High self-esteem

[Giggly]

sometimes I see people with really high self-esteem and they amaze me. Like their self-esteem is so high that they actually seek out people and situations that they think could take them down a peg or two. Seriously, this is attractive and stimulating to them.

It's also so weird and different from me that I find it intriguing when it's genuine. Like I see how that can potentially keep you from sulking and getting down on yourself too.

I don't know. I don't fully know what to make of it yet.

 

[Halla74]

sometimes I see people with really high self-esteem and they amaze me. Like their self-esteem is so high that they actually seek out people and situations that they think could take them down a peg or two. Seriously, this is attractive and stimulating to them.

Hmmmm. Are you witnessing high self-esteem, or hypomania?
Or a person with high self-esteem experiencing an episode of hypomania?
I have no shortage of self-esteem, but I am not a trouble seeking fool either.
When challenges present themselves, I rise to the occasion, but I do not seek them for the sake of potentially meeting my match.

I do know that I have a very high sense of what is right and what is wrong, and that when I feel I am in the right, I will not back down, I will stay my course, hell or high water. But in the same breath, I can tell you that while doing so, I will be seeking not only victory, but a the path to it that has the least amount of potential to harm me, because I have no idea what other trials will present themselves at any moment, so I conserve my energy as such.

Have I ever been in situations where I have literally had to commit to a beating the odds and had to pick one path early on, say "Fuck it, here we go, it's all or nothing!" and had to pull the trigger? Yes. Did I win? Yes, but not without scars. The more bold one must be, the greater the odds are that some damage will be incurred in their course. But, I would take none of it back, as when I have been challenged as such, the stakes were high enough for me to risk incurring some damage, rather than forfeit my own integrity. One thing is for certain, I like to sleep well at night, so if conflict rears its head, I'm game. I'd rather take a beating than not live up to my own standards, personally or professionally.

It's also so weird and different from me that I find it intriguing when it's genuine. Like I see how that can potentially keep you from sulking and getting down on yourself too.

Interesting!
Sulking and being down on myself are as intolerable as boredom and hunger to me.
Seriously, all are just completely against my nature.
I think having a seriously righteous Father who embraced conflict and fought for what he thought was right his whole life before my eyes influenced me as such.

I don't know. I don't fully know what to make of it yet.

Neither do I, I'll let you know when I figure it out, for now it's just how I am programmed, LOL!



-Alex

 

[cen98]

What sort of situations are you talking about? I like being around people that will challenge me (not rudely or harshly), but add to my personal growth and knowledge. Being taken down a peg or two helps you grow because you see your weaknesses and places you need to improve in and learn in general. It's definitely a process (sometimes painful) and I don't like being around people that expect change overnight, but I like helpful criticism along with support. I think it's good to get out of your comfort zone and understand more about the world as long as you don't make stupid decisions and like Halla said, lose your integrity. That's difficult because it can happen without you realizing it if you get too focused on trying new things and new people, but you learn from it and move on. I don't think anyone has ever accomplished anything by remaining in the same place and doing nothing.

 

[Giggly]

I'm not criticizing people who do this. Just stating an observation of something that is foreign to me.

 

[kyuuei]

I had a post written and the computer's crappy internet connection decided to delete it.

Anyways. Basically what I said was that I think I'm a person with high self esteem.. It always seems so foreign to me when people don't have a comfortable, stable sense of self. It's priority number 1 to me at all times.. As I feel without a sound sense of positive energy about myself, I can't expect to be strong enough to have energy for anything else positive.

I'm not one to go actively seeking people trying to tear me down though.. It gives me no pleasure to have people try to take me down a notch. At the same time, I don't shy away from any situation or person that I sense may be attempting something like this. I'll meet any challenge head on.

 

[Giggly]

I think I meant self-love, rather than self-esteem. They are closely related but self-love is like when you think you're the best.. self-esteem is when you have self-respect.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

I think what impresses me most are the people who can stand to be taken down a peg AND seem to have some inherent grasp of when they shouldn’t let it happen. In other words, they aren’t at all afraid of those kinds of situations because they somehow have a good handle on when the other person has crossed some line and wants to take them down a peg for the wrong reasons (vs. the other person having a good point). There are a lot of people who seem to have confidence and aren’t reluctant to enter conflict- but they do it with an imperviousness which almost defeats the purpose: they let insults roll of their back without incident, but any/all insightful feedback rolls off their back as well. They simply dismiss everything which they don’t want to hear. It may look like self-esteem at first, but underneath the surface there’s just as much insecurity as someone who avoids conflict in the first place.

I’m actually pretty wary of the latter. People tend to attribute intentions to others’ behaviors according to their own intentions- and so people who can easily write off any insult/negative feedback as some kind of pwning attempt/power struggle are likely to be the kind of people who feel entitled to impose their version of reality on others when they feel threatened (instead of stopping to consider what is true and what isn’t- they simply get in a power struggle to be the one who gets to assert ‘what it true’). I mean, if I’ve observed someone for a while and noticed they do this with people- chances are I’ll write off anything they have to say about me (or others) pretty quickly. Because if they tend to interpret all negative feedback as some kind of power-play, they’ll likely react by throwing any insult they can think of in turn when you try to call them on something.

