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Thread: How do you process the advice others give you?

  1. #1
    Senior Member Array TenebrousReflection's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
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    Default How do you process the advice others give you?

    One of my weak areas is dealing with advice from others, so I'm curious how others see the process of recieving advice from other within themselves.

    *** This assumes that the advice was requested by you ***

    Person gives me advice.
    If there is a conflict with one of my values, I become argumentive or defensive.
    (my sense of honor has been the most frequent cause of that)
    If there is no value conflict, the following steps occur

    I evaluate probable outcome (value)
    I evaluate what is needed to enact advice (cost)
    I do a cost/benefit analysis and take action (or lack of action) based on that.

    The problem I find with myself is that more often than not, what I think will be the probable benefit does not match what the advice giver thinks will be the probable outcome, and I end up ignoring their advice. Another common result is that I feel the advice is sound, but not a good fit for me (if the advice requires extraversion for success for example).

    Because this has caused problems for me both recently and in the past, my new approach (if the advice giver is someone I care about, or if I specifically asked for advice and did not challenge the merits of the notion) is to try to follow the advice, but I often end up doing so halfheartedly because I have the preconception that it is a waste of time and I'm just doing it to be more courteous of the feelings of the advice giver (and to void the "well, I told you should have done ____" scenario). Another problem with this, is that it sometimes creates a sense of resentment if I'm doing it to avoid an arguement.
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  2. #2


    I react to it negatively when it goes against my self-perception but after that initial reaction, I thoroughly examine the piece of advice to see how it fits into the scheme of things. If it fits, then I implement it. If it doesn't fit, I store it at the back of my mind and re-examine the past advice when I need to start some life change. The way I see advice is that most of it has some kernel of truth but the difficult thing is to determine, to what extent? It might be worthless at one point in your life but of value a few years down the road.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Array giegs's Avatar
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    Sep 2011


    Sometimes I'll just take their advice as I was looking for an opinion that wasn't my own.

    Other times, especially if it's an important issue I'll examine their advice with a tendency to be extremely critical. Usually I think about what their conception of my desires likely is, how it might be inaccurate, and how that might influence the advice given. The data set they're working from is crucial. If I solicited advice I've likely provided them with some context and input. Depending on circumstance this might mean I've intentionally omitted something and know the limitations of their understanding fairly well. It helps me play around with and evaluate the importance of the omitted info more effectively. Usually I don't act directly on the advice given but use it to inform my decision process after the fact.

  4. #4
    On a mission Array Usehername's Avatar
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    May 2007


    If there's even a modicum of truth in what they're saying, I try to value their perspective and use it as a data point. Even if they're missing a big part of the story, they are often getting at something and that's the point of them volunteering information. That "something" is what I'm willing to learn. It helps me develop and find my own path.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member Array niffer's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
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    First, I try to determine whether or not the advice they gave was likely affected by them trying to manipulate me into doing what they want for their benefit.

    It depends on the delivery. I have been known to get defensive if criticism that I can't yet see fairness in is attached to it, but I've learned to control that in myself mostly, especially with which situations and what is appropriate to get defensive about.

    Then usually I consider trying out their advice. I try to get the opinions of as many people as possible, and think through them myself to figure out what sounds most reasonable to me and how much their advice matches my situation, as well as their understanding of my situation upon delivering the advice. Depending on what I think about people's advice I may not take anyone's at all.
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  6. #6
    Junior Member Array DonCoryon's Avatar
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    Oct 2011


    When I ask for advice I am more interested in hearing the person's premises than their conclusion. I think for myself and draw my own conclusion to a problem. In that respect I can sometimes appear to either follow or not follow the advice of someone.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Array Beargryllz's Avatar
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    Jun 2010


    I always consider it to be criticism. I can't really process it any other way. It kind of sucks.

  8. #8
    Member Array Matt_s's Avatar
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    May 2011


    I'm all ears to advice on how to make better pancakes or perform tasks more efficiently in general, unless the source is someone whom I know to have oral diarrhea. Advice on how to meet woman, make money and altogether improve my social standing I take with a grain of salt or completely ignore. The more knowledge I feel is required of my personal situation, the less inclined I am to accept advice.
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  9. #9
    Starcrossed Seafarer Array Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Jun 2010


    Think about it and decide whether it aligns with my personal values, and evaluate whether the predicted outcome of this advice is better or worse than the alternative.
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  10. #10
    eating bugs out of hair. Array prplchknz's Avatar
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    Jun 2007


    I decide if it's shit advice or if it's good advice good advice i follow if I feel like.
    by @magpie

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