Don't Be Yourself

[Qlip]

Be yourself. This is common advice. Maybe it's because everybody is really a shining jewel deep down inside. Or maybe because it's really not worth the effort to work against yourself.

But, what I want to hear is when you're not yourself. What are those subjects that you're interested in that you've decided just creeps everybody out, or bores them? What is that thing you want to wear that your friends have expressedly told you not to? What have you changed about yourself to make life easier?

 

[Chloe]

there is not literally a thing like 'yourself'*. There is what you believe you are... and you forgot you just BELIEVE you are those things, so you think that you are what you believe about yourself. Your mind created some beliefs about yourself, like 'i am a hard worker', 'i am less intelligent than others', 'i have bad people skills', and you forgot that that is only a creation, you forgot that you are the creator of beliefs about yourself, so you walk around and live your life thinking you're that Creation.

*of course there are your heart's desires..wishes..tastes... but then if you decide to STFU about soemthing you're interested in - ex. you dont want to talk in front of some friends about MBTI bc they will think you're weird - so your problem isn't that you like MBTI.. your problem is "i am weird [if i like]" , "they think i am weird" and then you stop being person that "likes mbti" you become this "weirdo" in your head, you treat yourself as "this weirdo". mbti is irrelevant.

and when you remove all beliefs about yourself... then you can be whatever you want to be. literally.


(yeah this theory kind off contradicts mbti, which i am not so huge fan of anyways)

 

[Xenon]

I hate when people say that. Rightly or wrongly, I tend to get the impression that the 'just be yourself' adviser is just the type that is naturally very personable and likable. And since all (s)he's ever had to do to win people over is just be their personable and likable self, they naively assume it's that freaking easy for everyone else.

It's not like people should build relationships on being fake or pretending, and I guess some people rely on putting up a front and could use this advice...but everyone shows some things and holds back others in any given situation. And sometimes relating to people better does involve doing some work on yourself, building new interests to gain more common ground with others, opening up your life and experiencing new things if you don't have much going on that you can share with others, learning to understand people better, learning to focus on others instead of withdrawing into your thoughts all the time, etc.

 

[gromit]

People don't want to hear my complaining.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I truly don't believe you can be anything other than what you are; it isn't creation it is discovery.

 

[wolfy]

Be yourself. This is common advice. Maybe it's because everybody is really a shining jewel deep down inside. Or maybe because it's really not worth the effort to work against yourself.

But, what I want to hear is when you're not yourself. What are those subjects that you're interested in that you've decided just creeps everybody out, or bores them? What is that thing you want to wear that your friends have expressedly told you not to? What have you changed about yourself to make life easier?

I see what you're getting at here... but I adapt to have impact, work within what I like. See what I have done? It is always yourself. But anyway... there is tons of stuff that has been influenced by others. I don't know though... I can't think of much I didn't do.

I stopped wearing long socks.

 

[wolfy]

I truly don't believe you can be anything other than what you are; it isn't creation it is discovery.

I think it is creation. Actually, I get what you are saying though.

 

[entropie]

I think "be yourself" mainly regards to your decisions and that you should not always take into consideration the other people, but sometimes be egoistical in your decisions and do what you want.

 

[prplchknz]

the motto should be "Be yourself, as long as yourself isn't an asshole, weirdo, or creep" or "be yourself, as long as it's exactly how I want you to be"

that's what they mean when they say "Be yourself" isn't it.

 

[Such Irony]

But, what I want to hear is when you're not yourself. What are those subjects that you're interested in that you've decided just creeps everybody out, or bores them?

Personality types

What is that thing you want to wear that your friends have expressedly told you not to?

Nothing.

What have you changed about yourself to make life easier?

It isn't about changing my core self, rather my self presentation. Sometimes to get along and to keep a job you can't just always blurt out whatever is on your mind. In job interviews, I've found some 'faking it till you make it' necessary.

 

[Asterion]

I think this works for some things. Like I hide that I like kind of girly music sometimes:

But I've slowly been showing other people. Same with the enneagram MBTI, I tend to hide those thoughts, I have shown people I know, and they find it interesting... but I don't want to appear as obsessed as I really am, lol. Anime I hide too sometimes. It's just too fluffy to some people, and I don't want to be associated with it. It's good to be yourself in this sense, if you like something weird, or do something weird you should be open to others as opposed to secretiveness and withdrawing all of your thoughts.

But if you try to become more yourself, and you're very schizoid, bossy, scattered, obsessive, disciplined or narcissistic... then you're obviously going to find yourself with a problem. You're going to become unbalanced and you develop problems.

Oh, and sometimes I wear overly formal clothes to uni because I like them, lol. I have a favourite t-shirt, black pants and belt. It looks so flashy . People always ask me why I wear it because it's different than my more comfortable clothing, and they tease me saying that there must be a girl I'm trying to impress lol.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

Of course I'm always myself. But I believe I understand your question. Your asking about when I deliberately suppress something about myself when dealing with other people.

I guess that would be most things.

I keep most of my thoughts to myself. I rarely start conversations and I generally let other people steer conversations because I believe that almost everything I have to say is too technical, too controversial, or too personal to be worth mentioning. I modify my body language because I think people will find it odd or inappropriate. I hide my taste in music especially but to a lesser extent film because I don't see what I'd gain out of mentioning it but I do see it as an opening to be attacked.

