User Tag List

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 29

Thread: people who compartmentalize relationships and their life

  1. #11
    No moss growing on me Array Giggly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    MBTI
    iSFj
    Enneagram
    2 sx/so
    Posts
    9,652
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    It's complicated. Eventually a long-term couple should integrate their lives with their relationship, imo, but I understand if a short-term couple doesn't do this. You might know right from the start that the person you are seeing is not a long-term potential so what would be the point of integrating? It could also take a while to figure out if someone is trustworthy and not a psycho.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Array chickpea's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sx/sp
    Posts
    3,720
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    i might do this a little bit. whenever my ex would come over to my house and start talking to my mom i'd get really uncomfortable and try to rush him out. and didn't enjoy hanging out with him and my friends together that much for some reason. but he was the complete opposite, i had to meet like his entire social group and he tried to get me to meet his parents on our 2nd date.
    aries sun, sagittarius moon, libra rising
    aries mercury, taurus venus, cancer mars

    4-7-9


  3. #13
    ........ Array andante's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    MBTI
    xntj
    Posts
    7,181
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    It's complicated. Eventually a long-term couple should integrate their lives with their relationship, imo, but I understand if a short-term couple doesn't do this. You might know right from the start that the person you are seeing is not a long-term potential so what would be the point of integrating? It could also take a while to figure out if someone is trustworthy and not a psycho.
    Same here. Long-termers get incorporated, short-termers, casuals and uncertains, are kept apart.

  4. #14
    Kaiser Array Mad Hatter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    -1w sp/sx
    Socionics
    IOU Ni
    Posts
    934
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    If you're past the getting-to-know-each-other stage, then yeah, it is kinda weird if you keep them absolutely and strictly seperate. After all, your social surroundings are part of what makes you the person you are. Shutting somebody completely out of that is like dating only part of a person. After you've been together for a while though, I think it's at least nice to let your S.O. know some facts about your family, your job, or whatever it is that is important in your life. Doesn't mean you have to present your soul on a silver platter.

    On the other hand, those attached-at-the-hip kinda couples that share every waking and sleeping moment together completely weird me out. I honestly couldn't function if I'd be surrounded by people all the time and would go mad in a matter of days.
    IN SERIO FATVITAS.

    "Sometimes I wish I had a pill to make people disappear."

    INTP 5w4
    The blog to end all blogs

  5. #15
    violaine
    Guest

    Default

    I compartmentalize. It's a habit I've gotten into because I live far away from my family. I prefer it until it's impossible to maintain the wall. It's an intensely romantic time to me. It's like my BF and I are living in our own bubble. I need privacy to really bond with someone, it won't happen if other people are around.

    I think I'm at an extreme when it comes to this. I like a serious type of intimacy. I never date casually. Typically, when a relationship is new, I just want to spend all of my free time with my BF alone. I usually date other introverts and there is something about that dynamic that means we are enough for each other for a long time.

    It's more romantic and serene when things are kept quiet and private. That could be because there is drama associated with getting to know parts of my family, due to our different beliefs. (I tell all BFs about that right from the start though). But it's something deeper than that... I strongly prefer privacy. I don't want to share "us" with anyone too soon because then somehow the intensity is diluted.

    Contrast that with the way a friend of my Mother's arranges her relationship. She is in a marriage of financial convenience. She ensures she is never alone with her husband outside of sleeping next to each other. It's a barrier she's constructed to deeper intimacy. I don't like any barriers.

  6. #16
    i love Array skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,626
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    i understand holding off for a while. i'm very cautious. but if the relationship is serious... then it's odd to me.

    Quote Originally Posted by violaine
    I need privacy to really bond with someone, it won't happen if other people are around.

    [...] I like a serious type of intimacy. I never date casually.
    me too.

  7. #17
    Paragon Gone Wrong Array OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp Ni
    Posts
    6,527
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I do this to a point. When it's someone I am dating, I wait until it's serious until I introduce them to family & other friends. Only my last two bfs have met my family. Prior to that, I wouldn't even tell family I was seeing someone, and rarely would tell my friends. My girlfriends & I are not the kind to talk relationships much. I love the "no pressure" aspect this gives....

    When it comes to friends, I tend to have individual friendships. I am not part of a group, really. I don't feel the need for my friends to be friends with each other or to all hang out together. Some people do like that; my sister usually ends up introducing her friends to one another because she likes one cohesive group to interact with. They often end up meeting some of my family also; my parents' know her friends' names more than they know mine. I've always kept friends somewhat separate from family also. I almost think it keeps the relationship more special to me.

