Homeschooling: yes or no?

[Anonymous]

This is one of the things that bugs me most in this debate. Homeschooling != being sheltered from your peers.

But like I said earlier, it can and does happen, and that's the thing. I'd be fine with homeschooling if this were something which were government regulated (making sure that kids aren't being sheltered from peers), but unless new laws have been made since I was homeschooled, it's not even checked on. I know this isn't the case with you or your homeschooling community, and maybe it's in the minority of cases, but the fact remains that it can happen incredibly easily.

 

[Ivy]

But like I said earlier, it can and does happen, and that's the thing. I'd be fine with homeschooling if this were something which were government regulated (making sure that kids aren't being sheltered from peers), but unless new laws have been made since I was homeschooled, it's not even checked on. I know this isn't the case with you or your homeschooling community, and maybe it's in the minority of cases, but the fact remains that it can happen incredibly easily.

I'm not in favor of more government oversight because the government isn't exactly doing a bang-up job of operating the schools that are under its direct control.

Yes, it happens. Probably a lot. But kids also fall through the cracks in public schools, which can happen incredibly easily, too. No method of educating children is perfectly applied across all cases.

 

[Tigerlily]

What about this school?

 

[Ivy]

OH, my God. I read about that yesterday on Fark. WTF!

My daughter's in 3rd grade. I can't even imagine.

 

[GZA]

Don't kids have the right to be isolated from their peers if they or their parents chose?

But I do kind of have a semi-serious semi-point... we can't make people do soemthing with their education or... with anything just because we think its a better idea. Unless they are actually hurting someone, it's their business if they want to isolate their kids from their peers, not ours. Its really, really stupid, but it's their call.

All the homeschooled kids I know are still regularly socialized through church groups, neighborhood kids, sports teams, jobs, ect, anyway.

 

[Wolf]

So, we've got three homeschooled people in this thread (plus one other I know that hasn't posted in this thread), and people that are homeschooling their children... Interesting. I'm extremely surprised by the numbers I'm seeing, because I didn't think it was quite this common.

 

[Ivy]

I wanted to add something to my last post but it seemed too late to edit.

I said that no method of education is perfectly applied across all cases. And I want to further remark that this is why parents have to consider the needs of their specific child when they make educational decisions. THAT is what I am most grateful to my parents for- they responded to me and my needs, fitting my education to me rather than trying to fit me to a prescribed mode of education. My mother wasn't a "Homeschool or bust" parent- I was in public, private, and homeschool at different times depending on what was available and what I needed.

The same is true of my siblings. My older brother is the only one who went all the way through public school, and HE dropped out at 16 and got a GED with my parents' blessing. He ended up joining the Navy, then getting some technical certifications, and he's now a very successful IT manager. My younger sister was homeschooled until 5th grade, then private school until 8th, and she wanted to go to public high school. She graduated 2nd in her class and went on to college, and now she has a job she loves at a technical training firm. My younger brother was in homeschool until he decided to try public school in 8th grade. He ended up staying in public and graduating, but he wasn't ready to go to college then. So now he is working and saving money to go to college. My youngest sister was homeschooled until she went to a charter school for 3rd grade, but it only went to 3rd so she was homeschooled again for 4th and 5th I think. Then she went to another charter for middle school and she's in public high school now. She is a VERY talented pianist and my parents are looking into a special art school for her last two years of high school, but it has strict rules about who can be a day student and they don't want her living at the boarding school.

 

[Tigerlily]

I decided to home school our son for the time being because his nerves simply couldn't handle being in a classroom full of kids for 7 hours. He was wrecked each day he came home with a note in his folder saying he had a bad day practically every day. I just couldn't take it anymore and seeing him so unhappy was very depressing for me. I started taking anti depressant in hopes that it would all magically get better and go away but it didn't. I knew I need a new plan.

I am no longer taking antidepressants, I also gave up caffeine and I am working with our son in hopes of helping him have a bright, happy future. Seeing all of my children happy makes me very happy so I'll do whatever I can to ensure that.

 

[Grayscale]

What about this school?

im going to go out on a limb here and say this is the sort of thing children should be exposed to. perhaps not to such an extent, regardless, the controlled confines of home and family are not a good example of the wide variety of things and people that children will run into in the outside world, making the confines of home and family an inadequate venue of preparation for adulthood. i feel it is the responsibility of parents to prepare their children for the "real world", and, in that regard, schooling outside of the home is a far more immersive example of reality. whether i can personally oversee little billy doing his math homework comes secondary to this parental objective.

there is simply no intention of homeschooling that isn't "sheltering" in some way because the point of it is to remedy something.

