Your situation comes across as draining, whereas I see helping people— whom I may, or may not, know — as problem solving. Then I move on. I have never dealt with anyone who would even think of giving me flak for solving the problem. Maybe since I don't see helping people as an emotional investment, I don't get wacky emotional responses. It seems pretty much like common sense to me: You help someone out and they do not give you shit. Now watch - after writing this, some nut will give me shit for helping them out. Lol.
I hear you. I think it's really hard for me not to get emotionally invested. The question is weighing up who deserves it and what benefit there is for anyone involved including me, and how much the investment is going to be.
Originally Posted by Halla74
"OK, it's one thing for you to be pissed at the world, but it's another matter entirely to be pissed at me. I'm the one consistent, good person who makes an effort to look after you. I refuse to allow you to blame all your problems on me. If that is how you feel then you and I have no further need to interact. Be civil, or be silent."
This is really good... I think some variant on this could be very useful for me... Also, the GAD thing will bear looking into I think.
Originally Posted by nebbykoo
When someone is being a pain in the ass, I often think of this quote from The Way of The Peaceful Warrior: Those who are the hardest to love are the ones who need it most
True in many ways. Again I guess it's about the degree of investment, and whether or not you are doing yourself harm by trying to be loving and helping. I'm too much of an idealist sometimes, I think part of it is that *coughstupidcough* thing INFJs do (NFs generally I guess) of seeing potential. THe trouble is, however much you try to be loving and helping, some people will throw it all back in your face and let you down and all the rest of it... The letdown is less if you haven't massively overinvested. Sadly, some people don't have much potential to improve. Or if you end up consistently feeling that way about them, at least you're probably not the one to help them find that potential.
Maybe you tend to be attracted people who are ungrateful and end up helping them? I'm sure there are a lot of people in the world who would love your help. Maybe you should give up on the ungrateful ones and go looking for some more pleasant people.
In the case of the teenager, she might be looking for unconditional love from you and is testing you to see if you will continue to be there for her.
I've tried to help two people who were close to me as some point in my life as i've seen their potential and it's been thrown in my face. The last time cost me a lot in finacial and emotional terms. I wasn't looking for gratitude per se, i do feel that i was taken advantage of though and that hurt more than anything else.
I've come to realise that sometimes people need to help themselves .. As no matter how much you try to help/assist/guide, it's never enough. Sometimes people have to fall, hit rock bottom then climb up on their own in their own time.
“I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
― Georgia O'Keeffe