Becoming quickly attached to (certain) people

[EJCC]

Totally, and it always freaks me out because I don't know how to go from my usual state of detachment to actively pursuant. It feels out of control. If it's mutual, all is fab. If not, it just feels weird, and then I start inwardly freaking and thinking, "Probably everyone is attached to this individual because of their ability to make everyone feel special, and they are just humoring me."

!!!!!!!

+1

 

[Aquarelle]

Actually, I realized that I don't like to lose touch with anyone I've made a deep connection with. This includes these weird, quick attachments, but also ones that took time but became deep. Like past loves or friends who I've grown apart from. I like to still keep in contact with them, unless there was some horrid ending to our relationship (a couple of exes). I'm FB friends with most of my exes, and a few former best friends that I'm not close with anymore but still care about. Facebook is great for that, because I can keep in touch very informally with those sorts of people by commenting on photos, etc, and it's much less awkward than a random phone call or emil!

 

[Neutralpov]

Ahh, sometimes I freak out like that too! But usually in my experience, we don't really become friends, or at least not close friends. More like friendly acquaintances, and that is usually fine with me. I don't need to feel the deep, intense connection constantly. I just don't want to lose touch with them. It's weird.

But I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who gets these weird attachments... maybe I'm not as creepy as I thought, hehe.

The above. Currently a tiny bit disappointed with meeting a serious mindmate this summer. Never noticed them much before this year or just met one that was stronger than any I have encountered. Seems like the NT one was stronger than the nf " mutual understanding". I get down knowing it might be onesided but you can't know if you don't step out, but the stepping out to make things more than friendly acquaintances would not be fun again (and I am an EnfJ). Seems like this is one area I am not able to rely on my charm or social skills. Kinda vulnerable area go figure. This mindmate f**ed me up for about a month. Never had that before and now I am just back at square one in the world. odd feeling

 

[King sns]

Yeah I've had this happen. Freaks me out a little bit. I'm usually one to try to push away. If it happens on the other end, but not to me, I don't usually get rid of them, but may be a little frightened by them.

 

[King sns]

Totally, and it always freaks me out because I don't know how to go from my usual state of detachment to actively pursuant. It feels out of control. If it's mutual, all is fab. If not, it just feels weird, and then I start inwardly freaking and thinking, "Probably everyone is attached to this individual because of their ability to make everyone feel special, and they are just humoring me."

I get a lot of people in the other direction. Must be a mannerism thing or something. Type O personality, hahahaha. (Like universal blood donors.. universal personalities... get it?) My two closest friends, (they are sisters) always joked that I must have "I'm your friend" written on my forehead. I get a lot of estranged and downtrodden, a lot of mainstream, (more accurately, my age, race and gender folks)- but also different ages, different races, different educational levels, different economic status, different people in general seeming to come to me like magnets.

 

[Tallulah]

I get a lot of people in the other direction. Must be a mannerism thing or something. Type O personality, hahahaha. (Like universal blood donors.. universal personalities... get it?) My two closest friends, (they are sisters) always joked that I must have "I'm your friend" written on my forehead. I get a lot of estranged and downtrodden, a lot of mainstream, (more accurately, my age, race and gender folks)- but also different ages, different races, different educational levels, different economic status, different people in general seeming to come to me like magnets.

I get it a fair amount from students, because I'm pretty open with them. I'm more reserved in daily life, and more cautious of where I spend my energy.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Totally, and it always freaks me out because I don't know how to go from my usual state of detachment to actively pursuant. It feels out of control. If it's mutual, all is fab. If not, it just feels weird, and then I start inwardly freaking and thinking, "Probably everyone is attached to this individual because of their ability to make everyone feel special, and they are just humoring me."

I have a similar reaction, except I never concern myself with becoming a pursuant. I think I simply adopt a more open demeanor with them. I take a laissez-faire approach & let them come to me, often admiring from a distance if they never do. I do feel disturbed internally; it bothers me to know I am so "aware" of this person, but that they may not be aware of me. If I don't see a mutual interest, though, then it cools my feeling toward them quite quickly, as I have the same thought that they simply connect easily to everyone. I guess this is why my quick, intense attachments are usually reciprocated; I only really attach when I know it will be mutual.

 

[xisnotx]

There are some people who I think understand me, or people like me, better than others. I'm not really a big fan of talking too much unless it's "productive" in some way. Some people are willing to let me hang around for a lot longer than others without me ever really opening up to them. These people aren't too rare (or perhaps I've just gotten better at spotting them) but they are far from common.