 

[prplchknz]

I wish my mom had done that or at least done something beyond "Oh I'm sorry" when I cried every night after school when asked about my day at school from about 1st-3rd grade I finally switched schools in 5th, though I did manage to make friends in 4th grade . Maybe this is why I hate school and people and don't tell anyone most of my problems.

(I don't hate my mom, I just think she could have realized that saying "I'm sorry" was not doing any good.And listen to her daughter which she still hasn't learned how to or only hears what she wants. Just thinking about those 3 years is enough to think twice about calling my mom and talking to her as I would probably just yell at her then I'd feel guilty about that)

 

[Ivy]

im going to go out on a limb here and say this is the sort of thing children should be exposed to. perhaps not to such an extent, regardless, the controlled confines of home and family are not a good example of the wide variety of things and people that children will run into in the outside world, making it an inadequate venue of preparation for adulthood. i feel it is the responsibility of parents to prepare their children for the "real world", and, in that regard, schooling outside of the home is a far more immersive example of reality. whether i can personally oversee little billy doing his math homework comes secondary to this, in my opinion.

of course proponents of homeschooling are going to disagree with this, most of them either were homeschooled or homeschool their children. what i am saying, though, is that there is simply no intention of homeschooling that isn't "sheltering" in some way.

I'm thinking judicious sheltering from some things is an integral part of parenting. It's a matter of navigating the territory in between extremes, allowing them to experience reality but also protecting them from reality that can permanently alter their future opportunities.

As an adult, I can shelter myself by choosing not to associate with people I can't stand or situations I find untenable. I am super, super thankful that my parents gave me the opportunity to have some practice at making those sorts of choices as I matured. THAT is "real life" and IMO I experienced more of it than most people.

 

[Tigerlily]

I also want to make it very clear that all of our children are socialized. I mean come on, with me as their mother how could they not be?

Each morning we go to the gym where there are excellent programs for both my son and three year old daughter. When we aren't there our kids are always playing out front with the other children in our neighborhood. We purposely moved to where we lived because of the family atmosphere. Family day at the Y is coming up, field trips, swimming, park, etc. Tons to do!

I will say this. Had I been asked 11 years ago if I'd be married with three kids I'd have said absolutely not! I'd also scoff at the mere mention of homeschooling never mind the mention of getting married or having kids. If you're not in the boat then don't try paddling cuz ya can't! haha, I made that up myself. ;P

 

[Grayscale]

I'm thinking judicious sheltering from some things is an integral part of parenting. It's a matter of navigating the territory in between extremes, allowing them to experience reality but also protecting them from reality that can permanently alter their future opportunities.

As an adult, I can shelter myself by choosing not to associate with people I can't stand or situations I find untenable. I am super, super thankful that my parents gave me the opportunity to have some practice at making those sorts of choices as I matured. THAT is "real life" and IMO I experienced more of it than most people.

i guess the question becomes, then, whether any aspect of public schooling is going to permanently alter children for the worse.

obviously, we shouldnt throw children in the ocean just to teach them to swim, but anything we can teach them to handle without permanently damaging them will be beneficial in the long run. id rather my kids get through as many of life's hardships while under my care as possible, because i cant be there their entire life. a difficult thing to do as a parent, i understand, to allow temporary hardship (im sure it doesnt make them more popular, either!) for the greater good.

moreover, its not that i disagree with the concept of homeschooling, just how ive seen it done and how unadjusted the homeschooled children that ive met are. the issue is more universal to me, it's this topic of over-nurturing children. although i would guess it is entirely possible for parents to home-school their children and not do this, if homeschooling is a symptom of over-nurturing, it's unlikely.

 

[nightning]

You do not need to be homeschooled to get a case of being over-nurtured. Although I do suppose that children homeschooled might have a tendency to be over-protected. I think it's just about exposure... as long as the parents are aware that their kids might have difficulty adjusting to "life afterwards" be it secondary schooling or what have you... and actually give them the opportunity to practice working with others. Not just socializing... but actually working with people they don't know well. I don't see why homeschooling cannot be done.

