User Tag List

View Poll Results: Do they go hand-in-hand?

Voters
14. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes, they're often found together

    3 21.43%
  • No, they don't correlate

    3 21.43%
  • I disagree with the premise

    3 21.43%
  • Option D

    5 35.71%
12 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 16

  1. #1
    IRL is not real Cimarron's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    ISTJ
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Posts
    3,424

    Default The opposite of a grudge

    If a grudge means "holding onto hate", then is "holding onto love" (i.e., having trouble letting go of relationships) its opposite?

    Do you think these two personal qualities tend to go together in a personality?
    You can't spell "justice" without ISTJ.

  2. #2
    Head Pigeon Mad Hatter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    -1w sp/sx
    Socionics
    IOU Ni
    Posts
    1,028

    Default

    I wouldn't say so.
    I'm not really a confrontational person. For me, letting go is much harder than giving up a grudge be. If I've decided that I don't like somebody, I keep my distance if at all possible.
    Persistent hatred is just not worth the effort.
    IN SERIO FATVITAS.

    -τὸ γὰρ γράμμα ἀποκτέννει, τὸ δὲ πνεῦμα ζῳοποιεῖ-

  3. #3
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    MBTI
    ESFJ
    Posts
    4,915

    Default

    I wouldn't necessarily say they go together.

    Personally, i find it easier to let go as hatred anger requires a lot of my energy which i refuse to give to the other person. Unless i'm around the person a lot then i need to back off completely and refocus on myself. I don't like to hold grudges, life is too short.

    Now, holding onto love is a different matter. I have to come to terms with things on my own accord and that may take a while. Someone recently told me that i idealise love. The person just misread my words (Again) as i was speaking of the good (and bad) during the relationship. Just because a relationship goes south and people got hurt, doesn't mean i don't smile to myself when thinking of the good times. Hmm.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  4. #4
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    MBTI
    intp
    Enneagram
    5w4 sx
    Posts
    7,823

    Default

    hate/grudge arent the opposites of love

    i dont think they go together every time in personality, but ofc they can go together in some cases
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
    — C.G. Jung

    Read

  5. #5
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    MBTI
    INTP
    Enneagram
    5
    Posts
    836

    Default

    Eh...I think of grudges as holding onto resentment or anger, not hate. You don't have to hate someone to resent them for some wrong they've done in the past, or for something they have that you envy, and hold a grudge because of that.

    What's the opposite of resentment? Gratitude? Appreciation? I don't think holding onto past wrongs or injustices and holding onto past rights necessarily do go together, just because so many people seem to remember the wrongs a lot more.

  6. #6
    Honor Thy Inferior Such Irony's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INtp
    Enneagram
    5w6 sp/so
    Socionics
    LII Ne
    Posts
    5,091

    Default

    I voted "I disagree with the premise." I don't think they are opposites and both qualities can be found in the same person but not always. A person could hold onto relationships past the point of being healthy even if that person holds a grudge with their significant other for whatever reason. Maybe the person has a great fear of being without a relationship or is nonconfrontational.
    INtp
    5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
    Ravenclaw/Hufflepuff
    Neutral Good
    LII-Ne




  7. #7
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    3,041

    Default

    Nope, letting the hate go is the opposite.

    "The opposite of love is not hate - it's apathy."


    [Either way you put it
    you love someone,
    you hate someone,
    you like someone,
    you're interested in someone,
    etc.]
    You are attached to that person

    [When you become apathetic
    you don't care whether you love someone,
    you don't care whether you hate someone,
    you don't care whether you like someone,
    you don't care whether you are interested in someone,
    etc.]
    That person has lost its significance. Attachment to that person through personal feelings have gone away.

  8. #8
    Permabanned
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 sx
    Socionics
    SEE Fi
    Posts
    25,301

    Default

    No. The opposite of a grudge is having an amiable distance. It's like...I don't hate you, I don't love, but I forgive you and see that what you did is about you and not about me, and I don't want much to do with you anymore. Have a nice day.

    The opposite of a grudge is just moving on.

  9. #9
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    6w5 sp/sx
    Posts
    3,938

    Default

    I think they can be related. I'm not sure what it stems from - intensity of emotion? Unhealthy attachment style?

    In my case, normally I'm relaxed about a lot of things, even things which bother many other people, and I let them go and wouldn't really get offended over them (though sometimes I do take things too personally, but I can usually write those off if I make an effort to be logical about it.) However, if there's been a big buildup of inconsiderate behaviour or if someone has seriously hurt me emotionally, I do have a bad tendency to hold onto grudges. Sometimes for years. It's not good, it's something I need to work on, it's damaging to me, but it's there. There are situations in which I'm unlikely to ever fully forgive a person.

    As well, I am a very loyal friend/relationship partner, which I think is a good quality. But I have also found that partly for that reason I have trouble leaving unhealthy relationships and friendships. I get over-attached, in a way. I feel like I should just hang in there and work at it some more (even if the other person plainly doesn't care about working at it), I don't want to be abandoned, I love/care about them too much (or my idea of them) to give it up - that sort of thing.

    I do wonder if it's some kind of unhealthy attachment thing...
    Female
    INFJ
    Enneagram 6w5 sp/sx


    I DOORSLAMMING

  10. #10
    Banned
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    2,390

    Default

    That would be limerence.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 373
    Last Post: 11-27-2017, 06:05 PM
  2. [Enne] Which type is the opposite of the Type 5?
    By The Unknown Essence in forum Enneatypes
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 09-27-2011, 08:51 PM
  3. The Opposite of Meditation.
    By ReflecTcelfeR in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 10-24-2010, 09:34 PM
  4. The Opposite of Truth
    By Salomé in forum General Psychology
    Replies: 206
    Last Post: 09-16-2010, 09:14 PM
  5. If you were a member of the opposite sex?
    By heart in forum The Bonfire
    Replies: 34
    Last Post: 05-27-2008, 10:53 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO