Smart kids are unpopular.

[King sns]

I remember as a kid being different in any way could be very traumatizing. For me, it was pale skin, big glasses, (in the early years), being chubby, (for a couple of years), not having a father, and awkward displays of intelligence. (Even post glasses.) In elementary school, it's not such a big deal. When I reached around fifth grade, I moved away from my friends, and was trying to make new friends in the new school.

My best topics were math and creative writing. I remember writing some essay for DARE. Innocent small town girl, I had very little knowledge and no experience of drugs. I wrote the essay quickly at the last minute one night, trying to imagine whatever I was writing about to be true. (A completely fiction story.) I turned in the essay, and they were judged, (it was a contest.) I was sick that day, but apparently I had won. Got to school and all the kids told me the news. The teacher came up to me and had this intense stare in her eyes and asked bluntly where this came from, and what experience was I drawing from. (She probably thought I had an awful home life.) I said, (smiling from ear to ear),"None! I just imagined the scenario and the words came on their own!" She asked me to read at some big state wide conference, (I turned it down, I didn't want to read in front of people.) The next minute I remember my best friend getting really mad and crying and didn't talk to me for three days.

My teachers used to make these really huge spectacles of all my writing in class, invariably reading every story I made to the whole class. Sometimes they tried to be anonymous, but I started to get these awful glares from fellow classmates. I was so proud of my work, but I didn't like the negative attention at all. (On top of this, I had somehow figured out the last name vs. schedule system in my school and if someone could tell me their last name I could tell them what class they were going to. All fun and games until kids start snickering behind my back and "accidentally" dropping books on my head.)

Finally after one too many people asked me if I had been reading a dictionary lately, (apparently big words are weird), I just thought it was easier to act normal and make light of the more average side of my personality.

(Bolding the next part for those who wanted to skip to the point. )

Based on a lot of stuff I've read on this site, I'm guessing a lot of people can relate. Did you find that you were forced to stifle certain things about yourself to get by in school? I think that this kind of mindset rings true in adulthood (to a lesser extent) as well. A lot of people are outstanding in some way- why can't outstanding be the norm?

 

[prplchknz]

I wasn't smart, or at least I wasn't viewed as smart. I kept to myself and still was hated and didn't fit in got picked on. I think it's more of being different than it is being smart.

 

[King sns]

I wasn't smart, or at least I wasn't viewed as smart. I kept to myself and still was hated and didn't fit in got picked on. I think it's more of being different than it is being smart.

This still indicates that you stood out in some way, no?

 

[prplchknz]

yeah it did. that's why i added the being different part.

 

[King sns]

yeah it did. that's why i added the being different part.

I don't understand why there's so much animosity towards anybody who is different/ indicates that they are different. Why does this evoke such a strong reaction in kids and people? You'd think the different person murdered someone. (When in reality, everyone is different. So not only are people hiding their differences, but some are also acting cold towards others whose differences are more obvious.) It's a strange mindset.

 

[Totenkindly]

In elementary school, many of my peers called me "brain" and respected me for being smart and getting good grades.

It was ironic that as soon as I went to middle school, the attitude changed: Kids trying to feel more secure about themselves found many ways to put others down or present them as "uncool". My peers now would make fun of me if I got the highest grade, and if I didn't get the highest grade on something, they would also make fun of me.

I also remember when I broke my ankle in 7th grade and had to use crutches. The kids either would sneakily steal my entire crutch and hide it in the room, or they would take the foam cushion piece off the top and pretend (I guess you should see this coming) it was a part of male anatomy, making obscene gestures with it and passing it around the class so I could not get it. (Especially since I had a broken ankle.)

It was just a horrible time in my life. Just lots of stupid, mean, petty things that made no rational sense to me, so not only did I take it personally, but I hated it because it was stupid, pointless, and unfair (since I was typically considerate of everyone regardless).

 

[prplchknz]

well i can say before 5th i don't know why i was shunned, but in 5th i got in trouble for biting a girl and than allegdely calling her nigger, i did bite her but i never said she was a nigger. but she is a bitch. and she said "bite me" after that I understood why.

 

[mrcockburn]

well i can say before 5th i don't know why i was shunned, but in 5th i got in trouble for biting a girl and than allegdely calling her nigger, i did bite her but i never said she was a nigger. but she is a bitch. and she said "bite me" after that I understood why.

hahaha, that's awesome... Literally biting someone when they ask for it.