 

[Grayscale]

You do not need to be homeschooled to get a case of being over-nurtured.

a very good point...

are the benefits that the focused education that home-schooling offers greater than the exposure offered by public schooling? does private schooling fit between the two? how so?

this is where i think opinions may lay... im inclined to favor the added exposure, others may not be. the reasoning behind my opinion is that what could be learned outside of classical subjects is more useful towards general living... the classical subjects themselves seem to be aimed at standardized testing and continued education, which are important as well.

i can certainly see the flip side here, it's a tough call.

 

[Ivy]

a very good point...

are the benefits that the focused education that home-schooling offers greater than the exposure offered by public schooling? does private schooling fit between the two? how so?

this is where i think opinions may lay... im inclined to favor the added exposure, others may not be. the reasoning behind my opinion is that what could be learned outside of classical subjects is more useful towards general living... the classical subjects themselves seem to be aimed at standardized testing and continued education, which are important as well.

i can certainly see the flip side here, it's a tough call.

My problem with your argument is that you're treating them as three monolithic options. PUBLIC, PRIVATE, HOMESCHOOL. Well, there are some awesome public schools, and some terrible ones. Some are great for some kids but not others. There are some really bad homeschoolers and some really awesome ones, as well as some kids who wouldn't thrive in homeschool even with the best most well-prepared parents ever. Sometimes a kid would thrive in homeschool but the parent isn't suited to it. And private school- well, there are good ones and bad ones, just like public. Even if it's a fantastic private school, sometimes the expense puts a burden on the family that negates the benefit offered by the school.

So, to me, you really can't say "Homeschooling is bad" OR "Public schools are failing" and be right about any given homeschooling family or public school. Especially now that there is more choice given to families about where kids can go- we chose a charter school which is SO much more in line with my philosophy of education than any of our district's public options, and yet it's still a free public school. When my daughter starts middle school, my son will be entering Kindergarten we'll have two more decisions to make. If we can't make the choices available to us fit our life for both kids, it's very possible that I would homeschool one of them and send the other to an outside school (probably a charter).

 

[Tigerlily]

Good post nighting. We're pretty honest with our children. I don't want them growing up and leaving the nest only to be overly surprised at how the world really operates.

I wasn't home schooled, but my ISFJ Mother was so overprotected that when I eventually did get out from under her grip I had a rude awakening. I believe the person you grow up to be has a lot to do with your parents and your upbringing.

 

[Grayscale]

My problem with your argument is that you're treating them as three monolithic options. PUBLIC, PRIVATE, HOMESCHOOL. Well, there are some awesome public schools, and some terrible ones. Some are great for some kids but not others. There are some really bad homeschoolers and some really awesome ones, as well as some kids who wouldn't thrive in homeschool even with the best most well-prepared parents ever. Sometimes a kid would thrive in homeschool but the parent isn't suited to it. And private school- well, there are good ones and bad ones, just like public. Even if it's a fantastic private school, sometimes the expense puts a burden on the family that negates the benefit offered by the school.

So, to me, you really can't say "Homeschooling is bad" OR "Public schools are failing" and be right about any given homeschooling family or public school. Especially now that there is more choice given to families about where kids can go- we chose a charter school which is SO much more in line with my philosophy of education than any of our district's public options, and yet it's still a free public school. When my daughter starts middle school, my son will be entering Kindergarten we'll have two more decisions to make. If we can't make the choices available to us fit our life for both kids, it's very possible that I would homeschool one of them and send the other to an outside school (probably a charter).

of course, which is why i am not speaking in terms of "good" and "bad", but in terms of aspects intrinsic to each approach by definition. it is a generalization, but necessary to discuss something that, ultimately, "depends", as you are putting it.

which brings up something else i consider to be good parenting: making the best decision based on the situation instead of taking a general approach regardless of.

border school, another option to consider...

 

[Ivy]

Fair enough except that some of the things you're attributing to homeschool as "intrinsic by definition," aren't.

 

[nightning]

Ehhhh I have a question on a tangent... has anybody gone through the boarding school experience ever liked it or thought it was worthwhile? I have only "stereotypes" to go by here... but I really couldn't see any children fitting well to that.

Anyways back on topic, but you have to discuss the generalized case here... otherwise this conversation goes nowhere. Because all you can say is homeschooling tends to be associated with these pros and cons... and you're comparing them to the pros and cons for public schooling... something like a sliding scale.

homeschooling ------- montessori -------- traditional private schooling --------public system

Actually it's not even a linear system... more like a slide scale for multiple aspects. Some students do better with a more traditional way of learning, other do better with the freer montessori self paced learning. Then you need to throw in safety vs practice dealing with the world "out there". Is it possible to generalize?