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Thread: Toxic people

  1. #1
    Senior Member knight's Avatar
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    Default Toxic people

    the ones that drain you emotionally, that make you feel awful for no reason or feel entitled and grief you to get what they want? the ones that detract from the value of your life?

    "make her feel stupid so she will feel incomplete and need you" - cousin

    they cannibalize the psyche of others for their own benefit.

    aside from kicking their ass, how do you handle these monsters?

  2. #2
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    Yell at them. Tell them to piss off. Call them out on what they're doing.

    I don't mean neurotic people who can't help it. There are some people who are needy emotional vampires because they're depressed or something.

    But yeah, the people who do it on purpose cause they think it's amusing, show no mercy, no matter how much they try to turn it around like they're the victim.

    I tend to do this with any guy who tries to pull PUA shit. "Oh you're being a bitch." "No, I'm just calling you out on what a psychologically raping emotionally unevolved fuckwit you are."

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    Oh, or you could just ignore them.

  4. #4
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Yell at them. Tell them to piss off. Call them out on what they're doing.

    I don't mean neurotic people who can't help it. There are some people who are needy emotional vampires because they're depressed or something.

    But yeah, the people who do it on purpose cause they think it's amusing, show no mercy, no matter how much they try to turn it around like they're the victim.

    I tend to do this with any guy who tries to pull PUA shit. "Oh you're being a bitch." "No, I'm just calling you out on what a psychologically raping emotionally unevolved fuckwit you are."
    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Oh, or you could just ignore them.
    Either/or

    Known a dude who liked putting other people down. Little did he know others were using him too. So I pretty much ignored him.
    Last edited by Rail Tracer; 06-05-2011 at 05:01 PM.

  5. #5
    Lungs & Lips Locked Unkindloving's Avatar
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    I've had a long stint against one of these people. She's either an ENFJ gone wrong, or an ESFJ gone worse. She's an extremely convolouted creature. On one hand she'll throw heaps of negativity out in waves, but then say she's trying to keep ridiculously positive. She'll be insanely overbearing to get other to like her, then she'll disbelieve anything they say and hate on herself. She'll dish out tons of insults towards other people and their interests, but can't handle the slightest comment in her direction.
    Basically, she is the embodiment of a lose-lose and then some.

    For a while, I tried to stick it out and advise a little while surviving the friendship. It didn't work. I was left feeling like an irrelevant piece of dirt rather than a human being. I tried to zen out in the usual places like karaoke or the gym, but she'd be there to drain all of the positive vibes from every situation. I tried to incorporate my other friends into the mix, but most would come to the decision that they could only handle her in small doses. She would quickly get to the point of either dominating every ounce of interaction, or withdrawing into butthurtedness when attention was off of her for over a minute.
    Honestly, I stopped going to all of the usual places because I didn't want to see her. I stopped texting her. When I see her now, I say my "Hello"s and ask how she is doing, but I prefer the distance at this point. It's turned into a forced aquaintanceship, purely based on the fact that she goes to the same places I do and I can't be that big of a jerk to completely avoid an emotional black cloud and still feel chilled.

    Can't we just put them all on an island where they either fight to rehabilitate themselves.. or fight to the death?

    I do find all of the other things to work if I'm not constantly faced with said culprit. Pointing out their BS. Ignoring. Etc. It's all fantastic. I just can't figure out how to do it when you see them practically 1x or more a week.
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  6. #6
    (blankpages) Xenon's Avatar
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    I avoid them. Avoidance: the cause of and solution to all life's problems. If you're me, that is.

    I don't know what I'd do if I ever found myself in a situation in which I had to interact with one frequently. I guess if I had a co-worker or something like that, I'd just stick to the work and try to ignore all the bullshit.

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    Senior Member ceecee's Avatar
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    I get even a slight whiff of this mentality, I call them on their bullshit. None of them have ever been given enough time to infect my life even a little bit. I have no interest whatsoever in fixing them or caring about them in any way.
    I like to rock n' roll all night and *part* of every day. I usually have errands... I can only rock from like 1-3.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Saslou's Avatar
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    I'm slowly getting better at this. Unfortunately because i try and see the underlying issues and don't want people to suffer, i go out of my way in regards to offering support, even if it does drain me.

    Although i've found it hard, i now realise i have to walk away and that they need to save themselves. You can call them on their bullshit all you like but once in that frame of mind of being right all the time, nothing you say will make a blind bit of difference.

    I wish you luck.
    “I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flower, you hung all your associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see—and I don't.”
    ― Georgia O'Keeffe

  9. #9
    Senior Member Jaguar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by knight View Post

    aside from kicking their ass, how do you handle these monsters?
    Nurse?
    Yes, Doctor?
    Scalpel.

  10. #10
    Ginkgo
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    I think everyone has a choice to engage with toxic people or not. There's always a way to take a middle path, and neither draw them in closer to you by avoiding them, or getting closer yourself. Usually, with those sorts, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't, and you feel like a prisoner. It's hard to pull off, but I've seen many a bright individuals do a slow Houdini move with the most unnerving people. We're talking severe personality disordered with no regard for others, in professional, confined settings. It may take time; dispatching them immediately with full force tends to be counterproductive. It's a sign that even though you're attempting to remove them from your life, you're still caught and fixated on the problem. Communication can tighten people together or ease them away from each other. In any case, it's critical to progression. Once you feel your will is your own, and they're no longer a concern, it will be reflected in your relationship with them, if there is one at all.

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