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  1. #1
    Starcrossed Seafarer Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Default Becoming quickly attached to (certain) people

    I'm an INFJ and most of the time, I find it really difficult to open up to new people on a personal level. Sometimes it takes me literally years. But every now and then, I meet someone I just "click" with... and by "click" I mean I immediately feel comfortable interacting with them on a personal level.

    When I meet people like this, it affects me deeply, and what might be a superficial connection for them is very profound for me. I also tend to want to stay in touch with them, and once or twice have creepily found them and friended them on Facebook because I just can't stand to lose that connection (if it's not someone I'd see frequently again, which usually it isn't because, well... the only people I see often are my family, coworkers, and already-close friends).

    Does anyone else experience this? If not, but you found yourself on the receiving end of this strange, premature, possibly one-sided profound attachment, how would you react?
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

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  2. #2
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    I have a lot of one way 'creepy' relationships with people. I imagine I'd probably weird a lot of people out if they knew the way I thought of them. I don't formalize it with FB, though, I'm usually content to have felt a connection. So, it stands to reason getting this from somebody else wouldn't bother me at all.

  3. #3
    Peaced Quay's Avatar
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    lol yes. Not to trivialize what you talking about but I read this and guffawed because I do the same thing. I have frightened people off because of it. It's why I post randomly too because a lot of times I have to make myself not contact people I feel connected to.

    Recently I had to go to the ER and have a small procedure done, and I was so distraught, the doctor put both hands on the side of my face and looked me deeply in the eyes and said, "Honey, you are going to be okay." I keep thinking about the color of his eyes and the intensity of the gaze between us, and it is taking everything in my power to not go into full research/sly contact mode. Odd thing is it is not hardly anything sexual about this. I am very weird about extreme connections I make with someone..like the inception of some magnetic pole or something. I don't know how else to describe it.

    If not, but you found yourself on the receiving end of this strange, premature, possibly one-sided profound attachment, how would you react?
    It wouldn't (and doesn't) bother me. Not sure why it doesn't. Maybe because I consider myself harmless when I do it, and I (maybe naively) expect the same from another.

  4. #4
    Klingon Warrior Princess Patches's Avatar
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    I've had this happen to me once or twice. I, like you, take a VERY long time to open up to people - if I ever do at all. In the occasions where this has happened, I've gotten very clingy. I really, really HATE clingy people. I do my best to restrain myself so that I don't appear clingy to the person. I usually fail.
    “Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside
    them they've all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.” -Neil Gaiman

    ~

  5. #5
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    Yes, and it's awesome when they reciprocate, because those relationships tend to be some of the most important of my life.

    When they don't, it's embarrassing.

    I think it's also why I'm not freaked out by much when it comes to people.

  6. #6
    Senior Member jimrckhnd's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Yes, and it's awesome when they reciprocate, because those relationships tend to be some of the most important of my life.

    .
    It doesn't happen often to me but when it does... I have to look out. The connection is very intense, it happens fast and it’s emotionally overwhelming – pretty close to irresistible. And I never know when or with whom it will happen. I met somebody about six months ago with whom I had an instantaneous connection with and after hanging out for about three hours was actually kind of dazed afterwards. Fortunately the other person felt the same thing: at this point we can often look at each other and know what the other is thinking and perhaps even more oddly be thinking the same or very similar things simultaneously. Aside from finishing each other’s sentences we can often communicate instantly and nonverbally on a reasonably sophisticated level. It was a bit uncanny at first but I really enjoy the relationship a great deal.

    This has happened to me oh, four or five times in the past. Interestingly enough with only one male – the rest have been female. Of course the sample size is pretty small so it’s difficult to draw conclusions. But as you say –these are some of the most important relationships in my life and I treasure them.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimrckhnd View Post
    It doesn't happen often to me but when it does... I have to look out. The connection is very intense, it happens fast and it’s emotionally overwhelming – pretty close to irresistible. And I never know when or with whom it will happen. I met somebody about six months ago with whom I had an instantaneous connection with and after hanging out for about three hours was actually kind of dazed afterwards. Fortunately the other person felt the same thing: at this point we can often look at each other and know what the other is thinking and perhaps even more oddly be thinking the same or very similar things simultaneously. Aside from finishing each other’s sentences we can often communicate instantly and nonverbally on a reasonably sophisticated level. It was a bit uncanny at first but I really enjoy the relationship a great deal.

    This has happened to me oh, four or five times in the past. Interestingly enough with only one male – the rest have been female. Of course the sample size is pretty small so it’s difficult to draw conclusions. But as you say –these are some of the most important relationships in my life and I treasure them.
    I had that kind of instant connection with my two best friends from high school, and I'm still very close with one, and lost closeness with the second one because our relationship evolved into kind of a girlfriend/girlfriend relationship, which messed things up...we're friends again now, but I've consistently remained much closer to the one who is like a sister to me. Of course I had more short term intensity with the other woman, but like I said, we stopped speaking for almost ten years and just recently started being friendly again and we were SUPER SUPER CLOSE for several years in our late teens, like the closest I think I'd ever been to anyone at that age.

    It happened pretty quickly with my ESFJ ex, and I bonded pretty intensely with the ISTJ guy I talk to a lot now in a fairly expedient manner.

    There have been other guys I felt that way about, but in those cases sometimes it turned out to be one-sided, and that is embarrassing, to mistake someone's enthusiasm in the beginning for something deeper or more lasting.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    Yes, i do find it hard to open up and develop friendships but as you said, when you have that 'click' then it can be pretty intense. I don't start stalking but i do ensure i reply to emails, lol.

    If i were on the receiving end i may slightly freak out as i value my 'Sas time' pretty much all the time.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  9. #9
    Senior Member Survive & Stay Free's Avatar
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    This is something which resonates with me, I have experienced it from others too and dont mind it but usually act in a way which causes people to "ease up" if I feel they have to and make it clear, without it being in anyway injurious to the relationship or embarrassing to the person involved, that they've not engaged in sort of affronting social faux pas or anything. That's important because occasionally I have come on too strongly with people I feel an especial bond with, even admitting to crushes on them, once or twice this has been in person and we've gone on to be friends, I really appreciated that they didnt freak out and that they even made it clear enough to me that this was the case.

    My T and J functions are strongest but I have that out going E too, especially when I'm in really good moods, so I tend to do this, even with people I dont feel that strength of a bond or attraction to (attraction in more than simply the physical attraction or animal magnetism way you understand), where I'll try to hop, skip and jump the relationship to the familiarity of someone whose known someone years. Sometimes that creeps people out, other people find it mesmerising, there's been comment on how I can accidentially or unintentionally "chat up" other people and the attendent problems with that. I dont mean to do that (ironically if I did it would not work). On one occasion at least I had someone respond with "I think I'm falling in love with you" which was surprising, at the time I felt nothing special for them, then I did, which was shit because by then they didnt feel anything special anymore, disappointly we're not even good friends, but that's life too.

    Life is not a rehearsal, friendship is more important than treasure, at least when you've taken care of yourself to a reasonable comfort and perhaps even before that.

  10. #10
    morose bourgeoisie
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    It's a meeting of the amygdala.

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