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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chloe View Post
    is being in control only a perceived thing ? can you really lose control if you trust someone ? i think it is just perception, rudiments from survival fears. when you were kid you would literally get hurt if you trusted someone who is dangerous. now, rarely trusting is really letal. people fear stuff like intimacy and gossip, which aren't letal, but we still fear them as if they are.
    To overcome our loneliness we need to trust another person. So with due diligence and prudence we start to enter a trusting relationship.

    At this point the danger is that we think one of us can control the relationship, when the relationship is bigger than either person and is out of the control of a single person.

    And being out of control of a single person, the relationship can only work on the basis of trust.

    And is it simply by entering a relationship bigger than ourselves, we overcome our loneliness.

  2. #32
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    I can relate to the OP....I wouldn't call myself suspicious of people, and I'm generally on the trusting side. On the other hand, in addition to giving people the benefit of the doubt, I am understanding of human nature. I don't expect people to be infallibly trustworthy. It's not a negative suspicion, just an acceptance of people. I accept this of myself too - I am not perfectly loyal or honest, even if I intend the best. So by keeping a realistic view of what people are & aren't capable of, I am not too naive, but also not cynical. When I have cynical moments, it's mostly an emotional bitterness coming out, not a true mistrust of people that extends past those moments.

    I am guarded with deeper feelings, and I suppose that is a matter of trust, but it's less that I suspect people of bad then I remain unsure of them. I haven't made any assumption, rather I prefer to wait & see.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I can relate to the OP....I wouldn't call myself suspicious of people, and I'm generally on the trusting side. On the other hand, in addition to giving people the benefit of the doubt, I am understanding of human nature. I don't expect people to be infallibly trustworthy. It's not a negative suspicion, just an acceptance of people. I accept this of myself too - I am not perfectly loyal or honest, even if I intend the best. So by keeping a realistic view of what people are & aren't capable of, I am not too naive, but also not cynical. When I have cynical moments, it's mostly an emotional bitterness coming out, not a true mistrust of people that extends past those moments.

    I am guarded with deeper feelings, and I suppose that is a matter of trust, but it's less that I suspect people of bad then I remain unsure of them. I haven't made any assumption, rather I prefer to wait & see.
    Some are more trustworhy than others. And some situations engender trust and some don't.

    So we need to approach others and situations with prudence and due diligence, looking for the trustworthy, and finding situations where it is safe to trust.

    And if we ourselves are trustworthy, we will attract those looking for trust.

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