• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

Don't Trust People?

Silveresque

Active member
Joined
Jul 28, 2011
Messages
1,169
For those of you who consider yourselves to be suspicious, wary of people, or simply not trusting, what exactly do you mean, and why are you that way? Do you fear people will hurt you or say mean things about you behind your back? Do you believe people have bad intentions or only care about themselves? Or is it something else?

I'm curious because I can't imagine what it's like to not trust people. In my experience, people generally aren't mean and aren't out to get you. That doesn't mean I leave my purse unattended in public places, that would be stupid. But as long as you look out for yourself and aren't asking for trouble, why should you be suspicious?
 

Qlip

Post Human Post
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
Messages
8,464
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I trust people to be self serving, including myself. Sometimes this is done in such a way that screws over other people, sometimes not. Until I feel like I have a bead on somebody's motivations, they essentially have a low access level to me. I can have a great time with somebody who will steal a $20 out of my wallet if I'm not looking, I just wouldn't ever let them know where I keep a spare key. There's no reason to assume a random person off the street won't steal $20 out of my wallet.
 

Silveresque

Active member
Joined
Jul 28, 2011
Messages
1,169
I trust people to be self serving, including myself. Sometimes this is done in such a way that screws over other people, sometimes not. Until I feel like I have a bead on somebody's motivations, they essentially have a low access level to me. I can have a great time with somebody who will steal a $20 out of my wallet if I'm not looking, I just wouldn't ever let them know where I keep a spare key. There's no reason to assume a random person off the street won't steal $20 out of my wallet.

I kind of relate to that. I wouldn't tell anyone where I keep my spare key, or give out any important information, probably not even to my friends. But it's not that I don't trust them, I just feel like I need to be careful. I assume that most people are good people and wouldn't betray my trust, but I there's a limit to how much trust I'll give out. Does this make me suspicious? :shock:
 

CuriousFeeling

From the Undertow
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
2,937
MBTI Type
INfJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Yeah, I can be quite suspicious and cynical. Due to a couple things... questioning people's intentions, fear of getting hurt and abused by people, and knowing what some people out there are capable of. Trust is something that is earned for me. When someone shows me that their actions and intentions are good, and it is genuine, then I will open up. But in order to survive where I live, especially the closer in proximity to the city you get, you have to keep your wits about you.
 

Qlip

Post Human Post
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
Messages
8,464
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I kind of relate to that. I wouldn't tell anyone where I keep my spare key, or give out any important information, probably not even to my friends. But it's not that I don't trust them, I just feel like I need to be careful. I assume that most people are good people and wouldn't betray my trust, but I there's a limit to how much trust I'll give out. Does this make me suspicious? :shock:

Nah.. sensible. I'm suspicious. And the the difference is that you trust people who have treated you well while I don't trust people until I figure out what they are after.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
I generally don't trust people, because they say one thing then do another, don't take responsibility, and generally have selfish motives, etc; It gets tiring for me. I know I expect too much from people, but I can't change that without changing something fundamental in myself, and I'm not willing to do that.
 

plaminal

New member
Joined
Nov 8, 2011
Messages
28
MBTI Type
xSFP
Enneagram
7?
I don't trust people, not because I think they're all bad, but because there are a few who are. I'm 57 years old--I've met some of them, and heard stories that I assume are true. However, when I first meet someone, I'm not suspicious, just interested. They can't really do much to me at that stage anyway.

When I've accidentally left things somewhere, even my wallet, it's always been returned, so I really think there are a large number of people who don't want to hurt anyone even when it would be easy. Still, I have a professionally-monitored security system, and no one but my son knows where my spare key is--not even my brother.

I wouldn't call this "suspicious" either, just being careful.
 

Tiger Owl

Active member
Joined
Sep 10, 2011
Messages
1,194
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
584
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
For those of you who consider yourselves to be suspicious, wary of people, or simply not trusting, what exactly do you mean, and why are you that way? Do you fear people will hurt you or say mean things about you behind your back? Do you believe people have bad intentions or only care about themselves? Or is it something else?
NF much?

I'm curious because I can't imagine what it's like to not trust people. In my experience, people generally aren't mean and aren't out to get you. That doesn't mean I leave my purse unattended in public places, that would be stupid. But as long as you look out for yourself and aren't asking for trouble, why should you be suspicious?
Because the predators in this world can see, smell, sense this mentality and specifically target those who believe that their security bubble is anything more substantial than a dangerous idea. Bubbles pop when you least expect them too, and if you base your world view on an illusion - how likely are you to be prepared to act appropriately and survive when things get dangerous.
Selfish suspicious people are realists who see the dangers and keep themselves sheltered from potential risk as a self protective measure.
Selfless suspicious people are realists who know that if they do not stand up for the naive, no one will. They are your police, your men and women at arms, your parents, neighbors, senior citizens, schoolchildren, etc. who, when the chips are down and someone is being victimized will stand up and stop the aggressor by becoming the aggressor and it is either victory or death.

