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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Any sort of "self" that can recognize its own existence is built upon memories -- otherwise we are just creatures of current desire and instinct acting in the Now without any sense of what came before or what might come after. I suppose perhaps that memories can make changes in brain wiring that would then operate even if the memories themselves were removed, but we typically do remember things that have happened in our past as we go about making decisions later in life; and when we don't, this is often called "reacting out of the subconscious," where we might be acting in destructive ways without really understand why we're doing them... like repeating patterns we've learned in the past that are no longer effective. Without memories, we cannot review these behaviors and make conscious decision to change the ones we realize are arbitrary and now useless.
    Tertiary Si much?

    (I identify with this a good bit.)

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by senza_tema View Post
    Tertiary Si much?

    (I identify with this a good bit.)
    psst. i think @Jennifer is secretly an INFP.

  3. #13
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    haha, I am pretty good at blocking out stuff I don't want to remember.....

  4. #14
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    psst. i think Jennifer is secretly an INFP.
    I wouldn't know; I burned those memories out of my brain long ago.

    PS. You just want another playmate, don't you???

    Quote Originally Posted by senza_tema View Post
    Tertiary Si much?
    (I identify with this a good bit.)
    Definitely. In fact, I've been actively thinking about tertiary Si in the last few weeks. For example, I had my 25th high school reunion two weekends ago, and it made me feel good to go back and reconnect with people even if I wasn't close to them. I felt like I was bringing closure back to my life and reclaiming parts of it I had drifted away from. The next day I drove through the entire area where I grew up and found myself triggering memories from many different periods of my youth that I have not thought of for years -- and it gave me a sense of fulfillment and integration, of knowing who I was. (A LOT of my life has changed over the last three years or so and some more changes are coming up in my personal life and my job in the next month or two.)

    I would say I don't have primary Si because I can handle a changing environment much better than a stagnating one where nothing changes; in the latter I feel smothered and dying... one reason why I made changes to my life, because I realized my Si ex and my Si family had really tried to keep me in those expected pathways and I just can't stay there without feeling dead.

    But definitely Si experience plays a role in my psyche. I prefer to think of it as a stabilizer for change. I can pursue change more actively and/or explore it because I still have this Si tether to my sense of unfolding self. In the middle of the tumult of change, I still have a solid rope I can cling to.
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  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    I wouldn't know; I burned those memories out of my brain long ago.

  6. #16
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    Is removing memories enough? What about involuntary reactions, those visceral feelings you get that come with very strong remembrances, traumas. Also memories take root and create larger patterns of behavior. It'd be maddning to do things a certain way and not recall why. Then imagine what kind of crap storms you could walk into when you're purposefully messing with your own mental map, not even a 'here be dragons' to warn you, and everybody else just seeing you go there again and shake their heads.

  7. #17
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    When I'm still in the moment (and it can be a very long moment sometimes, weeks or years) where a memory is causing me a lot of pain, I would press the erase button, no question. And the pain does a lot of long-term damage, I have no doubt about that.

    However...eventually the pain does go away, or 90%, or certainly enough to get on with life. And then, those memories do kind of fall into that "this has made me who I am" category. And losing them would mean some kind of loss, at least in terms of personal growth.

    So it's really a tough question to answer. The way I would answer, about specific memories, depends very much where I am in the process of working through the pain associated with those memories. Trust me though, if you asked me when I was right in the middle of those memories and that pain, I would hit the erase button without a moment's hesitation - because that kind of pain can be terrible, debilitating agony for me and can lead to irrational behaviour and depression. I just think it's possible I would regret the erasing later.

    I think though that some people hang onto situations and individuals in their lives because their memories inevitably become rosy. For instance, I simply don't understand the mindset whereby people keep exes around in their lives, even as acquaintances, who truly screwed them over. It's completely foreign to me. And I think in practise it means that you're not going to learn from your experiences, because they get into the same situations over and over. I certainly know people where that seems to be the case. I will never understand why you would want any type of acquaintanceship (unless absolutely necessary, like if you have a child) with someone who had cheated on you (at least systematically), for instance.

    When I was still hurting over a breakup, I remember someone said to me "it's hard because you remember all the good times." I was like...well, that was more of a problem in the earlier stages after the breakup. Later, well, no. I might still have good memories, but they're more to do with the experience than the person (ie. I went to a fantastic play with my ex, and would have loved the play even alone.) The problem is more that I've realised that the guy is an ass and treated me badly, and I don't even like him as a person/friend, yet I'm still emotionally messed up over the whole thing and having difficulty moving on.
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  8. #18
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    I would keep my memories - even the bad ones. They make me who I am today and I'm not totally displeased with that person. If you like where you are, you can't really bitch about the road. That said... there are a couple I'd like to tamp down a bit. There are times late at night when I've been beating up the brandy a bit some ghosts come out of the walls. I've talked to a couple of people with similar memories and I'm told I'm probably stuck with them and, all things considered, I do a pretty good job of managing them. As almost always... it might be worse.
    Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

  9. #19
    Senior Member Wanderer's Avatar
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    I don't know if anyone here has read Peter Pan, but there's an excerpt from it that I think is applicable.

    "Not the pain of this but its unfairness was what dazed Peter. It made him quite helpless. He could only stare, horrified. Every child is affected thus the first time he is treated unfairly. All he thinks he has a right to when he comes to you to be yours is fairness. After you have been unfair to him he will love you again, but will never afterwards be quite the same boy. No one ever gets over the first unfairness; no one except Peter. He often met it, but he always forgot it. I suppose that was the real difference between him and all the rest. "
    If I could forget a year of my life.. it would probably be this past year. May 2010 to May 2011. I wish I could erase all of it, because I was a nicer/better person before those experiences; But to lose those memories would mean being weak in the same areas. Maybe if life was more like the movie "Memento" and I could leave myself notes with what I learned from those experiences, I would. The question is, would I believe the writing I left myself? Or would I cling to my naivete and lack of understanding, rejecting the current "me"'s conclusions as "jaded and cynical"? Life experiences do change us; but I think I'd rather lose the memories and the scars than try to overcome them. Perhaps that's the cop out and the easy way.

    All I know is that I would trade the memories I have in a heartbeat for the person I used to be, rather than have to try to "fix" who I've become.

  10. #20
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    If i'd of seen this thread yesterday morning i'd of said no i wouldn't erase anything as all my experiences good and bad have brought me to this moment. I've learned so much about myself, people, situations and my limitations.

    Today however, i'm aware my memories in some cases are also my children's memories (from a different perspective anyway) and although i'd never intentionally hurt them, there have been times when they have been in the cross fire and that brings me pain.

    Quote Originally Posted by Oakysage View Post
    Unfortunate ones that may upset me is bombarded with whatever positivity I may apply to it. I would be able to, in time, distort my memories to a beautiful degree.
    This.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

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