On the other hand- people who can walk right into conflict AND maintain the ability to consider things they don’t want to hear with aplomb…..there’s no end to how much that impresses me. I think IxFJs are probably the most avoidant about conflict, especially with people we aren’t familiar with, just because our ability to interact fluidly with our external environment isn’t as adept as those rascally ExTPs- who seem to be born with an inherent knack for it. So I think it impresses me so much because- even when IxFJs have done the work of looking honestly at themselves, have a pretty good self-esteem and can handle constructive criticism- we still often struggle with immediate conflict being thrown our way. I can recognize immediately sometimes when someone is simply trying to take me down a notch for the wrong reasons, yet still be unable to react quickly to it- I just duck away, annoyed that someone was trying to involve me in their own issues. And if it really takes me off guard, I might have to spend time afterwards considering reactions I *wish* I’d had ready-at-hand, before I can shake it off. But then in doing that, I’m sort of writing a script, so that I might have more appropriate reactions ready-at-hand in preparation for the next time it happens. I envy ExTPs for not needing to do that, for being able to improvise.

 

[Thalassa]

I think I meant self-love, rather than self-esteem. They are closely related but self-love is like when you think you're the best.. self-esteem is when you have self-respect.

Self-esteem is healthy self-respect. Thinking that you're the best is narcissism or conceit. It's more self-congratulation than self-esteem.

I think the people with the healthiest self-esteem are usually humble enough to admit that they have flaws and don't feel any need to tear down others to make themselves feel better.

I aspire to have better self-esteem, myself, but I absolutely despise people who are conceited.

 

[Mole]

C'mon, the State of California has a Commission for Self Esteem.

However Self Esteem is what others think of you, while self respect is what you think of yourself.

So Self Esteem is a form of social control, while self respect gives us our dignity.

 

[Thalassa]

C'mon, the State of California has a Commission for Self Esteem.

However Self Esteem is what others think of you, while self respect is what you think of yourself.

So Self Esteem is a form of social control, while self respect gives us our dignity.

Yeah my self-respect is inside me and comes from proving to myself I can be brave or overcome things, which is what I like about Keirsey.

I feel confident when I can adapt? Yes.

Self-esteem at artistry? Yes. I want other people to see me as a good writer, otherwise what's the point?

Good point, Victor, good point. It's Impact or nothing.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

I'm learning it... I don't know if I'll ever be in the league with those who you've mentioned, but dammit finding the center ground will be enough if I could keep it.

 

[Giggly]

C'mon, the State of California has a Commission for Self Esteem.

However Self Esteem is what others think of you, while self respect is what you think of yourself.

So Self Esteem is a form of social control, while self respect gives us our dignity.

It can be used as an avenue of social control, but I don't think caring about what others think of you is a social construct.

 

[Viridian]

Yeah my self-respect is inside me and comes from proving to myself I can be brave or overcome things, which is what I like about Keirsey.

What do you mean by that?

 

[wolfy]

Isn't self esteem related to your self ideal and self concept? You have a self ideal (your ideal self) and a self concept (how you see yourself) and self esteem is related to how well you achieve or achieving your ideal. So a low self ideal could result in an inflated self esteem. Or an unrealistic high self ideal could result in low self esteem.

The whole idea of self esteem seems pretty useless in comparison to self ideal and self concept as markers of where you are.

 

[Thalassa]

What do you mean by that?

I like Keirsey's matrices of things like motives for Self-Esteem and Self-Respect for the temperaments.

 

[highlander]

I like Keirsey's matrices of things like motives for Self-Esteem and Self-Respect for the temperaments.

I agree. Those are really good.

 

[KDude]

There's probably a good middle road.. I admire someone's attitude like that as well, but it can be overdone in some. Oblivious and annoying even. Think of the character Pepe LePeu. You can't say he's admirable. =D

 

[Viridian]

I like Keirsey's matrices of things like motives for Self-Esteem and Self-Respect for the temperaments.

I seem to recall those... Do you have a link?

 

[Mole]

Our Inner World

It can be used as an avenue of social control, but I don't think caring about what others think of you is a social construct.

Yes, I care what others think of me. I care about what people think of me just as I walk down the street. I even care what cats and dogs think of me, not to mention what you think of me.

On the other hand, I enjoy my inner self. And I am learning to enjoy my inner self in the world. However many must focus on the outer world, for work or study or recreation. And when I try to share my inner world with them, I find I am a nuisance.

In fact I would say, for those focused on success in the outer world, at best I am seen as in the way.

So it seems to be successful in the outer world, most of us need to suppress, deny and mutilate our inner self.

In a literate, authoritarian world, with our central nervous system on the inside, the hatred of the inner self is price for admission.

But the electronic world places our central nervous system on the outside, for everyone to feel. And the price of admission to the electronic world is loving and sharing our inner life.

 

[Thalassa]

I seem to recall those... Do you have a link?

They're in Please Understand Me II, in their entirety, in each temperament section.

Some are posted on places like Personality Cafe, though in shortened version (doesn't include syntax, et al). I can PM you with a link.