Confidence

[ThatGirl]

My psych professor once told the class that there didn't exist any truly confident people. He waited for the class to disagree, then asked them how they they could prove they were absolutely confident....Trickster!

 

[Thalassa]

It's the confidence trick that is most important, for the confidence trick gives birth to the con man. And we all want to be conned. We all want to be sold. How we love a salesman. Why, our greatest theatrical tragedy is called, "Death of a Salesman", and the author even got to marry Marilyn Munroe!

I've been listening to two hours of astrology on talkback radio and it is two hours of a supurb confidence trick. They love it. They keep ringing back. They can't get enough of it.

How we love confidence. We love it so much we even love ersatz confidence - the kind of confidence you have when you are not having any confidence. The kind of confidence you get with MBTI.

Your ability to turn any discussion into a rant about the evils of MBTI is really a talent, Victor.

 

[rav3n]

Your ability to turn any discussion into a rant about the evils of MBTI is really a talent, Victor.

Okay, this made me laugh!

"The other day, I walked. FISH. Then I turned around. FISH. Then I sat down. FISH."

Kind of like MBTI tourettes!

 

[Jaguar]

How we love confidence. We love it so much we even love ersatz confidence - the kind of confidence you have when you are not having any confidence. The kind of confidence you get with MBTI.

Go get the evil-doers, Vic.

 

[Mole]

The Usual Suspects

Go get the evil-doers, Vic.

Evil always operates under the mask of good. So we have confidence and ersatz confidence, we have the authentic and the phoney and the phoney always imitates the authentic. In fact mimicry is a sign of evil. I mean, what do you think, do you think evil goes round with a big sign saying, I am evil? 'Course not.

Keyser Soze (aka the devil) tells us to our faces, "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to persuade us he doesn't exist".

And with Keyser Soze on the loose, I devote my time to rounding up the usual suspects.

 

[Mole]

Salt

Your ability to turn any discussion into a rant about the evils of MBTI is really a talent, Victor.

It's a discipline. It's not for everyone. It's not for those who want to be loved, and not for those who want to love. It is an ascetic discipline. It is a palate cleansing discipline. It takes one to the high reaches of integrity, where the air is fine, clean and pure.

Such a discipline is the salt of Earth and reminds me of Mathew 5:13, "Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost its savor, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing".

 

[Thalassa]

It's a discipline. It' not for everyone. It's not for those who want to be loved, and not for those who want to love. It is an ascetic discipline. It is a palate cleansing discipline. It takes one to the high reaches of integrity, where the air is fine, clean and pure.

Such a discipline is the salt of Earth and reminds me of Mathew 5:13, "Ye are the salt of the earth: but if the salt have lost its savor, wherewith shall it be salted? it is thenceforth good for nothing".

Yes, you certainly breathe rarefied air, Vic. You and Jim have such great ideas for what everyone on this forum should be doing, you should get together.

Except I'd almost feel sorry for you, because you're so earnest and sincere, and he'd probably use you as a human shield.

 

[Fluffywolf]

With just confidence, you got nothing!

"OH MY GOD! I'm freaking out! He is going to fall! Someone throw him a rope and tie it around something!"
"Oh, oh, oh! I know how to tie a knot! I shall confidently throw him a rope and tie it to this tree here!"
*ties rope around the tree and throws rope to almost falling person*
"There, now use the rope to climb down!"
*On a slow descent, suddenly the knot unravels! Oh no!*

"I am so confident! Look at me driving at 200 miles per hour through these sharp corners, nothing can happen to me! Woohoo! Oops... "

It's all about being balanced I guess.

 

[Odyne]

Confidence is not arrogance
Confidence is not aggression
Confidence is not bad-boy attitude
Confidence is certainly not asshole attitude

Confidence is simply an inert feeling of consistency and reassurance in one's abilities and personal characteristics.
Any exagerated form of it is not it.

I like confidence in myself and others. I don't like any of the look-alike attitudes mentioned in the list above.

 

[Domino]

Keyser Soze (aka the devil) tells us to our faces, "The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to persuade us he doesn't exist".

And with Keyser Soze on the loose, I devote my time to rounding up the usual suspects.

Points for that classic movie reference. *nods*


Confidence is a Norwegian rally driver hauling butt through snow over a slippery iced up road on a bet to see if he can beat a bobsled team 2K down the hill in less than a minute. I would give that man anything. ANYTHING!

