User Tag List

First 1234 Last

Results 21 to 30 of 33

  1. #21
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Posts
    18,524

    Loneliness and Trust

    We can't overcome loneliness by ourselves. We need someone else to overcome our loneliness. And we need to trust someone else to overcome our loneliness.

    Unfortunately when we are lonely, we start to loose our social skills, and so meeting and greeting becomes a negative experience. And so in our loneliness we start to avoid social occasions. But worse, we start to think we can overcome the pain of our loneliness by ourselves, but it only makes it worse.

    We think that by being in control we will be OK, but trusting someone else means letting go of control to a significant degree.

    Also finding a friend to trust is also a matter of luck. So the more we meet and greet, the more we increase our chances of meeting someone to trust and so end our loneliness.

  2. #22
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    6,748

    Default

    For me, there is no rhyme or reason attached to it. It is just completely ingrained. I've been that way for as long as I can remember. I can make logical arguments either way, it doesn't matter, it's part of my DNA.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  3. #23
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    2,204

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    For me, there is no rhyme or reason attached to it. It is just completely ingrained. I've been that way for as long as I can remember. I can make logical arguments either way, it doesn't matter, it's part of my DNA.
    I used to think like this, but then again, how can you know you were "born" tat way ? I seriously doubt small babies are born without trust in people. it is learned, I guess. Expecting that someone will backstab you or something doesnt come out of your DNA, it is from experiences - how you interpreted the world


    thats at least my optimistic approach.


    many people mix being naive with being too trusting, i think those are 2 totally different things

  4. #24
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    2,204

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    We think that by being in control we will be OK, but trusting someone else means letting go of control to a significant degree.
    is being in control only a perceived thing ? can you really lose control if you trust someone ? i think it is just perception, rudiments from survival fears. when you were kid you would literally get hurt if you trusted someone who is dangerous. now, rarely trusting is really letal. people fear stuff like intimacy and gossip, which aren't letal, but we still fear them as if they are.

  5. #25
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    6,748

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chloe View Post
    I used to think like this, but then again, how can you know you were "born" tat way ? I seriously doubt small babies are born without trust in people. it is learned, I guess. Expecting that someone will backstab you or something doesnt come out of your DNA, it is from experiences - how you interpreted the world


    thats at least my optimistic approach.


    many people mix being naive with being too trusting, i think those are 2 totally different things
    Maybe- I don't know what experiences taught me that, though. I know that I always expected that people were untrustworthy and the few occurrences that it was true, the lack of trust grew way out of proportion to the times that I've trusted. I understand the reasons to trust but don't physically trust people, can not incorporate trust into my heart.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  6. #26
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    2,204

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    Maybe- I don't know what experiences taught me that, though. I know that I always expected that people were untrustworthy and the few occurrences that it was true, the lack of trust grew way out of proportion to the times that I've trusted. I understand the reasons to trust but don't physically trust people, can not incorporate trust into my heart.
    All people, more or less, grew up in some unfrendly enviorment, but not all think "you shouldnt trust people", it's what you interpreted as truth. this is why i liked the method i posted in my thread, about eliminating beliefs, it can literally eliminate stuff like "i dont trust people" and "people aren't trustworthy" in an hour. because it goes back to where you formed it and when you thought that is the only reality. if it was, nobody would trust people.

  7. #27
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    MBTI
    enfp
    Enneagram
    6w7 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEE
    Posts
    6,748

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Chloe View Post
    All people, more or less, grew up in some unfrendly enviorment, but not all think "you shouldnt trust people", it's what you interpreted as truth. this is why i liked the method i posted in my thread, about eliminating beliefs, it can literally eliminate stuff like "i dont trust people" and "people aren't trustworthy" in an hour. because it goes back to where you formed it and when you thought that is the only reality. if it was, nobody would trust people.
    I said "I grew up in an unfriendly environment"?
    (Some people grew up in a friendly environment and think "you shouldn't trust people" I suppose.)

    Edit: I don't even know that it is a bad or negative thing. I think there are pros and cons to trusting and pros and cons to untrusting.
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Chloe's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    2,204

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by shortnsweet View Post
    I said "I grew up in an unfriendly environment"?
    (Some people grew up in a friendly environment and think "you shouldn't trust people" I suppose.)
    no. i am saying that most people have some experiences in childhood out of which they can conclude that people shouldnt be trusted, and they dont, so it's how you interpret them. i wasnt talking about you.

  9. #29
    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    8w9
    Posts
    9,710

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post

    I just tend to feel that many (most?) people are basically unreliable and lack self-awareness, and therefore unlikely to act in everyone's best interests. And people seem to be very selfish these days, too. I think society is conditioning us in that direction. Certainly I've realised lately that sometimes I actually need to be a bit more selfish and self-protective - but you can do that and still be a basically unselfish person. I don't always succeed but I more or less work in that direction. But it seems as though "unselfish" is such a foreign concept to a lot of people that they will look at you bug-eyed if you raise it. And I don't really trust people like that.
    Unreliable, no. Completely incapable of fulfilling basic adult behavior. That's why when someone actually is reliable and responsible, it's a shocker. It's uncommon. The reason for this, I think, is because it isn't expected of anyone. There is always a reason or a circumstance or something I just don't understand blah blah blah more noise. I'm sick to death of hearing the why. I. Don't. Care why. There is no acceptable reason for being a fuck up/semi fuck up on an everyday basis, fuck ups choose to be this way. I didn't set the bar this low but society does. There is no incentive for them to change, well, not one that requires little to no effort anyway.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  10. #30
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 so/sp
    Posts
    2,912

    Default

    Trust is a complicated concept - there is much more to it than simply being trusting or not.

    I'm not at all a naturally suspicious person however I'm not exactly going to give my credit card details to strangers. I give people the benefit of the doubt and think most people are basically decent but on the other hand, I keep a great deal about myself hidden from almost everyone because I don't trust anyone with such details.

    There are different layers of trust. Personally, I'm liberal with the top layers and extremely circumspect with the deeper ones - most people seem to be more consistent than that.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 0
    Last Post: 06-09-2017, 01:54 PM
  2. Why don't people "get" you?
    By Sunshine in forum The Fluff Zone
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 09-19-2008, 04:25 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO