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  1. #31
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    If depression is a factor, that is something you will have to work with to get better - I'm not sure from what you've posted if that is the case.

    But I do think that people can feel less lonely if they look outside of themselves more. I mean, you have to look at/into yourself to a certain extent, to work on being content with yourself and your own company, and accepting yourself but also working on your flaws. However, being self-centered (harsh word I know) can make loneliness feel worse. I've been there, we've all been there. I was talking with one of my best friends last night who is a very selfless and giving person - she has had another bout of depression lately and said that she found herself slipping into "me me me" syndrome again. And that's not really the type of person she is. I've had episodes of at least borderline depression myself and at such times it is so hard to look outside of yourself. Your pain fills the whole world. But I tend to think that people who consistently feel lonely and isolated tend to be looking mainly at what they can get from other people, and not thinking about what they might be able to do for someone else. It's amazing how much better you can feel - even though it will not make all the problems go away - if you manage to do something good for another person or bring something into their life.
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  2. #32
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    But I do think that people can feel less lonely if they look outside of themselves more. I mean, you have to look at/into yourself to a certain extent, to work on being content with yourself and your own company, and accepting yourself but also working on your flaws. However, being self-centered (harsh word I know) can make loneliness feel worse.
    Yup. It's kind of a narrow dance. One doesn't want to focus too much on getting their own self-definition from others -- you have to have a sense of yourself and wholeness INSIDE of you -- but at the same time self-absorption will increase the magnitude of any discomfort, and you want to be directed outward rather than inward.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  3. #33
    morose bourgeoisie
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    I fight this kind of loneliness everyday. Someone told me once that when you finally awaken from your delusions, you can't go back to sleep. This is the dark side of that.

  4. #34
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Contented in my total and utter and abject by myself, even cosmic loneliness.

    Anyone want to come and alone with me?

  5. #35
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    I used to feel like this at times.

    I just felt an emptiness at times that I had no one to really talk to, understand me, and totally know where I was coming from. I thought it was more about the kind of connection I wanted with people and it seemed like too much to ask for. The sort of (traditional) things people did with their friends, well it just seemed empty and pointless to me. It was either too little or too much.

    This made me realize some things. The kind of support, understanding, and acceptance that I needed really came from myself. I just realized no one could "give" these things to me, that it was mine to withhold or give to myself. Pretty much what Qlip and Jennifer said.
    Last edited by Redbone; 10-31-2011 at 06:10 PM. Reason: massive distraction!

  6. #36
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lark View Post
    Contented in my total and utter and abject by myself, even cosmic loneliness.

    Anyone want to come and alone with me?
    Sure. I could use a beer.

  7. #37
    Senior Member Lightyear's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post

    But I do think that people can feel less lonely if they look outside of themselves more.
    Totally agree with that. I certainly have my moments of feeling lonely and disconnected but it really helps to listen to other people and realise that you are not the only one with difficulties and moments of disconnection in your life. As others have said I also find that my faith in God helps me a lot, if no one else understands me God does.

  8. #38
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Redbone View Post
    I just felt an emptiness at times that I had no one to really talk to, understand me, and totally know where I was coming from. I thought it was more about the kind of connection I wanted with people and it seemed like too much to ask for. The sort of (traditional) things people did with their friends, well it just seemed empty and pointless to me. It was either too little or too much.

    This made me realize some things. The kind of support, understanding, and acceptance that I needed really came from myself. I just realized no one could "give" these things to me, that it was mine to withhold or give to myself. Pretty much what Qlip and Jennifer said.
    I value tremendously the few connections I do manage to make, but overall share your perspective. Very well stated.

    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    But I tend to think that people who consistently feel lonely and isolated tend to be looking mainly at what they can get from other people, and not thinking about what they might be able to do for someone else. It's amazing how much better you can feel - even though it will not make all the problems go away - if you manage to do something good for another person or bring something into their life.
    Most of the time, it seems the best thing I can do for other people is just to keep my distance and let them be.
    I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...

  9. #39
    As Long As It Takes.... Redbone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    I value tremendously the few connections I do manage to make, but overall share your perspective. Very well stated..
    Absolutely. Same here. The few connections I have are very deep and full of meaning to me. Even if we lose touch for extended periods, that vibe and connection never go away.

  10. #40
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Wadya want?

    When I reach out from my deepest core, I find I am connected to my satisfaction.

    Of course it is risky to reach out from one's deepest self. One is likely to be misunderstood or rejected. So it takes courage and persistence.

    So I find my existential self at my very deepest, and I find the existential other around me every day. And between the two is an electric potential, and all I have to do is to throw the switch at the right time in the right place for lightning to light up our world. Of course it is high risk, and one can get burnt.

    So the pain of existential loneliness is our potential for communion.

    So wadya want - the quotidian or communion?

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