 

[Mole]

The Domino Theory

Points for that classic movie reference. *nods*

Confidence is a Norwegian rally driver hauling butt through snow over a slippery iced up road on a bet to see if he can beat a bobsled team 2K down the hill in less than a minute. I would give that man anything. ANYTHING!

The Domino Theory tells us that if the first Domino falls, all fall. So keep your head, Domino, watch for the movie references, and be careful with Norwegian rally drivers.

 

[Domino]

The Domino Theory tells us that if the first Domino falls, all fall. So keep your head, Domino, watch for the movie references, and be careful with Norwegian rally drivers.

lol! So noted, kind sir!! *bows low*

 

[swordpath]

But I'm not always good at telling if someone is truly confident and secure in themselves, or if it is a mask for insecurity.

Perception is reality.

 

[SilkRoad]

Perception is reality.

To a certain extent. But like FIdelia said, I wish I'd known more about some of the points on her list a few years ago. While learning experiences are good (if you learn from them), people who are masking insecurity with confidence can actually be pretty destructive if you don't see where they are going with the facade.

I've known a few different people who all came across quite differently but yet they all had the majority of those characteristics on Fidelia's list...and in retrospect, except for the learning experience value, I wish I had kept a greater emotional distance from them because they proved to be very insecure and when dealing with people like that who mask it with apparent confidence, you can end up questioning your own reality and wondering if you're the one with all the problems. Not so much fun.

 

[Fidelia]

Yes! Plus, you end up getting more invested than you should in someone who is unable to put your best interests first, even when they mean to. The relationship ends up becoming rather unequal in power balance/vs investment and responsibility.

 

[Giggly]

Confidence is nice. I do like it. But what really touches me is bravery, especially when it's shown through actions in the face of difficult circumstances. That I can not deny or resist.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Confidence is nice. I do like it. But what really touches me is bravery, especially when it's shown through actions in the face of difficult circumstances. That I can not deny or resist.

I suppose that is what constitues confidence in my playbook. Confidence should lead to bravery.

 

[Giggly]

I suppose that is what constitues confidence in my playbook. Confidence should lead to bravery.

After reading the below post, yes I agree with you.

I don't really know what else to say. I suppose it's kind of like the amount of confidence that person has reaches a point where all their actions exude it and they no longer have to talk about their actions, but simply do them. I think insecurity is directly related to speech. When the person in question is flaunting their skills they aren't only trying to convince others of their abilities, but themselves.

 

[Lily flower]

I think that to be confident, you have to be a little bit clueless about the social world. The really confident people I know tend to assume that everyone loves them, and that is why they don't feel insecure. Even if someone says something that indicates that the don't like them, the confident people tend to bounce it off themselves and put it on the other person (what is Bob's problem today that he would say something like that?)

The people who are really insecure probably do the opposite - they assume everyone in the world dislikes them, even when the evidence says otherwise.

 

[Xenon]

I think that to be confident, you have to be a little bit clueless about the social world. The really confident people I know tend to assume that everyone loves them, and that is why they don't feel insecure. Even if someone says something that indicates that the don't like them, the confident people tend to bounce it off themselves and put it on the other person (what is Bob's problem today that he would say something like that?)

The people who are really insecure probably do the opposite - they assume everyone in the world dislikes them, even when the evidence says otherwise.

That kind of "cluelessness" can help, but I think/hope it isn't the only way to be socially confident. That reminds me of the book 'Learned Optimism': the author described insurance salesmen who had to make a lot of cold calls, and so needed to be able to bounce back from a lot of rejection and irritated people. They found the best predictor of how people would do in these jobs was thought patterns like these (negative reactions mean someone's just "having a bad day" or they must have called at the wrong time, etc). Apparently, thinking realistically wasn't enough: the people who lasted had significantly skewed thought patterns in their everyday lives as well as their work. They'd usually attribute negative events to something temporary that had nothing to do with them, and positive events to some permanent character strength they had. People with more balanced and realistic thinking couldn't handle the job nearly as well, and people with thinking that was skewed in the opposite direction fared even worse.

I don't believe that sort of delusion is necessary though, just to be reasonably confident in yourself, to be able to take risks and bounce back from setbacks and have good relationships and a satisfying life. I think it is possible to be okay with people not liking you, not because you delude yourself into thinking there's something wrong with everyone who doesn't , but because you just accept that no one is universally liked, some people just don't click, and just because you meet the occasional person who dislikes you doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.