I've only experienced this 2 times with girls..once when I was 8ish in a laundry mat..and once with a girl at school. The last time it happened I literally ran away when I came "to my senses"...then I realized what I was doing...but I might have lost the chance to ever make it up to her...people bring out the worst in me sometimes..

 

[Nomenclature]

Happens to me all the time. ALL. THE TIME. When I really like someone, I want to talk to him (I have no female friends...) all day, every day. Nothing to do with being in love, more like the novelty of, "OOOH, a new person with all these buttons to push." We probably move into the "too comfortable" stage within four days lmfao. Not even.

Maybe I'm the one who makes others feel special without being aware of it. Who knows? But there's a huge difference between just talking to someone and "can we get married already?" It is kind of superficial when I move quickly from person to person, yeah. I'm working on it.

 

[Kasper]

Don't get this, but am suitably freaked out when someone does with me. STALKERS!

 

[Nomenclature]

Don't get this, but am suitably freaked out when someone does with me. STALKERS!

Reminds me of an SP/SO on another forum:

My reaction to each stack:
sx/so- BACK UP and give me some freaken space, stalker! o-O
sx/sp- Back off, oh thanks, hey I said back off, kay thanks, OI BACK OFF, THANKS! O-o

To go with the rest of the discussion, though, [MENTION=5627]BlackCat[/MENTION] sums it up pretty neatly:

sx/so: This one really varies with their base type. It can go either way. I enjoy the intense interactions, but they can try to get too close too quickly, blurt out overly personal things, suddenly put a spotlight on people in social interactions, and just be a bit overwhelming. The lack of sp seems to make their sx limitless. They tend to say things that just come off as too personal to me sometimes. Which is great when they're my friend; but if they do it to everyone then how is it even all that personal anymore? One that that weirds me out over sx/sos is they have a LOT of people that they regularly interact with it seems and have bonded with. Makes me not feel special. I'm very selective of people, of who I let in.

 

[wolfy]

I don't actually know what it means to open up on a personal level. Is that sharing fears and whatever? I used to be really intrigued by people that annoyed me, I still have that a bit... is that somewhat relevant? Some people do really intrigue me for a while.

Friends... I feel kind of bloated. Is that too personal? I've been drinking, is that relevant?

 

[entropie]

I don't actually know what it means to open up on a personal level. Is that sharing fears and whatever? I used to be really intrigued by people that annoyed me, I still have that a bit... is that somewhat relevant? Some people do really intrigue me for a while.

Friends... I feel kind of bloated. Is that too personal? I've been drinking, is that relevant?

Yes !

 

[uncommonentity]

I don't think there's a single person that could say they've never felt an instant connection with someone. Although I feel instant connections can be misleading and you can give someone far too much credit for just sharing some momentary morals or life views. People are far more complex than they portray at the beginning of anything so I always make sure that no matter how closely drawn to someone I feel I keep things realistic.

 

[Unkindloving]

Connections I most commonly feel with other ENFxs. I think I say that myself and ENFPs 'vibe' off of each other, whereas myself and ENFJs 'mindmeld' with one another. I currently have an insane amount of respect and cling with two ENFPS and one ENFJ.

It is as though they immediately gain a form of respect and love from me if we can connect unlike that of normal friendships. It's very powerful and consuming, and I end up feeling far closer to them than I may actually be at that present moment, but am inclined to attempt to get as close as I feel we are/can be because there is some underlying sense of it being worth it.

My ENFJ has expressed a mutual sentiment, but he is difficult to get much face-time with these days. There is just an obvious connection, and I'm still attempting to figure out if he is not as open to it yet, or is simply busy distracting himself with a lot of other social interaction. However, I think there is always that underlying sentiment that we both know the other will still be there, so it's understood.

 

[NPcomplete]

I don't get those very often but when I do, it's great! We often become good friends and stay in touch. I always worry about appearing too clingy to them or annoying them though. However, since they don't seem annoyed when we talk, I'm guessing that they are not bothered by it/me.

I think I've been on the receiving end once or twice. It can be frustrating at times but I get used to it. And I get to make people happy.

 

[iris.moon]

It happens quite often (the 1st day of elementary, middle and high school and almost everytime I catch the bus). Sometimes I don't see the person again ('cause I don't know his/her surname and I can't find him/her on facebook). But those special people often become my friends, even if it's for a short time. The worst thing is I care a lot about them without a logical reason while they see me as the "new friend to be not-so-close with".