you can't understand depression unless you've been depressed

[prplchknz]

agree or disagree with this statement.

 

[Stanton Moore]

For the most part, true.

 

[Qlip]

Well.. I disagree in a way. I mean, anyone can learn how a depressed person acts, what they might be liable to do or respond to. But I don't think there's any real analog to depression to compare against to have an empathetic understanding.

 

[prplchknz]

you can't understand based on how they act. you just can't I can't understand what it's like to be a gay man.

 

[Qlip]

you can't understand based on how they act. you just can't I can't understand what it's like to be a gay man.

Well.. that's what I'm saying. It depends on what your definition of understanding is. If you want to understand depression like you can understand how a car's engine works, then the answer is No. I mean, I'm sure there are tons of psychologists out there who have never experienced depression, but in a way understand it.

But they can't ever say, "I know how you feel."

 

[Red Herring]

Well, I assume it definitely helps. But having gone through dysthemia and having lived in a very close relationship with a clinically depressed person is also instructive.

Another thing is that time plays a major factor, in other words two people can feel very similar but one goes back to normal/default after a while and the other gets stuck in this poisened brain chemistry. The first is considered normal, the latter suffers from depression. While the first person lacks that chronic aspect and has not experienced first hand what it means when there is no light at the end of the tunnel because the tunnel seems to have no end, he has still been to the tunnel.

Not seeing any f*ing point to life, feeling like a cockroach and a total failure in everything, hysterically crying your eyes out in a fetal position on the kitchen floor, not being able to imagine how life could possible go on, at least theoretically contemplating suicide, lying awake at night in panic because you just know that your life is about to go down the drain and you'll die poor and lonely under a bridge, sleeping in your cloths on a bed that still has stuff piled up on it, not even noticing that you haven't cleaned the house in weeks, sleeping 12 hours and more and still not having the energy to do anything but the most basic chores of life, not knowing who you hate more, yourself or those shallow happy people out there, totally withdrawing into your head because you just want to be left alone and nobody would truely understand anyway,.......

....these are things that many go through to some degree or other at some point in their life without suffering from depression in the sense of the medical definition. And having gone through that should help understand somebody who lives through months and years of this. At least if they are not an insensitve dick.

Basic rules for bystanders:
- Don't say "cheer up"" or "you'll see it'll get better", they don't see it, that's the frigging point!
- If this persists and is a real burden on the person's quality of life, they wil eventually need help, but you can't force somebody to get that help, they have to want it and take the first step
- Don't give them the fifth degree but make sure they know you are not a fair weather friend (or only like them when they are happy rays of sunshine) and are there when they need company or somebody to emo vomit on
- While an outside perspective might be helpful in some cases when their judgement is impaired and their worldview distorted, don't abuse this to play the "you are imagining things!"-card whenever there is a disagreement or they will (rightfully) get the impression that you aren't taking them serious

How did I do (for an outsider)?

 

[King sns]

If you don't understand depressoin, play this game, it works if only for a moment.

http://gambit.mit.edu/loadgame/elude.php

 

[Qlip]

Note, I'm an ousider too. I've been diagnosed with dysthemia in my lifetime, but that is its own animal. I just try to be careful when trampling over other people's experiences, it's very easy to do and you can really alienate people by assuming you know how they feel.

 

[Red Herring]

Note, I'm an ousider too. I've been diagnosed with dysthemia in my lifetime, but that is its own animal. I just try to be careful when trampling over other people's experiences, it's very easy to do and you can really alienate people by assuming you know how they feel.

I get that and would never utter that ugly phrase "I know how you feel". What I am saying is that the belief that you are a unique snowflake and nobody feels like you and nobody understands you seems to be part of the problem. And it can stop people from getting help when they think that.

Truth is, while a healthy person might never have experienced what you are experiencing, millions of others have suffered from this for thousands of years. What I tried to explain is that the chronic aspect is an important factor and that therefor, somebody who has not suffered from depression might still have gotten a taste of some of its aspects.

This isn't black or white. I am equally suspicious of both the "this is what is going on in your head and this is what you should do" and the "OMG, nobody understands me" approach.

 

[prplchknz]

it bothers me when people who have never been depressed go "I know how you feel" I don't remember what it feels like to be happy, so I wouldn't go up to a happy person and say "I know how you feel" I might go to a depressed person and share my story just to show that maybe we can relate. maybe we can't.

