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Thread: Confidence

  1. #31
    & Badger, Ratty and Toad Mole's Avatar
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    Smile The Domino Theory

    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    Points for that classic movie reference. *nods*

    Confidence is a Norwegian rally driver hauling butt through snow over a slippery iced up road on a bet to see if he can beat a bobsled team 2K down the hill in less than a minute. I would give that man anything. ANYTHING!
    The Domino Theory tells us that if the first Domino falls, all fall. So keep your head, Domino, watch for the movie references, and be careful with Norwegian rally drivers.

  2. #32
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Victor View Post
    The Domino Theory tells us that if the first Domino falls, all fall. So keep your head, Domino, watch for the movie references, and be careful with Norwegian rally drivers.
    lol! So noted, kind sir!! O.o *bows low*
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  3. #33
    Senior Member swordpath's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    But I'm not always good at telling if someone is truly confident and secure in themselves, or if it is a mask for insecurity.
    Perception is reality.

  4. #34
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ignite View Post
    Perception is reality.
    To a certain extent. But like FIdelia said, I wish I'd known more about some of the points on her list a few years ago. While learning experiences are good (if you learn from them), people who are masking insecurity with confidence can actually be pretty destructive if you don't see where they are going with the facade.

    I've known a few different people who all came across quite differently but yet they all had the majority of those characteristics on Fidelia's list...and in retrospect, except for the learning experience value, I wish I had kept a greater emotional distance from them because they proved to be very insecure and when dealing with people like that who mask it with apparent confidence, you can end up questioning your own reality and wondering if you're the one with all the problems. Not so much fun.
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  5. #35
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Yes! Plus, you end up getting more invested than you should in someone who is unable to put your best interests first, even when they mean to. The relationship ends up becoming rather unequal in power balance/vs investment and responsibility.

  6. #36
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Confidence is nice. I do like it. But what really touches me is bravery, especially when it's shown through actions in the face of difficult circumstances. That I can not deny or resist.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Confidence is nice. I do like it. But what really touches me is bravery, especially when it's shown through actions in the face of difficult circumstances. That I can not deny or resist.
    I suppose that is what constitues confidence in my playbook. Confidence should lead to bravery.

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecTcelfeR View Post
    I suppose that is what constitues confidence in my playbook. Confidence should lead to bravery.
    After reading the below post, yes I agree with you.

    Quote Originally Posted by ReflecTcelfeR View Post
    I don't really know what else to say. I suppose it's kind of like the amount of confidence that person has reaches a point where all their actions exude it and they no longer have to talk about their actions, but simply do them. I think insecurity is directly related to speech. When the person in question is flaunting their skills they aren't only trying to convince others of their abilities, but themselves.

  9. #39
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    I think that to be confident, you have to be a little bit clueless about the social world. The really confident people I know tend to assume that everyone loves them, and that is why they don't feel insecure. Even if someone says something that indicates that the don't like them, the confident people tend to bounce it off themselves and put it on the other person (what is Bob's problem today that he would say something like that?)

    The people who are really insecure probably do the opposite - they assume everyone in the world dislikes them, even when the evidence says otherwise.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I think that to be confident, you have to be a little bit clueless about the social world. The really confident people I know tend to assume that everyone loves them, and that is why they don't feel insecure. Even if someone says something that indicates that the don't like them, the confident people tend to bounce it off themselves and put it on the other person (what is Bob's problem today that he would say something like that?)

    The people who are really insecure probably do the opposite - they assume everyone in the world dislikes them, even when the evidence says otherwise.
    That kind of "cluelessness" can help, but I think/hope it isn't the only way to be socially confident. That reminds me of the book 'Learned Optimism': the author described insurance salesmen who had to make a lot of cold calls, and so needed to be able to bounce back from a lot of rejection and irritated people. They found the best predictor of how people would do in these jobs was thought patterns like these (negative reactions mean someone's just "having a bad day" or they must have called at the wrong time, etc). Apparently, thinking realistically wasn't enough: the people who lasted had significantly skewed thought patterns in their everyday lives as well as their work. They'd usually attribute negative events to something temporary that had nothing to do with them, and positive events to some permanent character strength they had. People with more balanced and realistic thinking couldn't handle the job nearly as well, and people with thinking that was skewed in the opposite direction fared even worse.

    I don't believe that sort of delusion is necessary though, just to be reasonably confident in yourself, to be able to take risks and bounce back from setbacks and have good relationships and a satisfying life. I think it is possible to be okay with people not liking you, not because you delude yourself into thinking there's something wrong with everyone who doesn't , but because you just accept that no one is universally liked, some people just don't click, and just because you meet the occasional person who dislikes you doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.

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