Why don't I trust people? Because people are unworthy of trust until it is earned on a case-by-case basis but people are always worth defending whether or not they are known or trusted by the defender.
 

FireShield98

Member
Joined
Oct 17, 2011
Messages
455
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sp
I am suspicious of other people, because you can never tell what they're thinking, and they can stab you in the back at any moment. I've heard people talking about me behind my back before: people who don't know me well enough to be justified to do that and even one of my friends who told complete lies about me to someone (because he's a pathetic, insecure idiot). When making deals with someone, I always make them do their end of the bargain first, because I know I'm going to do my part, but there's always a chance that they might not do their's. This may be due to me having social anxiety disorder, making me afraid (and therefore suspicious) of other people. But I don't even trust my friends or family enough to openly discuss my inner thoughts, which is why I came to these forums.
 

VagrantFarce

Active member
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
1,558
I had trouble trusting people when I was younger, but the truth is that I had trouble trusting myself to deal with things without knowing precisely what would happen. I've had to get over that for me to really loosen up and enjoy myself.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
For those of you who consider yourselves to be suspicious, wary of people, or simply not trusting, what exactly do you mean, and why are you that way? Do you fear people will hurt you or say mean things about you behind your back? Do you believe people have bad intentions or only care about themselves? Or is it something else?

Say mean things? I couldn't give less of a shit what they say good or bad. People DO only care about themselves when it comes down to it. What would make anyone think human nature is any different?

Why don't I trust people? Because people are unworthy of trust until it is earned on a case-by-case basis

This. When I hear - I trust people until they give me a reason not to trust...I just shake my head. I am totally equal opportunity when it comes to not trusting or being suspicious of people. You get the same as the next guy so don't take it personally.
 

Jack427

New member
Joined
Sep 25, 2011
Messages
314
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Humans, for the most part, cannot generally be trusted. Though, those you are in relationships with, close friends, and family, SHOULD be trustworthy. I understand not being able to trust family, but those you date/marry and close friends should be trustworthy. And depending on your job, coworkers.
 

Stanton Moore

morose bourgeoisie
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
3,900
MBTI Type
INFP
Humans, for the most part, cannot generally be trusted. Though, those you are in relationships with, close friends, and family, SHOULD be trustworthy. I understand not being able to trust family, but those you date/marry and close friends should be trustworthy. And depending on your job, coworkers.

Theyshould be trustworthy? Why moreso than anyone else? Because you're friends with them?
 

Jack427

New member
Joined
Sep 25, 2011
Messages
314
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Theyshould be trustworthy? Why moreso than anyone else? Because you're friends with them?

Notice I said close friends. Why be close friends with people you can't trust?
 

Jack427

New member
Joined
Sep 25, 2011
Messages
314
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
5w6
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Because you trust them initially and then they change.

I wasn't even talking about people changing. Of course you don't trust people if they change for the worst.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
3,932
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I think that in my head I've become fairly suspicious and not very trusting, but in real life I probably behave - if anything - in a slightly too trusting manner, still. I feel a bit caught. It sometimes means that I probably behave more nicely to people than I'm actually feeling toward them, which in some ways may be necessary, but in some ways seems a bit dishonest and not very good.

I just tend to feel that many (most?) people are basically unreliable and lack self-awareness, and therefore unlikely to act in everyone's best interests. And people seem to be very selfish these days, too. I think society is conditioning us in that direction. Certainly I've realised lately that sometimes I actually need to be a bit more selfish and self-protective - but you can do that and still be a basically unselfish person. I don't always succeed but I more or less work in that direction. But it seems as though "unselfish" is such a foreign concept to a lot of people that they will look at you bug-eyed if you raise it. And I don't really trust people like that.

I think people will do what feels good in the moment, in many cases, and they won't think through the effect that it has on others. I don't see that as trustworthy. They may not mean to hurt me, but I end up getting hurt anyway (especially because, apparently, I look like a doormat and I look like I don't have any feelings of my own.) So if you withhold some trust you're less likely to end up in such situations.

I have somewhat conflicting views on this that I find hard to reconcile, honestly.
 

Qlip

Post Human Post
Joined
Jul 30, 2010
Messages
8,464
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
It's not binary, trustable or untrustable. I'd never trust my little brother to do anything in any time critical fashion, but I'd trust him to keep an eye on my kids. If we're talking about some really grand version of trust, if we're expecting perfection, then nobody is worthy of trust.
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
basically I have residual trust issues from childhood. That being said, I see life as a Machiavellian social chess game.
 

rav3n

.
Joined
Aug 6, 2010
Messages
11,655
Ni is a strange beast. It sniffs patterns out and can predict if someone will turn on you or not so I have layers of trust where in each layer, there are vulnerabilities exposed. It's almost like throwing out deliberate bait to see if people bite. If they bite, they're kept to the furthest layer of trust. If they don't bite over a period of time, they're allowed into the next layer. And on.

The funny part is that when it comes to vulnerabilities that can truly hurt me, no one gets into my core. That's just for me, myself and I.
 
Top