It's complicated. Eventually a long-term couple should integrate their lives with their relationship, imo, but I understand if a short-term couple doesn't do this. You might know right from the start that the person you are seeing is not a long-term potential so what would be the point of integrating? It could also take a while to figure out if someone is trustworthy and not a psycho.
07-01-2011, 05:20 PM #11
07-01-2011, 05:46 PM #12
i might do this a little bit. whenever my ex would come over to my house and start talking to my mom i'd get really uncomfortable and try to rush him out. and didn't enjoy hanging out with him and my friends together that much for some reason. but he was the complete opposite, i had to meet like his entire social group and he tried to get me to meet his parents on our 2nd date.
07-01-2011, 05:51 PM #13
- Join Date
- Aug 2010
07-01-2011, 06:19 PM #14
If you're past the getting-to-know-each-other stage, then yeah, it is kinda weird if you keep them absolutely and strictly seperate. After all, your social surroundings are part of what makes you the person you are. Shutting somebody completely out of that is like dating only part of a person. After you've been together for a while though, I think it's at least nice to let your S.O. know some facts about your family, your job, or whatever it is that is important in your life. Doesn't mean you have to present your soul on a silver platter.
On the other hand, those attached-at-the-hip kinda couples that share every waking and sleeping moment together completely weird me out. I honestly couldn't function if I'd be surrounded by people all the time and would go mad in a matter of days.IN SERIO FATVITAS.
-τὸ γὰρ γράμμα ἀποκτέννει, τὸ δὲ πνεῦμα ζῳοποιεῖ-
07-01-2011, 07:46 PM #15violaineGuest
I compartmentalize. It's a habit I've gotten into because I live far away from my family. I prefer it until it's impossible to maintain the wall. It's an intensely romantic time to me. It's like my BF and I are living in our own bubble. I need privacy to really bond with someone, it won't happen if other people are around.
I think I'm at an extreme when it comes to this. I like a serious type of intimacy. I never date casually. Typically, when a relationship is new, I just want to spend all of my free time with my BF alone. I usually date other introverts and there is something about that dynamic that means we are enough for each other for a long time.
It's more romantic and serene when things are kept quiet and private. That could be because there is drama associated with getting to know parts of my family, due to our different beliefs. (I tell all BFs about that right from the start though). But it's something deeper than that... I strongly prefer privacy. I don't want to share "us" with anyone too soon because then somehow the intensity is diluted.
Contrast that with the way a friend of my Mother's arranges her relationship. She is in a marriage of financial convenience. She ensures she is never alone with her husband outside of sleeping next to each other. It's a barrier she's constructed to deeper intimacy. I don't like any barriers.
07-01-2011, 07:48 PM #16
i understand holding off for a while. i'm very cautious. but if the relationship is serious... then it's odd to me.
Originally Posted by violaine
07-01-2011, 08:09 PM #17
I do this to a point. When it's someone I am dating, I wait until it's serious until I introduce them to family & other friends. Only my last two bfs have met my family. Prior to that, I wouldn't even tell family I was seeing someone, and rarely would tell my friends. My girlfriends & I are not the kind to talk relationships much. I love the "no pressure" aspect this gives....
When it comes to friends, I tend to have individual friendships. I am not part of a group, really. I don't feel the need for my friends to be friends with each other or to all hang out together. Some people do like that; my sister usually ends up introducing her friends to one another because she likes one cohesive group to interact with. They often end up meeting some of my family also; my parents' know her friends' names more than they know mine. I've always kept friends somewhat separate from family also. I almost think it keeps the relationship more special to me.
When it comes to work, I try and keep it separate from everything. I don't like to be close to people I work with. I have no desire to be friends & hang out together outside of work, and I'm very quiet about my life around coworkers, keeping details on a need-to-know-basis."Charlotte sometimes dreams a wall around herself. But it's always with love - So much love it looks like everything else. Charlotte Sometimes - So far away, glass sealed and pretty." - The Cure
INFP | 4w5 sp/sx - 451| RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive
07-01-2011, 09:46 PM #18
I do this to some extent, partly for privacy, partly for manageability and focus. At work, it is no one's business what I do on the outside, and I like to concentrate on work, without social or family distractions. Outside of work, most people wouldn't understand what I do all day anyway, so why get into it? Different groups I participate in have different interests, which don't intersect very well. Family are aware on some level of all my involvements, but don't need or want the details.I've been called a criminal, a terrorist, and a threat to the known universe. But everything you were told is a lie. The truth is, they've taken our freedom, our home, and our future. The time has come for all humanity to take a stand...
07-01-2011, 11:24 PM #19I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.
07-02-2011, 03:08 AM #20
Then there is the matter of people being perfectly delightful on their own but being either too conservative or too liberal to understand the behavior of someone on the opposite end of the spectrum. I've always been somewhere in the middle, having been raised in a small, Southern town, but having spent most of my life in academia and the arts. I relate to both points of view at times, or at least can see how they arrived there, but some of my friends don't have that ability. So I keep them separated.
I don't introduce anyone I'm dating to my family (or really, even mention that I'm seeing someone) until I feel like he'll be around a while. There's nothing worse that that being the topic of conversation every single time I'm on the phone with my family, if it's someone I've gone out with a time or two. Incredibly annoying, and an energy drain. It feels like the slumber party that never ends.
I wouldn't consider compartmentalizing a red flag--it's just something you don't do. You would have to know the individual to know whether he or she is doing it because of a natural personality leaning, or to conceal serial killer tendencies or some such.Something Witty
By Snow Turtle in forum Instinctual SubtypesReplies: 2Last Post: 01-12-2012, 12:50 PM
By 21% in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)Replies: 16Last Post: 06-10-2010, 10:07 AM
By Orpheus in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)Replies: 7Last Post: 05-26-2010, 08:01 PM