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Forgiving people

entropie

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Same thing! Forgiveness = letting go of the burden. Moving to the "acceptance" stage of the Five Stages of Grudge-Induced Grief.

I'ld like to comment that with your own words: blah ! blah ! :)
 

EJCC

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I forgive you !
obama_oh-snap.jpg
 

Halla74

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Personally I can't forgive people if they don't know I'm mad at them, but as soon as they know I'm very forgiving. So what's your forgiveness style?

I forgive those who make a sincere apology, show remorse, and who make right whatever harm they did.
If someone is big enough to do all the above, then I have an enormous capacity to forgive. :cheese:

Those who are incapable as such wind up on my shit list, which is not a very good place to be. :angry:

-Alex
 

strawberries

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why is everyone talking in absolutes in this thread? isn't it entirely contextual?

i can't make a blanket statement re whether i forgive people as a rule or not, as it depends entirely on the severity of their transgression and whether they show remorse. eg if someone i broke up with emailed all my friends and colleagues intimate details of our relationship in spite i wouldn't forgive them. however, if they committed a minor social misdemeanour - like deleted my favourite recorded shows on my tele, and then told me they're sorry and gave me an 'i love you starberriezz!' hug i'd probably get over in 1 second and take them out for a falafel. even if it was 30 rock episodes. i'm cool like that.
 
A

A window to the soul

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Forgiveness is surrendering to three simple words, "I forgive you." Your heart & mind will thank you.
 

KDude

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Forgiveness is a dish best served cold.

Wait, nevermind. :whistling:
 

KDude

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If you were, say, abused by a family member as a child, and never got one apology out of it.. and even when confronting them, they brushed it off or made light of it, would you still forgive them? Why? To be a martyr? To think it's your responsibility to be all the good in the world. lol.. I guess if that works, but not everyone gives a shit about being a martyr. Beats me why it's so championed. Like it's the highest ideal or something. There are other options.
 
T

ThatGirl

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To me the ability to forgive comes from their understanding of the error. To be honest, I don't need people to show remorse, grovel, or admit they were wrong, or even provide an apology. If I see that you successfully understand, and are willing to make the necessary adjustments to avoid the same situation in the future, I am more than willing to forgive, because the issue no longer pertains.
 

KDude

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To me the ability to forgive comes from their understanding of the error. To be honest, I don't need people to show remorse, grovel, or admit they were wrong, or even provide an apology. If I see that you successfully understand, and are willing to make the necessary adjustments to avoid the same situation in the future, I am more than willing to forgive, because the issue no longer pertains.

I think that goes without saying. There are all kinds of ways to settle something besides groveling. That's a bit dramatic actually. Heh

But I just have a problem with forgiving the undeserving, and having platitudes shoved down my throat about the issue.

Sometimes forgiveness causes more harm than good. I could use a friend's story now (I'll try to spare everyone my own and seem more objective for now). His brother sexually molested him when he was young. Needless to say, he's grown up with a chip on his shoulder. He never did anything about it for various reasons. Fast forward 20 or so years, and this brother now has a daughter who's come out and reported her dad for the same abuses. It's getting serious now. And the sad thing is, it's torn the family apart. My friend is on the daughter's side, and has opened up more about his own experience, but his mom has cut off communication with both him and her granddaughter. She's sticking with her abusive son's side. She probably knows it's wrong, but she's in this state that forgives him and wants others to forgive him too. Else they're the nasty ones.

Long story short, fuck that. It's twisted. Forgiveness is not necessarily the virtuous thing to do.
 
T

ThatGirl

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I think that goes without saying. There are all kinds of ways to settle something besides groveling. That's a bit dramatic actually. Heh

But I just have a problem with forgiving the undeserving, and having platitudes shoved down my throat about the issue.

Sometimes forgiveness causes more harm than good. I could use a friend's story now (I'll try to spare everyone my own and seem more objective for now). His brother sexually molested him when he was young. Needless to say, he's grown up with a chip on his shoulder. He never did anything about it for various reasons. Fast forward 20 or so years, and this brother now has a daughter who's come out and reported her dad for the same abuses. It's getting serious now. And the sad thing is, it's torn the family apart. My friend is on the daughter's side, and has opened up more about his own experience, but his mom has cut off communication with both him and her granddaughter. She's sticking with her abusive son's side. She probably knows it's wrong, but she's in this state that forgives him and wants others to forgive him too. Else they're the nasty ones.

Long story short, fuck that. It's twisted. Forgiveness is not necessarily the virtuous thing to do.

I'd call that denial mixed with responsibility. Not forgiveness.
 
T

ThatGirl

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You're pissed off because it is allowed to continue. Fair enough. I don't think you need to stay away from these threads, maybe understand them better.

There is no tricking the mind to make it feel or think something it doesn't. It is incomplete, and will always revert back to its origin.
 

entropie

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Hmm. Maybe.

Either way, I'm pissed off thinking about it now. I need to stay away from these threads.

You're pissed off because it is allowed to continue. Fair enough. I don't think you need to stay away from these threads, maybe understand them better.

There is no tricking the mind to make it feel or think something it doesn't. It is incomplete, and will always revert back to its origin.

I forgive both of you ! Ego te absolvo. if some money clinks in the money bag, your soul will jump to heaven !
 

ceecee

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To me the ability to forgive comes from their understanding of the error. To be honest, I don't need people to show remorse, grovel, or admit they were wrong, or even provide an apology. If I see that you successfully understand, and are willing to make the necessary adjustments to avoid the same situation in the future, I am more than willing to forgive, because the issue no longer pertains.

You'd go on their word alone? If they are aware of it and making adjustments yet don't apologize....that's ok? I can't even wrap my head around that.
 
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