 

[prplchknz]

I'm a very literal person someone says mangos in reference to breast i picture mangoes.

 

[King sns]

In elementary school, many of my peers called me "brain" and respected me for being smart and getting good grades.

It was ironic that as soon as I went to middle school, the attitude changed: Kids trying to feel more secure about themselves found many ways to put others down or present them as "uncool". My peers now would make fun of me if I got the highest grade, and if I didn't get the highest grade on something, they would also make fun of me.

I also remember when I broke my ankle in 7th grade and had to use crutches. The kids either would sneakily steal my entire crutch and hide it in the room, or they would take the foam cushion piece off the top and pretend (I guess you should see this coming) it was a part of male anatomy, making obscene gestures with it and passing it around the class so I could not get it. (Especially since I had a broken ankle.)

It was just a horrible time in my life. Just lots of stupid, mean, petty things that made no rational sense to me, so not only did I take it personally, but I hated it because it was stupid, pointless, and unfair (since I was typically considerate of everyone regardless).

It's so true. Those times make you stifle the most important parts of yourself. (Unless the most important parts of yourself happen to be excellence in beauty or athletics.)

 

[mrcockburn]

I certainly didn't have trouble with schoolwork....I had the opportunity to skip 2 grades.

I don't think my peers liked me. While I was never picked on, I was always naturally assertive and dominant, so I'd sort of will the kids into doing what I requested. Never a physical bully type, it's more that I just assumed control and used my "smart" reputation to do it.

Learning how to chill out and grow a bit of Fe is good for anyone.

 

[mrcockburn]

I'm a very literal person someone says mangos in reference to breast i picture mangoes.

Well no wonder! The correct term for breasts is melons.

 

[prplchknz]

Well no wonder! The correct term for breasts is melons.

I knew it started with an "m"

 

[chickpea]

my high school was big and was really divided by what level classes you were in. i was in honors/ap classes and the people in my classes mostly hung out with/associated with eachother. so there were like the smart rich popular kids and then the more typical jocky (mostly redneck) popular kids. the most picked on group at my school was probably the anime club because they wore cat ears and shit.

i def wouldnt say i was popular but i didnt get picked on or anything either. i had my group of friends and was fine with them.

 

[King sns]

I certainly didn't have trouble with schoolwork....I had the opportunity to skip 2 grades.

I don't think my peers liked me. While I was never picked on, I was always naturally assertive and dominant, so I'd sort of will the kids into doing what I requested. Never a physical bully type, it's more that I just assumed control and used my "smart" reputation to do it.

Learning how to chill out and grow a bit of Fe is good for anyone.

I was actually quite sweet and nice to people. (Until I toughened up a little, then the story changed). Most people liked me, and I had a lot of friends. I never understood the teasing for the smarts though. One guy at work asked me why I studied all the time. He was like, "well I have more fun." Which wasn't true at all. I just take in a lot of information all the time, and didn't spend that much time on schoolwork at home. You don't see me walking up to someone exceptionally beautiful and asking her why she brushes her hair all the time. I always felt like I was doing something wrong.

Actually, nowadays I get it at work sometimes, (though we're all adults, and the teasing is more gentle, and I can laugh along with them and tease them back for something else.)

 

[Thalassa]

I had this problem until like...the 7th grade. Middle of the 7th grade. After that I was completely accepted, I hung out with the preppy kids in 8th grade, then in 9th grade ditched the popular kids (they did not take it well, I don't think they dreamed it would ever happen, I just got up and walked away from our lunch table one day, they've still all friended me on facebook, yet another one just two days ago, apparently I'm a legend ) and started hanging out with a circle of people who more into art/drama/music like me, and I felt like I had a strong presence in that circle all through high school.

But yeah, I wasn't terribly popular in elementary school, though I did have friends. The grades of 5th and 6th, and then the first half of the 7th (when I changed schools! yay!) were HELL ON EARTH. I was such a fucking nerd back then tee hee.

But by high school my particular type of intelligence didn't even really apply to "the smart kids" anymore...I was more rebellious and on the fringes with the artsy types. I took AP classes, made a perfect score on the AP Lit exam, but graduated with a mere 2.7 GPA...it's not because I was repressing myself though, it's because I knew my intelligence was something beyond doing busy work and I sincerely didn't give a fuck from 10th grade on up, as long as I did well in the classes I cared about.

