Mole
Permabanned
- Joined
- Mar 20, 2008
- Messages
- 20,284
My deepest self is so vulnerable I can't bear to look. But in off moments I catch myself slipping down deep and I feel afraid but at the same time recognise there is something alive down there.
But then I have to go to the bank or meet new people and my defences come up like shutters in a cyclone. I am safe for a while and I can go about my business but after a while business palls and I hear the call of the deep. So I try to inch down step by step, but at each step I become more vulnerable, I am drawn on but I am drawn on by the unknown. And not knowing I must explore step by step, I must see what is on each step before I proceed. It's as though I am walking in the dark, feeling my way. But each step is not a physical step but a feeling, so I step from feeling to feeling, each feeling new, each feeling a surprise, sometimes holding my breath and sometimes breathing deeply as I move deeper and deeper into my feelings.
But then I have to go to the bank or meet new people and my defences come up like shutters in a cyclone. I am safe for a while and I can go about my business but after a while business palls and I hear the call of the deep. So I try to inch down step by step, but at each step I become more vulnerable, I am drawn on but I am drawn on by the unknown. And not knowing I must explore step by step, I must see what is on each step before I proceed. It's as though I am walking in the dark, feeling my way. But each step is not a physical step but a feeling, so I step from feeling to feeling, each feeling new, each feeling a surprise, sometimes holding my breath and sometimes breathing deeply as I move deeper and deeper into my feelings.