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Thread: social anxiety

  1. #11
    Senior Member Beargryllz's Avatar
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    Get really drunk so I can talk to people, then cry the next day

  2. #12
    ThatGirl
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    I am a prep person. I will find myself completely turning off or checking out if I don't have a back up plan, escape route, or default setting (pre reherased answers to topics I am willing to discuss). For some reason, just knowing I can bail any second I want to causes me to think, "alright I can handle five more minutes," and knowing there is an end right around the corner makes me relax a little. I end up participating longer and more comfortably than I thought I would.

  3. #13
    Senior Member Lily flower's Avatar
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    I have turned from a complete social introvert with major social anxiety into a very outgoing person. Although I am an INFJ, I have been told that I remind people of an ENFP, so it is quite a change.

    Anyway, these are the 3 things that made the biggest difference:

    1) I read a ton of books on body language, social skills and confidence. Having this info. really helped me to feel more confident in my social interactions.
    2) I practiced. Whenever I have the opportunity to be with people I don't know in a new group, I tell myself that it is practice time and I pretend I'm an extrovert and chat people up. I always thought people would be able to see right through me, but instead they see me as friendly and respond well to me.
    3) I force myself not to overanalyze every social interaction that I have. I read in a book once that shy people will start out with a postive social memory, and then they will think about it and everything they said, etc. until they have turned the memory into a negative one. Overanalyzing conversations is a really bad trait to have. It just kills your self confidence.

  4. #14
    RETIRED CzeCze's Avatar
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    ^^ I think that's great and sound advice.

    I would say if nothing else, practice and don't be hard on yourself.

    The reason social anxiety perpetuates is the person who has it has crazy inaccurate perception and grossly negative self image. People in the grips of social anxiety, even after they muster up the courage to go out in public, will heap piles of shame and criticism on themselves about how much they FAILED - no matter how the actual interaction went. And while they are out in public they will be constantly telling themselves like, "you suck, you're so awkward, no body wants you here, etc." These are all destructive thought patterns and that's what causes the anxiety, not any kind of actual social interaction or behavior.

    No one is as bad as they think they are. NO ONE.

    Be forgiving of yourself, and if you feel awkward or uncomfortable, get over it. Almost everyone gets awkward once in a while. And everyone is someone else's 'weirdo'. Those terms "awkward, weird, etc." are practically meaningless. It's a secret that once you figure out will make life much easier for you.

    So get rid of the negative thoughts and make gradual steps to get out there and the rest will fall into place.

    “If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

    "I'm outtie 5000" ― Romulux

    Johari/Nohari

  5. #15
    Senior Member VagrantFarce's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nebbykoo View Post
    Get some exercise.
    Right here.

    TBH the faster I get things done, the better and more capable / confident I feel. The less I get things done, the worse and less capable / confident I feel. It's just about getting up, getting out there and being fucking awesome instead of constantly worrying about it. You have to convince yourself that you're worth the effort, and EVERYONE is worth the effort.
    Hello

  6. #16
    Insert Snarky Quip Here Stigmata's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by knight View Post
    how do you deal with it?
    It's a process of gradually extending yourself further and further out of the comfort bubble you've created for yourself, but at such a pace as to not overwhelm yourself. Once you realize that the fears conjured in your mind were the most negative part of the experience, and in actuality things weren't so bad, it gradually gets better. Not that I actually follow any of my own advice in that area, I just recognize what it would take to fix it.

  7. #17
    Senior Member Mal12345's Avatar
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    To start with, the worst social anxiety incident I ever had was a couple decades ago in college. All I had to do was introduce myself to the class on the first day, the same as everybody else there. But the sweat was literally pouring off me and pooling up before my turn came. No it wasn't hot in the room.

    Eventually I became more socially active, and voila, a lot less social anxiety. I still prefer hanging out with small groups over being in large crowds. I was asked to karaoke at a party and they made me stand there singing for at least two hours. I was really nervous about it at first but I just jumped in, like diving into cold water in order to get used to the feeling. Pretty soon I warmed up to the idea.

    Some posters above mentioned exercise, and yes anything that raises your testosterone levels helps boost self-confidence and ambition. As long as you don't overdo the exercise, as this will have the counter-effect of lowering testosterone levels. The 45 minute work-out mentioned is about right.
    "Everyone has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Mike Tyson
    “Culture?” says Paul McCartney. “This isn't culture. It's just a good laugh.”

  8. #18
    Senior Member uncommonentity's Avatar
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    Realize that nobody really gives a shit about strangers such as me and get on with what I want to get on with.
    Veni, Vidi, Cessi.

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    I have turned from a complete social introvert with major social anxiety into a very outgoing person. Although I am an INFJ, I have been told that I remind people of an ENFP, so it is quite a change.

    Anyway, these are the 3 things that made the biggest difference:

    1) I read a ton of books on body language, social skills and confidence. Having this info. really helped me to feel more confident in my social interactions.
    2) I practiced. Whenever I have the opportunity to be with people I don't know in a new group, I tell myself that it is practice time and I pretend I'm an extrovert and chat people up. I always thought people would be able to see right through me, but instead they see me as friendly and respond well to me.
    3) I force myself not to overanalyze every social interaction that I have. I read in a book once that shy people will start out with a postive social memory, and then they will think about it and everything they said, etc. until they have turned the memory into a negative one. Overanalyzing conversations is a really bad trait to have. It just kills your self confidence.
    Been working on #2 a lot and love it.

    I have a tendency of running through lots of conversation scenarios. I like to tread over potential topics of discussion and prepare some outs. But I've learned that these very very rarely get brought up and I end up treating as Lily's #2 suggests. It does however, give me the confidence to approach the situation.

  10. #20
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
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    Put the focus of the conversation on the other person.
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

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