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Thread: Abuse

  1. #1
    Junior Member Shade's Avatar
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    Default Abuse

    I'm starting this thread to find out people's thoughts, if they have any, on what effect abuse (specifically, I suppose, child abuse, simply because childhood is the formulative time in which a person's personality is formed) has on forming a person's identity and whether anyone here thinks that it could mask a person's true personality. And if so, do y'all think that a person's 'true' personality would make itself known at some point? Or is it something where a traumatizing event actually shapes the person and their personality is actually irrevocably changed by the trauma?
    As in, can an extrovert become introverted instead because they feel that they can't trust people as a result of abuse? Or, can a feeling personality type test as thinking because a person is rejecting the presence of emotion in their life because they haven't yet learned to cope with their own? Of course, this doesn't just apply to MBTI, but I used it as an example to show you more specifically what I meant. I would appreciate any feedback!

  2. #2
    Senior Member Simi's Avatar
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    Certainly, in my opinion.

    Those kinds of things can permanently damage a person, changing their personality.
    Sometimes you can't undo the damage that a scarring event has caused.
    Your epidermis is showing. <3

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    The Historical Perspective of Personality

    It's important to see child rearing practices in historical terms.

    So first we had the sacrificial form of child rearing where surviving siblings would know another sibling had been sacrificed or abandoned. And of course this would cause intense fear for their own safety. But the fear was so intense, to survive they had to repess it out of consciousness. So this unconscious fear coloured their personality. And as a result they formed a paranoid personality.

    A good example of the sacrificial form of child rearing was God's order to Abraham to sacrifice his son. Child sacrifice was a normal part of early culture and the paranoid personality was normal in early culture.

    However as society progressed so our child rearing progressed from the sacrificial form to the abusive form of child rearing. So rather than being sacrificed or abandoned, the child was kept and seen to be at fault and so was abused for being at fault. And so the child formed the guilty personality in need of salvation,

    A good example of the abusive form of chlld rearing is the doctrine that all children are born in Original Sin and so are guilty simply by being born, but can be forgiven by washing in the blood of Jesus.

    And as society progressed further we moved from the abusive form of child rearing to the authoritarian form of child rearing. The child was not abandoned or abused, rather the child was seen in need of discipline. And so all children were compelled by law to go to school to learn to read and write. As a result the authoritarian and literate personality was formed. This was a great advance on the sacrificial and the abusive forms of child rearing.

    And as literate society become prosperous and electronic, the authoritarian form of child rearing was replaced by the helping form of child rearing, where the parents helped the child achieve their life goals. As a result the empathic and creative personality is formed.

    And if we haven't been loved unconditionally by our parents, we get a second bite at the cherry by attending therapy with the aim of becoming empathic and creative.

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    Senior Member knight's Avatar
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    the authoritarian rearing that victor mentioned

    might created submissive passive aggressive adults. if you were an extrovert, yea I think definitely you can change to an introvert overtime. the path of least resistance for a child to adult would be keeping out of the way and making sure everything is taken care of and tip top shape. especially with the father was an abusive nit picking guy looking for an excuse to fly off the handle. I can see the pattern.

    with the changing from feeling to thinking. the is plausible as well. I can see how things progressed to the point that the only alternative would be to just move forward and not deal with it, at least until you moved out of the situation. there will though come a time when you will find yourself reflecting and those sad memories will emerge.

    so many ways things can go, yes personality does change. depending on where you started from, the journey to becoming who you are might take a while or be short, there after you would move to the other parts of your development
    9w?

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    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    It depends how the abused person is helped/guided afterwards through therapy. People that have been abused can bounce back and become stronger even and better equipped, but it's very unlikely they can achieve that by themselves. People that have been abused tend to close parts off within themselves, they'll have to learn to open them up again first.
    ~Self-depricating Megalomaniacal Superwolf

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    This is a strange question because in my personal experience I was treated very well during my formative years (birth-around six) when the personality is really forming. I was given the confidence and security I needed by my grandfather and real maternal grandmother. However, after my grandmother's death I think I actually experienced a fragility as a child I otherwise would not have had, and to complicate matters further my grandfather remarried an ESTJ woman (who is unwell and eventually had to seek psychiatric help, it's not just because she's ESTJ) who, about a year into that marriage, started to show a very disturbing nature which became increasingly worse. I wasn't exposed to this until I was about 8, thank god, but I think it made me very defensive and probably inspired my Pe/Te loops (ExFP, trying to decide ENFP or ESFP).

    I have re-calibrated back to my original personality as an adult. I leaned more toward "J"...even some traits of TJ...because of her heinous overbearing, pushy nature, constantly criticizing me and telling me what I was, was not good enough. Fortunately though, all of my physical needs were entirely met (I had more physical security than some children in terms of stability and even excess material things) and my grandfather sometimes defended me...but it really screwed me up, seriously.

    I've gotten better as I've aged. The longer I'm away from her, the more therapy I've had, the more balanced I am, I've even found a way of looking at it where I'm grateful to her that she helped me to develop my Te and outer strength (even while increasing my inner neurosis).

    I just want to say here, as a side note, that what I've learned is that *most* abusive people don't MEAN to be abusive. That is my experience. They don't realize how much they hurt other people. A lot of times they have personality disorders or other issues themselves.

    Some do, of course, some people are just fucking sadistic. But I'm fortunate that was not my experience, so I got off just being severely neurotic (and diagnosed with disorders) instead of being full flaming hopelessly psychotic.

    I don't know what happens to those people. I think if abuse is bad enough, if its severe enough (and I've seen people hindered by this sort of thing, like sexual abuse and/or being drugged by parental figures, or severe physical beatings) it can be very difficult to recover them from it as adults.

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    Quote Originally Posted by knight View Post
    might created submissive passive aggressive adults.
    I think this might be more common maybe in IxFPs, INxPs, and maybe ISFJs.

    As an ExFP, it made me more dominant and aggressive.

    My ESFJ ex, likewise, was made more dominant and aggressive to the point of becoming an abuser himself.

    So I think base personality determines if you become submissive, dominant, or become an abuser yourself.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    It depends how the abused person is helped/guided afterwards through therapy. People that have been abused can bounce back and become stronger even and better equipped, but it's very unlikely they can achieve that by themselves. People that have been abused tend to close parts off within themselves, they'll have to learn to open them up again first.
    Yeah, THIS.

  9. #9
    Senior Member knight's Avatar
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    it can be overcome, no doubt. just takes time and willingness to meet some of those challenges with thearpy.
    9w?

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    Junior Member Shade's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    I think this might be more common maybe in IxFPs, INxPs, and maybe ISFJs.

    As an ExFP, it made me more dominant and aggressive.

    My ESFJ ex, likewise, was made more dominant and aggressive to the point of becoming an abuser himself.


    So I think base personality determines if you become submissive, dominant, or become an abuser yourself.
    So then you think that a person's base personality determines still what their reaction to the abuse is, instead of outrightly masking it? For instance, I know that I responded to my abuser and those that I considered to be aiding and abetting the abuse passively-agressively- I never told them off to their faces, but I lied like a rug until I was hopelessly caught, and even sometimes then. Was this because of a deep base-personality response, or is it playing personality disorder roulette- there's no rhyme or reason to where that ball lands? However, I would just like to throw out there, since everyone else seems to be supporting the idea that a person needs to go into professional counseling in order to overcome these obstacles, that I really feel 'over' the whole situation. Is this an illusion in my mind, or is it possible that I really have overcome these things in my mind?

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