 

[King sns]

it bothers me when people who have never been depressed go "I know how you feel" I don't remember what it feels like to be happy, so I wouldn't go up to a happy person and say "I know how you feel" I might go to a depressed person and share my story just to show that maybe we can relate. maybe we can't.

I go around assuming that everyone has had depression or anxiety.

 

[Red Herring]

I go around assuming that everyone has had depression or anxiety.

You might be suprised how many actually have. It just isn't something people have tattooed on their forehead.

 

[King sns]

You might be suprised how many actually have. It just isn't something people have tattooed on their forehead.

I agree. I just assume that most people have good public covers. I certainly wouldn't bring it up with most casual acquaintances.

 

[Santosha]

I assume that most people have had, in the least, mild episodes of depression. And I think there is this crazy stigma, especially in the US, that we must all be happy, and beautiful, and rich, and perfect. Bouts of depression and sadness are just part of a human condition. But we are taught to reject that.. taught to believe it must all be sunshine and rainbows, or we need a pill. I think tremendous growth can occur when one realizes its okay to be sad sometimes.

NOT sad continually though. Not to confuse it with chronic depression or chem imbalances.

 

[prplchknz]

I guess yeah most people have experience sadness, but depression to me is different like marm said their's the flat affect depressed which is me except when I'm alone and really far down then I'm crying to the point of puking.

 

[Nomenclature]

Oh, god.

Me: "Shut up. You don't know what you're talking about-- have you ever been depressed?"
Hunky-dory girl: "Yeah."
Me: "Have you ever known what it feels like to want to die? Or that your existence doesn't matter? Or that you're testing your capacity for pain every fucking day?"
Her: "N--"
Me: "Then you have no idea what it's like. It's not just about being sad."

If you've never been depressed, you might be able to understand it, but you obviously won't be likely to feel it or compare it to your own emotions, because pain isn't something that you can quantify or just be like, "Hey, here's a wire to my brain. Plug it into yours and see what it's like." NO. I'll quote Charlie Sheen here: "You borrow my brain and you're like DUDE, can't handle it!"

Then again, I can't just imagine pain. I have to experience it to know it, which is probably more of an individual characteristic.

 

[King sns]

I assume that most people have had, in the least, mild episodes of depression. And I think there is this crazy stigma, especially in the US, that we must all be happy, and beautiful, and rich, and perfect. Bouts of depression and sadness are just part of a human condition. But we are taught to reject that.. taught to believe it must all be sunshine and rainbows, or we need a pill. I think tremendous growth can occur when one realizes its okay to be sad sometimes.

NOT sad continually though. Not to confuse it with chronic depression or chem imbalances.

Yeah, it's impossible to measure people's pain. Everyone handles it differently. I've actually brought up my intense bouts of anxiety with people and a common response is, "you don't seem anxious." I find this insulting. It seems that only the few people who have actively seen me curled up in a fetal position in tears or been in a room where I've woken up screaming in the middle of the night really truly understand what anxiety has put me through. Because of that, I assume that I don't know what others have been through either. (A seemingly happy person may have severe depression.)

 

[prplchknz]

Yeah, it's impossible to measure people's pain. Everyone handles it differently. I've actually brought up my intense bouts of anxiety with people and a common response is, "you don't seem anxious." I find this insulting. It seems that only the few people who have actively seen me curled up in a fetal position in tears or been in a room where I've woken up screaming in the middle of the night really truly understand what anxiety has put me through. Because of that, I assume that I don't know what others have been through either.

same here I don't show emotion outwardly so i can be a total wreck inside and i'll say i'm anxious and some will say "you don't seem ancxious" diidsfnafjhnusthnjknfjnfsjk!!!

 

[guesswho]

you can't understand depression unless you've been depressed

no, we're not that special.

I don't understand depression and it's kinda been with me for a while now...

I mean everybody understands the symptoms, but what triggers them, and what can you do to change it all?

It's just way too complex.

Not like a broken bone...or other physical conditions.

 

[Octarine]

If you don't understand depressoin, play this game, it works if only for a moment.

http://gambit.mit.edu/loadgame/elude.php

I don't get it. Depressed people are bored?