For the record, I don't lie. I say I believe things I don't or pretend to like things I don't. I'm just very inaccessible to people.

 

[Viridian]

I can kinda relate... I don't tell many people IRL that I read manga.

However, I'm not sure that would mean I'm not being myself... I do have a tendency to be shy and disclose little about my personal interests and opinions when in a not-particularly-healthy state. Does that mean I'm "not being myself"?

 

[iris.moon]

the motto should be "Be yourself, as long as yourself isn't an asshole, weirdo, or creep" or "be yourself, as long as it's exactly how I want you to be"
that's what they mean when they say "Be yourself" isn't it.

That's right.
However, sometimes I don't speak my mind to be accepted. I usually don't even think "ehy I'm not showing who I really am", it's automatic, it's about self-preservation I guess. When someone tells me not to do something, I don't care and I keep doing it. Why? Because I think being yourself means feeling ok, doing whatever crosses your mind. Faking is ok for some time, but it's so stressing!

 

[VagrantFarce]

I think what's important is to understand just how utterly malleable you really are as a person - you can be anything you want to be, so don't do yourself the disservice of thinking you can't change.

 

[mrcockburn]

the motto should be "Be yourself, as long as yourself isn't an asshole, weirdo, or creep" or "be yourself, as long as it's exactly how I want you to be"

that's what they mean when they say "Be yourself" isn't it.

Exactly. The same people who say that with a fake smile plastered on their faces are the same people who judge/ostracize anyone who actually does take the advice.

 

[rav3n]

Qlip, I'm not even sure of my understanding in that last paragraph of the opening post. If you've honestly changed something about yourself to make life easier, why wouldn't you be yourself?

As far as being yourself, do it. Otherwise what happens when you hook someone by "fooling" them and then your real self comes out after you've relaxed? Not too many people can maintain a public face forever. How about, say goodbye to the relationship or friendship?

 

[Ginkgo]

I truly don't believe you can be anything other than what you are; it isn't creation it is discovery.

Both.

 

[Qlip]

Qlip, I'm not even sure of my understanding in that last paragraph of the opening post. If you've honestly changed something about yourself to make life easier, why wouldn't you be yourself?

As far as being yourself, do it. Otherwise what happens when you hook someone by "fooling" them and then your real self comes out after you've relaxed? Not too many people can maintain a public face forever. How about, say goodbye to the relationship or friendship?

I just wanted to hear people's thoughts on how they represented themselves to the world. This wasn't about anything specific, really. Well, actually, I'm in kind of this midlife adolesence, so I can't say my question is totally unattached to anything real.

My real problem is with people's perceptions. I don't want to fool anybody about who I am, but people seem so quick to judge who you are on a snapshot. I'd like this snapshot to be somewhat accurate.

I think a lot of people kind of engineered some sort of image for themselves at adolesence, consciously or subconsciously. I was preoccupied at the time and am doing some exploring now.

As far as my answer. Well, right now I tailor myself to some degree to who I'm interacting with. But I'm more conscious about it now, and make sure not to misrepresent myself. I've got a very wide variety of life experience, it's easy sometimes for people to believe that I am more like them than I am because I share some sort of common experience.

I don't correct besides-the-point factual inaccuracies with my laid back acquantances or tell them about my robot. I don't lightly share any of my youth mini-hoodlum stories with my straight laced friends, or try to spark up conversations about John Waters films.

I'm always shy to discuss my insatiable interest in HS romantic comedies, and historical period movies for similar reasons. And clothing wise, I've been actually buying and wearing stuff that I like. Which I believe was responsible for me getting invited to a GLT Halloween party (which I couldn't attend). I suppose that can be considered validation or failure for just being yourself, depending on how to look at it. I haven't figured it out yet.

 

[Moiety]

I think the proverbial "be yourself" is intimately connected to the proverbial "know thyself".

So it's not even about the image one has of oneself. Definitely not about the clothes your wear or your interests....but about being able to throw aways stupid labels like "I'm sexy, I'm cool, I"m a leader,I'm a failure,I'm geek,I'm a jock,I'm a self-made man, I'm a bum etc" and just BE beyond labels and boxes and other people's interpretation and our own interpretations of who we are.

It's also about being a dick, if that's how you really feel inside, or being a loving person if that's how you feel inside. It's about non-judging and not taking façades too seriously and also about facing your inner demons. Being able to admit your afraid when you are, being able to admit your biggest faults.

It's really all about transparency without the heavy layer of dramatic "i'm gonna show the world who I really am now!!!". It's not about being special. It's about being who you are without labeling everything as either good or bad.

At least that's my take on it. It's not about personal pride or about feeling ashamed. It's about being who you are rather than interpreting who you are.

For me a good example of a situation that can clarify this issue is about people coming out of the closet and admitting they are gay. For some people this means a period of gay pride, and going to gay things, and identifying with gay causes and dressing differently etc etc. But at the end of the day gay is nothing to be proud of, or ashamed. Being gay is nothing something you need to DO. You either are or aren't. The same can be said for anything else. Being gay is not wearing this or that or being like this or like that. It's what's beyond the social labels, pro or against.

Our society is SO obsessed with image and style over substance it's fucking ridiculous. Who you are doesn't need to be communicated all the time. Actions speak louder than words, so just be. Obviously that takes guts, but that's what the expression "be yourself" is calling us to do, imo.