    When it comes to work, I try and keep it separate from everything. I don't like to be close to people I work with. I have no desire to be friends & hang out together outside of work, and I'm very quiet about my life around coworkers, keeping details on a need-to-know-basis.
    "Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind." - Proust,
    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx - 451| RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive

  8. #18
    Alchemist of life Array Coriolis's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/sx
    Posts
    7,807
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    I do this to some extent, partly for privacy, partly for manageability and focus. At work, it is no one's business what I do on the outside, and I like to concentrate on work, without social or family distractions. Outside of work, most people wouldn't understand what I do all day anyway, so why get into it? Different groups I participate in have different interests, which don't intersect very well. Family are aware on some level of all my involvements, but don't need or want the details.

    "You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant." ~~ Harlan Ellison

  9. #19
    Senior Member Array ceecee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    MBTI
    INTJ
    Posts
    4,209
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EffEmDoubleyou View Post
    I don't understand how people DON'T do this. Different strokes, I guess.
    I don't understand how they don't either. Work relationships stay work relationships, short term dating stays between the people dating, I don't share this place with other people...etc. I couldn't function if I didn't compartmentalize.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  10. #20
    Emerging Array Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    MBTI
    INTP
    Posts
    6,048
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ICUP View Post
    I keep friends apart if I don't think they will get along. Sometimes I don't want one friend to know I hang out with people that have the characteristics, attitude, interests, morals, or beliefs of the other. It's a privacy matter. I think that sometimes one friend wouldn't understand my needs, or accept my actions, and I don't want to lose the friendship. There are some uptight people out there lol.....
    Also,

    Yes....this is actually it, sortof.
    I have two friends I grew up with who are Christians, enjoy going to church, have toddlers, marriages, homes, etc. They know I am not a Christian, but I don't tell them all the details of my past, and they don't want to know them. I also have friends who aren't married, like to go to concerts, drink like fish, and engage in frequent one-night stands. I don't think either set of friends would "get-on" with the other set, but I like both sets of friends and choose to have them. They belong to different circles, and neither would be interested in knowing the other. So it's more about what they want than what I want when I choose to compartmentalize and leave out the details.

    Also, sometimes, I simply don't bother to introduce buddies to other buddies. The relationships don't become close enough to bother (for ex/, if I only see someone one night a week, in dance class).
    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    I do this to a point. When it's someone I am dating, I wait until it's serious until I introduce them to family & other friends. Only my last two bfs have met my family. Prior to that, I wouldn't even tell family I was seeing someone, and rarely would tell my friends. My girlfriends & I are not the kind to talk relationships much. I love the "no pressure" aspect this gives....

    When it comes to friends, I tend to have individual friendships. I am not part of a group, really. I don't feel the need for my friends to be friends with each other or to all hang out together. Some people do like that; my sister usually ends up introducing her friends to one another because she likes one cohesive group to interact with. They often end up meeting some of my family also; my parents' know her friends' names more than they know mine. I've always kept friends somewhat separate from family also. I almost think it keeps the relationship more special to me.

    When it comes to work, I try and keep it separate from everything. I don't like to be close to people I work with. I have no desire to be friends & hang out together outside of work, and I'm very quiet about my life around coworkers, keeping details on a need-to-know-basis.
    All of this. And I feel like different parts of my personality come out around different types of people. I express myself differently with different friends, and it's not a matter of hiding--it's just the chemistry of our specific relationship.

    Then there is the matter of people being perfectly delightful on their own but being either too conservative or too liberal to understand the behavior of someone on the opposite end of the spectrum. I've always been somewhere in the middle, having been raised in a small, Southern town, but having spent most of my life in academia and the arts. I relate to both points of view at times, or at least can see how they arrived there, but some of my friends don't have that ability. So I keep them separated.

    I don't introduce anyone I'm dating to my family (or really, even mention that I'm seeing someone) until I feel like he'll be around a while. There's nothing worse that that being the topic of conversation every single time I'm on the phone with my family, if it's someone I've gone out with a time or two. Incredibly annoying, and an energy drain. It feels like the slumber party that never ends.

    I wouldn't consider compartmentalizing a red flag--it's just something you don't do. You would have to know the individual to know whether he or she is doing it because of a natural personality leaning, or to conceal serial killer tendencies or some such.
    Something Witty

Similar Threads

  1. [sx] Dom-Auxillary SX people in relationships with SX-Last people? Experiences?
    By Snow Turtle in forum Instinctual Subtypes
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-12-2012, 05:50 PM
  2. Replies: 16
    Last Post: 06-10-2010, 03:07 PM
  3. Life, relationships, career, etc. for INTP
    By Orpheus in forum The NT Rationale
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 05-27-2010, 01:01 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •