Not being taken seriously

[entropie]

Following my latest genius thread "People who dont think before speaking", today we have "Not being taken seriously".. ya I know its awesome

Ok now I think I have a problem here, I cant easily fix no more. My coworkers have developed a way of speaking to me like they think I am an idiot. You are definitly allowed to laugh your ass off now but I think this is a problem .

There's a difference between someone not talking too seriously to you because you are most of the times joking around and between someone talking to you thinking you are an idiot, a moron or insane. First I found this quite funny, felt like O'Neill in Stargate because I could pretty much do and say everything I wanted, but now it feels more serious. It feels like they are really convinced I am an idiot.

They are most probably right, cause I am anything else than the average person, what to others seems natural, I have troubles with and the fact that I never know the newest smalltalk or do what everybody does, makes me probably look strange. I have serious troubles of telling people what I think in ways they could understand me. This maybe the Ne + Ti combo, the first one makes you bonzo and the second one is too introverted to speak. That backed up with a Fe function that lets you scream at injustice without giving you the tools to tell others why you just screamed, prolly forms an accomplished lunatic.

I have come to terms with the fact that obviously these people are completly intolerant and asses I shouldnt worry about, still I feel hurt somehow cause I am sick of always being the guy who is different. In fact I want to belong really hard but it just doesnt work.

I have no problems with anybody teasing me, I have a leadership position at work and most people are basically happy if I dont tease them; it's just the thing that I obviously see and feel now they think I have lost it and am a weirdo.

I am wondering what would happen if they meet my girlfriend, would prolly think she's a menace to society .

I am more and more convinced that I am living in SJcentral and I am more and more convinced that I will not die at the place in which I am living currently, but that I rather have to go and see what else there is in the world for me.

Does anybody by chance understand what I am talking about and can gimme a hug ? I have grown so alone the last couple of years, I dunno even know no more where I belong :/

 

[Qlip]

It may not be personal. There are several people that I work for that don't seem to ever take into account someone's ability and treat everyone as if they might not understand. This is frustrating because I don't like to have to hear unecessary explanation and of course I don't like to be talked down to. These people don't seem to mean anything by it, it's just their default mode of dealing with people.

And yeah, maybe they don't take you seriously and somehow thinks your playful personality means that you're incompetent. I guess you just have to show them what's what with your work.

 

[Ghost of the dead horse]

I struggled between same kinds of emotions. I was enthusiastic and I took my relationships deeply, and people call me bipolar. I joked around and survived from situations that seemed incredible. People appreciated me for my company and my entertainment, but they surely put me in the last position for any person they'd do anything serious with.

Understanding this was depressing. I wondered why people couldn't understand that the desire to joke and fool around, engaging in imaginary scenarios, wild play etc. didn't mean that I wouldn't be able to undergo long-term projects requiring skill and concentration. But, life handed me a bit of a clue. I looked back at my projects and noticed I didn't really finish many of them. And no, it wasn't because they were too difficult for me or anything.

In my case, I recognized the need to find stability in me. Not just to please someone or gain recognition, but because I wasn't long-term enough to do the stuff I wanted. I wanted my own recognition. I was my own biggest distraction.

Now I think I've come too long a way to stabilize myself in everything. I've concentrated on issues in project management and leadership lately. I've studied material about quality systems, software production systems, everything that could bring stability, predictability and performance in this area. I've seemed quite serious for much time. And yeah, I've got many of the benefits from looking like a serious, respectable fellow, too. Inside I've been rotting away.

The humor of a high Ne user is perhaps too much for the SJ-minded audicences, like for example in the corporate world. A bunch of miscellaneous people put together under typical office schedules and management styles will develop SJ-mind. Anyways, I'm thinking that it's possible to be respectable and carefree. What I think is that the physical situation of the joke is important to these kinds of people. They want to see less of the zany behavior in work setting. They want to invite you for a beer and do crazy stuff with you. They don't control the situation and the context with their mind, but they control it with the physical place. Inflexible, yes, when the mind could be flexible to do so much more. But, that what it seems to me.

 

[Red Herring]

This doesn't sound like much fun.

You sound like you are good at what you do and have a decent position, so at least this shouldn't be a threat to your work.

Going by what I have seen of you in the forum, part of the problem might be that you often come across as the class clown who is funny and entertaining but doesn't take anything or anybody seriously and therefor isn't taken seriously himself. Or people don't notice when you actually are serious. This estrangement does seem to often go with Ne/Ti.

Do you have any NT or maybe even NF colleagues? There must be some goofball somewhere in your company.

Do they actually undermine your authority and/or doubt your competence or is this taking place on a more subtle human level? They don't have to like you, but if they are giving you a hard time, it might be a good idea to adress this before it gets out of hand.

 

[CrystalViolet]

I think it's an Ne thing. It seems I'm going through some thing similar ( however I posted a much more emotionally angst version in the NF section). Similar problem. As weird as it sounds, I'm kinda relieved I'm not the only person that suffers from this problem.
So Hugs, Entropie, it is a very lonely experience. I don't have a solution though. Personally, whilist I think it's slightly inauthentic to do so, I'm trying to tone down some of my quirks. I refuse to start watching T.V. but maybe keep a little more quiet about some of my projects outside of work. If it's not house renovations, sport, or drinking, it's off limits. I think I'll be talking less, and maybe considering starting phase one of my new business.

 

[Southern Kross]

Ugh, that sucks. I've experienced something similar all too often. Its so much harder to deal with snide comments than it is when people just openly insult you. You either do nothing and let them make you feel like an idiot or you try to defend yourself and in return get, "ooohh, aren't we touchy". You feel like you're screwed no matter what you do. What a nightmare.

I've learned the only thing you can do is joke along with them, until you make their comments look stupid and pathetic. The trick is to keep everything (seemingly) lighthearted because they get off on seeing that you care. I mean, this is childish High School BS, so treat it with the blithe disdain it deserves. Of course, this is easily said but even I find it extremely difficult to do. I take things too seriously and get upset or irritated easily - besides the fact that I lack natural social graces to pull it off.

You certainly have my sympathies, entropie. These people are clearly too backward and idiotic to appreciate the wacky genius of Ne.

 

[funkadelik]

Entropie, I have a very similar problem.

I am intelligent and competent in many areas, but in others (like with "common sense") I am totally lost. WTF does "common sense" even mean? Who decides what sense is common or not? Anyway,pair that with the fact that I like to make a farce of everything and I hardly get taken seriously. Which is what I prefer, ultimately, but sometimes I get the sense that people are equating my un-seriousness to stupidity or (because I'm a female) ditzy-ness. And I am anything but a stupid, ditzy girl.

Which is why I've taken it upon myself to being a little more "insightful" and a little less "humourous." The two concepts are quite close to one another (good humour is quite insightful and insight can be spun in a humourous way), so it just means me choosing the more "serious" route sometimes to garner more serious respect from those around me.

It sucks, though, man. I know what you mean.

 

[Synapse]

I too have an opposite problem of being too serious but not really competent. This creates a warble effect called competently disserious and hence not taken seriously. Its like a double blind effect. Luckily I don't do management or humour in the conventional sense. I would be astonished if anyone looked up to me. Beard helps, not nearly enough.