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  1. #21
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NotOfTwo View Post
    I think I get your point, but I have experienced both sides of "easy come, easy go". (just saying)
    This may have happened to you a few times but I think in reality this is a random phenomenon. I believe a lot of things that happen in relationships happen because of luck or just by random chance. In other words, someone could come just as easy and never go. I've seen that happen too.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wanderer View Post
    I think it's entirely possible for there to be exceptions to the rules (I know my sisters are, and I'm super proud of them ^_^) and maybe you and a few other women on this forum are similarly exempt from this (in which case.. why can't there be more of you!?!?) but I think overall, this "alternate interest with disinterest"/"playing hard to get" tactic is used by both genders. Girls do it as often as guys do xD

    It's just another aspect of the games most people play when they're in the dating world.

    Personally? I think it's immature and stupid, and I'm not any good at it.
    But if that's how everyone else is playing the game..

    ..then some of us cross our arms and sit on the sidelines.
    There's no need to check out completely. Just avoid it when you see signs of it.

  2. #22
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    Not too long ago, I had the experience of something that made me question my own emotional landscape quite harshly. But...that's my usual M.O., attempting to rationalise/justify why it would be worthwhile to engage. As it turned out, the warnings were going and there was good reason to be wary. So maybe I'm only 1/2 as emotionally fucked up as originally thought.

    Anyways, nope. Top and only priority or you can kiss my ass goodbye.

  3. #23
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    In the attraction stage of things, which is initially, nothing makes my blood run cold faster than if a guy I like seems uninterested. I guess I just enjoy mutual attraction most and am not that much of a masochist. There is nothing romantic or sexy to me about things being one-sided. Like SilkRoad said, where it starts getting hairy is if a guy has already convinced you that he's interested and then changes gears and acts disinterested. Basically a push-pull deal. I know PUA teaches this but it's modeled after something real that can occur.
    I'm this way as well.

    My romantic relationships have been with men who communicated interest in me very clearly from the beginning. This assurance definitely increased my interest, as it allowed me to open up & connect to that person more.

    I don't find mixed messages to make someone more attractive, although it may not make them unattractive either. It depends on how I interpret these messages (are they being cautious, are they legitimately busy, etc). I don't note any reaction in myself that indicates this ups someone's "value" to me. "Too easy" to me means someone is desperate & not interested in me as an individual so much as just getting SOMEONE, and that is why it is a turn-off. I want someone who likes me for me, not someone who just wants any girl, so some signs of discernment on their part & not jumping in too fast is good to me.

    If there is no clear interest at all, however, or it's a clear push-pull game, then my interest tends to wane very fast. IDK, I've always imagined I am either well-adjusted in that way, not much of a risk-taker in that way, or both. I think it works with some women because it plays on a competitive spirit & a certain kind of insecurity; I'm not competitive & that's not my brand of insecurity.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

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  4. #24
    ^He pronks, too! Magic Poriferan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NotOfTwo View Post
    Too easy = not valued
    Quote Originally Posted by NotOfTwo View Post
    I think I get your point, but I have experienced both sides of "easy come, easy go". (just saying)
    I don't think easy come necessarily means easy go. Easy come could, and should, result from the fact that the person has genuine magnetism toward you. They like you, respect you, find you attractive, identify, etc...

    Ease attainment would never make me feel under-valued. Having someone lean in and pull away, and play around with me over and over again, that would make me feel under-valued.
    Go to sleep, iguana.


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  5. #25
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I think sometimes my problem has been having too much of an eye to potential. I mean, every human being has potential. But often it is better to realise sooner than later that where YOU are concerned, they have no potential.

    Similarly, I have recently realised that while I have no right to call another human being "a waste of space" - it is perfectly possible that they may be a waste of space IN MY LIFE if I allow them to remain there.
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  6. #26
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Catbert View Post
    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...tic-attraction

    But the research found:

    In conclusion, women are irrational when judging suitability of mates based on Facebook profiles. No?
    Men are attracted to sure things where women need it to be gamble?

  7. #27
    small potatoes NotOfTwo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    I don't think easy come necessarily means easy go. Easy come could, and should, result from the fact that the person has genuine magnetism toward you. They like you, respect you, find you attractive, identify, etc...

    Having someone lean in and pull away, and play around with me over and over again, that would make me feel under-valued.
    I hear you. I agree with you for the most part.
    Just saying that if I draw a conclusion from my own humble and limited experience, I have noticed not jumping up and down with glee right off the bat works better for me. Both for romance and friendships. Even if it's hard not to.

    Everyone should go with their own gut though.
    "It's never enough." The Cure

  8. #28
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    I think a lot of what people perceive as "game playing," isn't really due to someone wanting to manipulate someone else. I think a lot of it is insecurity. One person does something to show they like the other one. Then they panic because they put themselves out too far. Then they act like they aren't interested to cover their own insecurities. With two people doing that, it's a miracle that anyone gets together.

  9. #29
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I think a lot of what people perceive as "game playing," isn't really due to someone wanting to manipulate someone else. I think a lot of it is insecurity. One person does something to show they like the other one. Then they panic because they put themselves out too far. Then they act like they aren't interested to cover their own insecurities. With two people doing that, it's a miracle that anyone gets together.
    I basically agree with this. However, I think there would be less of this if people were just a bit more self-aware and thought a bit more before they acted. Otherwise you have people acting on impulse all the time and showing clear interest, possibly getting the other person emotionally involved, then pulling back, then showing interest again... I think it's kinder to not flirt to just "see how it feels" or to give yourself a little ego boost. And later saying "oh no, I didn't really feel that way about you, I thought you realised that."

    THe line between game-playing and inadvertently sending mixed messages because of insecurity can be pretty fine.
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