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  1. #1
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Default you can't understand depression unless you've been depressed

    agree or disagree with this statement.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  2. #2
    morose bourgeoisie
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    For the most part, true.

  3. #3
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Well.. I disagree in a way. I mean, anyone can learn how a depressed person acts, what they might be liable to do or respond to. But I don't think there's any real analog to depression to compare against to have an empathetic understanding.

  4. #4
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    you can't understand based on how they act. you just can't I can't understand what it's like to be a gay man.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #5
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    you can't understand based on how they act. you just can't I can't understand what it's like to be a gay man.
    Well.. that's what I'm saying. It depends on what your definition of understanding is. If you want to understand depression like you can understand how a car's engine works, then the answer is No. I mean, I'm sure there are tons of psychologists out there who have never experienced depression, but in a way understand it.

    But they can't ever say, "I know how you feel."

  6. #6
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    Well, I assume it definitely helps. But having gone through dysthemia and having lived in a very close relationship with a clinically depressed person is also instructive.

    Another thing is that time plays a major factor, in other words two people can feel very similar but one goes back to normal/default after a while and the other gets stuck in this poisened brain chemistry. The first is considered normal, the latter suffers from depression. While the first person lacks that chronic aspect and has not experienced first hand what it means when there is no light at the end of the tunnel because the tunnel seems to have no end, he has still been to the tunnel.

    Not seeing any f*ing point to life, feeling like a cockroach and a total failure in everything, hysterically crying your eyes out in a fetal position on the kitchen floor, not being able to imagine how life could possible go on, at least theoretically contemplating suicide, lying awake at night in panic because you just know that your life is about to go down the drain and you'll die poor and lonely under a bridge, sleeping in your cloths on a bed that still has stuff piled up on it, not even noticing that you haven't cleaned the house in weeks, sleeping 12 hours and more and still not having the energy to do anything but the most basic chores of life, not knowing who you hate more, yourself or those shallow happy people out there, totally withdrawing into your head because you just want to be left alone and nobody would truely understand anyway,.......

    ....these are things that many go through to some degree or other at some point in their life without suffering from depression in the sense of the medical definition. And having gone through that should help understand somebody who lives through months and years of this. At least if they are not an insensitve dick.

    Basic rules for bystanders:
    - Don't say "cheer up"" or "you'll see it'll get better", they don't see it, that's the frigging point!
    - If this persists and is a real burden on the person's quality of life, they wil eventually need help, but you can't force somebody to get that help, they have to want it and take the first step
    - Don't give them the fifth degree but make sure they know you are not a fair weather friend (or only like them when they are happy rays of sunshine) and are there when they need company or somebody to emo vomit on
    - While an outside perspective might be helpful in some cases when their judgement is impaired and their worldview distorted, don't abuse this to play the "you are imagining things!"-card whenever there is a disagreement or they will (rightfully) get the impression that you aren't taking them serious

    How did I do (for an outsider)?
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  7. #7
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    If you don't understand depressoin, play this game, it works if only for a moment.

    http://gambit.mit.edu/loadgame/elude.php
    06/13 10:51:03 five sounds: you!!!
    06/13 10:51:08 shortnsweet: no you!!
    06/13 10:51:12 shortnsweet: go do your things and my things too!
    06/13 10:51:23 five sounds: oh hell naw
    06/13 10:51:55 shortnsweet: !!!!
    06/13 10:51:57 shortnsweet: (cries)
    06/13 10:52:19 RiftsWRX: You two are like furbies stuck in a shoe box

    My Nohari
    My Johari
    by sns.

  8. #8
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Note, I'm an ousider too. I've been diagnosed with dysthemia in my lifetime, but that is its own animal. I just try to be careful when trampling over other people's experiences, it's very easy to do and you can really alienate people by assuming you know how they feel.

  9. #9
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlippoth View Post
    Note, I'm an ousider too. I've been diagnosed with dysthemia in my lifetime, but that is its own animal. I just try to be careful when trampling over other people's experiences, it's very easy to do and you can really alienate people by assuming you know how they feel.
    I get that and would never utter that ugly phrase "I know how you feel". What I am saying is that the belief that you are a unique snowflake and nobody feels like you and nobody understands you seems to be part of the problem. And it can stop people from getting help when they think that.

    Truth is, while a healthy person might never have experienced what you are experiencing, millions of others have suffered from this for thousands of years. What I tried to explain is that the chronic aspect is an important factor and that therefor, somebody who has not suffered from depression might still have gotten a taste of some of its aspects.

    This isn't black or white. I am equally suspicious of both the "this is what is going on in your head and this is what you should do" and the "OMG, nobody understands me" approach.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
    A herring's blog
    Johari / Nohari

  10. #10
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    it bothers me when people who have never been depressed go "I know how you feel" I don't remember what it feels like to be happy, so I wouldn't go up to a happy person and say "I know how you feel" I might go to a depressed person and share my story just to show that maybe we can relate. maybe we can't.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

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