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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edahn
    You don't say YOU MUST CHANGE OR ELSE, and you don't just say EVERYTHING OKAY THE WAY IT IS. You say something like: well, where you are now is nothing to be be embarrassed about, but I believe in your ability to care for yourself and grow.
    I agree with this but I think there also has to be a conscious movement, an intention to seek and explore in growth and a way to evaluate self during this growth. Evaluation and judgement are neutral terms but modern people try to put an automatic negative connotation on them. I don't have to be embarassed to admit I want to grow. In fact this has been the best way for me to quiet my own negative inner critic, I say yes, you have a point there, I could develop this area more and so I will work towards it in the most positive and healthy ways I can find. At least this is the mindset I am working towards. I certainly don't favor the just let life happen and float, because I pretty much did that in the past and I did not experience the person growth that I have since I have actively sought out growth and growth experiences.

  2. #32
    Senior Member matmos's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    why do you think so many people get offended? because their image is merely a composite of unoriginal fragments perpetuated by the opinions of others. as soon as something disrupts this, they become vulnerable because they do not have their own, legitimate reasons for doing what they do.

    Most people don't get around to the idea that it's better to be disliked for who you are than liked, even loved, for something your not.

  3. #33
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    how authentic someone is isn't as important as the desire to be authentic. as you say, nobody can be entirely original, but it seems only a small few care to even try... or at the very least, represent themselves well.
    *scratches head* It's back to the idea of "it seems"... isn't the desire to be authentic like any other trait? Normally distributed across the population... You say wanting to be authentic is desirable... yet the distribution isn't skewed towards being authentic. Why is that? Does this not beg the question as to why more people don't do that?

    So what are the disadvantages of being authentic? Why might copy cat beliefs be beneficial?

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    This is a question I struggle with constantly. I believe that the drive for self-improvement must be soft and caring. A good analogy is helping a friend get over some problem. You don't say YOU MUST CHANGE OR ELSE, and you don't just say EVERYTHING OKAY THE WAY IT IS. You say something like: well, where you are now is nothing to be be embarrassed about, but I believe in your ability to care for yourself and grow.
    *nods* A strange puzzle... reconciling self-acceptance with self-improvement. I guess the key lies in seeing that "change" is a part of who we are as well. That who we are isn't static. Therefore change can be authentic so long as the drive for change is self-initiated and not due to external pressure. Thank you!

    I know when my mind has finally stopped searching and is resting. I suddenly feel in touch with my environment. It happened last week and I was listening to the sounds of traffic play with my ears. It was beautiful and soothing.
    Off topic on my part... but I agree with that. It's a great experience going on a random walk outside with nothing on your mind but just to observe everything that's going on around you. Very relaxing.

  4. #34
    Senior Member wedekit's Avatar
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    In my class, Conflicting Views in Psychology, we went through a couple of studies that explores self-enhancing bias (i.e., unrealistically positive self-evaluations) . One study found that people who self-enhance tend to experience more happiness and more success. In contrast, another study found that student with a self-enhancing bias in relation to their academic performance are experiencing only short-term satisfaction:

    "Both studies showed that self-enhancement bias was related to narcissism, ego involvement, self-serving attributions, and positive affect. Study 2 found that self-enhancement was associated with decreasing levels of self-esteem and well-being as well as with increasing disengagement from the academic context. Self-enhancement did not predict higher academic performance or higher graduate rates. Thus, the findings suggest that self-enhancing beliefs may be adaptive in the short term but not in the long term."
    Source:
    Robins, R. Positive illusions about the self: Short-term benefits and long-term costs. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Vol 80(2). 2001. p. 340-352.

    My teacher posed a good point by using her brother-in-law as an example. He is a doctor, and is actually considered a damn good one. He doesn't hesitate to brag about and promote himself and sees himself as someone everyone is dying hire. However, he can rarely hold a job for more than 3 months. My teacher argued that he is so self-absorbed in his inaccurate illusions that he fails to see "what an arrogant asshole he is".

    The same situation could be be applied to someone who is an alcoholic. If they have a self-enhancing bias they would probably not believe they had a problem. That would decrease their chances of seeking some sort of treatment before they inflict harm on themselves or others.

    I agree with many of the posters when I say that people with these inaccurate illusions are lacking in the self-examination department. I believe we all naturally start out with some kind of preconceived perception of ourselves, but it is important to call this into question. However, overdoing it is probably one of my greatest faults. Though I could probably confidently share with you that I am a good person, I always have this fear in the back of my mind that I am not and haven't come across the evidence to prove it yet. However, to me it is more important to call things into question than to assume anything.
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  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit
    Though I could probably confidently share with you that I am a good person, I always have this fear in the back of my mind that I am not and haven't come across the evidence to prove it yet. However, to me it is more important to call things into question than to assume anything.
    My husband (INFJ) also worries about this good or bad person thing. I tend to not think in terms of good or bad person, but I will obsess over single actions of mine and how I could done better or prevented a bad outcome. I tend to see people as chosing good or bad actions rather than good or bad as a whole.

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