Then in college, I maintained a 3.9 GPA. But it just about killed me in terms of being so on top of things. I feel like I forced myself to be a J in college, and it eventually burned me out.

 

[FigerPuppet]

You're not cool, they said.

Nobody likes you, they said.

You suck, they said.

But they're dead now, so WHO SUCKS NOW!? YEAH, YOU DO. SUCK IT.

 

[Totenkindly]

It's so true. Those times make you stifle the most important parts of yourself. (Unless the most important parts of yourself happen to be excellence in beauty or athletics.)

Yeah, that was pretty much it. It sounds cliche, but the male athletes and the female beauties were in charge for those few years. (Things got a little better in high school. Part of the reason? Most of the preppy, snobbish kids with their crazy cliques attended the local private school rather stooping to attend public school... meaning we got rid of them. Thank goodness.)

I was also a "band fag." Although that was a name we even used for ourselves, tongue-in-cheek.

 

[cascadeco]

Yeah, that was pretty much it. It sounds cliche, but the male athletes and the female beauties were in charge for those few years.

Has this not how it's been throughout any decade/century/etc? I don't know why it 'has' to be that way, but it seems like it simply is. Re. the thread title itself, I think one can be very smart, and be 'cool', IF the same person is also skilled at athletics and/or socially confident and interested in leadership-type things - such as school council or the like. I can think of one guy in particular in my high school who was reasonably smart, but also very into sports and school council, AND good looking (by society's standards) -- so he kinda rode through and could be smart without being uncool. Same applied to a girl, who was kinda the female version of this guy (minus the sports, I guess).

I didn't feel particularly out of place or disliked in elementary school, although things started to get a little weirder by 6th grade. By that point some of my former friends had begun to ditch me in favor of the cheerleading types (or with one, went goth and of course I'm not goth-ish so..yeah. lol). And junior high, like it seems to be for most people with the exception of the bullies/and or extremely confident/arrogant kids/ kids good at sports, was kinda a nightmare. I was in the dorkiest group of all, and I knew it. Which made it worse. (yay for being aware of the social cliques and body language of everyone ) It boiled down to my having no confidence whatsoever, by this point.

By high school I had kinda closed myself off to everyone, and has already been mentioned, went about hiding most things about me that I knew would be uncool. (i.e. birdwatching, etc) Of course the ironic thing of all of this is IF one is confident about all of these weird things, and doesn't care, then they become basically impermeable to teasing, and in theory could make some of these weirder traits more 'cool'/acceptable if they were actually unabashedly solid in themselves - in a way. I just wasn't able to do that - as I did care, lol. I'm guessing most individuals aren't really able to be solid until adulthood - thus as adults all of these oddities become OK to externalize and not hide.

In h.s. I was still known as being really smart, but also universally described as quiet and also 'sweet'. I was also avoided, though (which I learned years after the fact), because people were afraid of my quietness and basically I was unapproachable. So a lot of it was self-imposed as well (but I couldn't have been anyone/anything different at the time, I don't think. It was what it was.) I was teased on occasion, which I internalized too much, but less so than in junior high. For the most part in h.s. I was pretty invisible.

 

[Fluffywolf]

The schools I have been to didn't really have this phenomenon, in general, the bullies were frowned upon by the masses of the kids, we even had anti-bully squads in our highschool, groups of last years protecting the freshmans, the outcasts were mostly accepted, and all sorts of cliques had there own space and freedom in a "Hey, whatever rocks your boat." kinda way.

I only remember one person in particular that fell out of the boat in my high school. It was this genius like fella and a total math lover, with a way too large backpack, always sitting around on the staircases reading books. But then again, he made no attempt to be a part of anything, so people generally treated him as weird.

I remember being very interested in him myself, and this lead to me and my friends talking to him occasionally, testing his mind like saying numbers, large numbers, and he would calculate the square root, pretty fast, with 3 decimal accuracy. It was pretty cool. I envied his ability to calculate off the top of his head at the time.

But every attempt me and my friends made to actually get to know him all awkwardly failed and we soon stopped trying. I think he was like "Why are you talking to me? I have better things to do.".