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Thread: Why are people so ashamed of themselves?

  1. #11
    LL P. Stewie Array Beorn's Avatar
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    Worth is objective. Human worth is based on the imago dei, that is being created in the form of God. I believe shame, guilt, and feelings worthlessness come from feeling the reality of falling short of living up to the image of God which our worth is based on.

    Christianity allows a person to acknowledge the guilt of falling short and gain a sense of self-worth not from any human aspect, but from the perfectly lived life Of Jesus Christ. This allows self-criticism without guilt, because one's self-worth is dependent on someone else.

    It's really amazing to see this lived out.
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  2. #12
    scourge Array miss fortune's Avatar
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    live life a bit differently and you'll view the answer to your question differently

    I went through a few tough years and wasn't exactly the best person- I used my gift of gab in order to con people into doing things for me, was a rather accomplished liar, had lighter fingers than necessary and drank like a fish... I've been trying to straighten that all out lately and redeem myself as a decent human being by going out of my way to offer second chances to other people and make them believe in themselves again. There's nothing that I can do to change my past... I'm ashamed of it and I feel guilty for the things that I've done. Unfortunately, for any good that I may do, all of the things that I've done are still a part of me as well. For any pride in my accomplishments that I may feel there's the flip side of knowing what I'm capable of and who I am.

    Until you experience something of that sort you really won't understand
    Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom? -Terry Pratchett

  3. #13
    Uniqueorn Array William K's Avatar
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    Personally I feel that some of it has to do with the way that society as a whole depicts what is success and what is failure. We are so used to being told either by the people we interact with or by the media that this is how a successful person lives. Anything less and you're a failure. In a "me too" environment like this, is it a wonder that someone will feel like a loser if he/she doesn't have the latest and greatest gadgets? The line between success and failure is too black and white for most people.

    This is not to say that we should not strive to make a difference and just live a "breathe, eat, defecate, sleep" existence. It's just that with a world population reaching 7 billion, it's getting harder and harder to do something significant enough. And given the current economic problems around the world, it's not just a feeling of worthlessness but also helplessness for a large portion of the population. But that discussion is for another part of the forum
    4w5, Fi>Ne>Ti>Si>Ni>Fe>Te>Se, sp > so > sx

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    I may not agree with what you are feeling, but I will defend to death your right to have a good cry over it

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  4. #14

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    Cause sometimes we get confused?

  5. #15
    Anew Leaf
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    Because I know what I've done, am doing now, and will do again in the future.

  6. #16
    Senior Member Array Lily flower's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Beefeater View Post
    Worth is objective. Human worth is based on the imago dei, that is being created in the form of God. I believe shame, guilt, and feelings worthlessness come from feeling the reality of falling short of living up to the image of God which our worth is based on.

    Christianity allows a person to acknowledge the guilt of falling short and gain a sense of self-worth not from any human aspect, but from the perfectly lived life Of Jesus Christ. This allows self-criticism without guilt, because one's self-worth is dependent on someone else.

    It's really amazing to see this lived out.
    That is why I love being a believer in Christ. I have looked at many other religious belief systems and they all are based on needing to "work harder" or "do these 5 things I require of you" or God will punish you, (or it will go poorly for you in life/afterlife). Some supposed "Christian" groups believe these sorts of condemning things as well, but if you look at the Bible, instead of expecting us to earn God's love, instead he sacrifices Jesus to give us love. We don't have to wallow in our guilt. We can just be free to accept His love.

    From the Bible:
    "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death." - Romans 8:1-2

  7. #17
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Array Mole's Avatar
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    The Worthless and the Brave and the Good

    Quote Originally Posted by Elfboy View Post
    I don't get it, why do people feel ashamed of themselves, hate themselves or feel like they somehow need to do something to validate their existence? what is the psychological root of shame and feelings of worthlessness? they don't make any sense to me.
    It doesn't make sense to you because you don't live in a shame society, rather you live in a guilt society.

    If you lived in a shame society like Japan, it would make perfect sense for you.

    But instead you live in a guilt society like Oz, and so you feel guilty if you can't justify your existence.

    For instance, when we go to a party the first thing they ask is, "What do you do?", in other words, "How do you justify your existence?". And so if we are unemployed and not studying, we feel guilty because we can't justify our existence.

    However those with strength of character and courage can transcend our own culture of guilt by saying, "I don't need to justify my own existence, I am an end in myself".

    Very few of us have the strength of character to say this, and so we will feel guity that we don't measure up to the imperatives of our culture.

    And not meauring up to the imperatives of our culture we feel worthless.

    At this point our culture becomes a trap and the only way our is transcendence.

    And transcendence is not for the faint hearted or those of poor character, transcendence is for the brave and the good.

  8. #18
    Senior Member Array Viridian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    It doesn't make sense to you because you don't live in a shame society, rather you live in a guilt society.

    If you lived in a shame society like Japan, it would make perfect sense for you.

    But instead you live in a guilt society like Oz, and so you feel guilty if you can't justify your existence.
    What's the difference between the two?
    Tentative typing: ISFJ 6w5 or 9w1 (Sp/S[?]).

  9. #19
    Banned Array
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    I'll always be ashamed of myself because no matter how much I do, there will always be more things I could do, and life isn't long enough to do everything (and I have a strong desire to do everything in the world - well, not everything, but more things than could be done in one lifetime).

  10. #20
    Occasional Member Array Evan's Avatar
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    It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective that we are programmed to be excellent reinforcement learners. The side effect of this is that we're very sensitive to external reinforcement. Irrationally so a lot of the time -- it just goes along with our learning speed.

    Imagine a childhood with a bunch of confused/inconsistent messages about self-worth... our learning mechanisms will run with these ideas in various seemingly crazy ways.

    Most parents are shitty.

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