a lot of people can mistake what is full-on crazy drama and over-the-top intensity and jealousy for exciting sexuality and closeness. I mean, there are certainly a lot of people of both genders who are turned on by jealousy, though I don't get it and I think if you are turned on by more than a hint of it it indicates serious insecurity in yourself. But the next thing you know, all that sexual excitement can have worn off to leave nothing but frightening intensity and possessiveness and dislocation from reality which is anything but attractive. This seems to be the pattern in much/most of what I read online in people's experiences. They even described how the woman (usually) would be crazily sexual to begin with but then became "frigid" later.

    The trouble with these stories is that they're all one-sided, of course. But a lot of them were surprisingly honest about themselves. And it is difficult to know if you can believe the other side of the story if it comes from a person with a tenuous grasp on reality.
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  10. #60
    Senior Member ICUP's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I was googling some stuff about BPD. There is an awful lot out there for/by men who have or have had girlfriends and wives with BPD. While I felt for them, I also felt that they could have exercised a bit more caution before getting into such relationships in the first place. I get the impression that some men are drawn to such women like moths to a flame - some combination of finding them very sexual, and wanting to rescue them - and then find themselves in over their heads.
    I don't think it's the "rescue" type that tends to be drawn to borderlines, in the way you are speaking of. It's usually someone either with codependency or apd. I think there are some men (protector types) that like to "straighten out" and do for ladies who need help. That basically describes my S.O. It's not only borderlines he helps out.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    Hmm... I had a roommate who had some tendencies in that direction too, some years ago. An ESFJ. I definitely questioned my reality and sanity when I was around her, a lot.
    That's normal. If you stay around them long enough, you may become ill as well.
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