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  1. #1
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Default Demanding Fakeness

    My biggest pet peeve is when people impose on me to show happiness of excitement. There are subtle ways and not-so-subtle ways. No-so-subtly, people will ask me occasionally if I'm ok, why I'm not not smiling, why I'm not happy, why I look so sad, etc. Most of the time I'm actually just calm and reflecting on things which makes the inquiry not only imposing, but offensive, as if to say there's something wrong with not talking or not engaging. Fuck off. Even if I was sad, there are better ways to get a person to open up than to "accuse" them of violating social norms.

    Then of course there are the less obvious ways people demand artificiality:

    Validation requests. There people Some people will leave clues for you to validate them and show you how much you appreciate them. Even if you're not feeling it, their hints force you to seek or feign feelings that aren't necessarily there. These people lack a strong, stable self-image and need the validation of others to rid them of feelings of worthlessness.

    The "yay!!!!" and other tools.
    Watch a group of people when one of them starts to yay!, and the rest will start yay!ing with them. Yay!ing is a way of forcing others to mirror one's level of fake enthusiasm and return it. A failure to respond with another yay is often taken as a social rejection. Yay!ing, of course, is only one way people force energy levels to go up. Another way is through constant, stentorian laughter, post-joke glaring that force the listener to laugh, or even blasting techno music all day. These folks can't tolerate quiet and calm environments and need to pump the atmosphere with "positivity," even if it's contrived.

    It's interesting to see how people who are more dominant tend to reject these demands to approval or excitement, while submissives accede to these requests. I personally can't tolerate this (even when I make my own requests for validation), and think it's a great introvert-marker. It drains me like nothing else.

  2. #2
    you are right mippus's Avatar
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    Default

    Yes, that makes me want to smack their faces too
    It's like when you are reading a book or listening to your i-pod that people come and talk to you because they think it is so sad to be on your own like that... In a way they force you out of your activity then, and try to make you feel grateful for that "welcome rescue" ...
    Vanitas vanitatum omnia vanitas

  3. #3
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    HULK SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Indeed, mippus, indeed.

  4. #4
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Default

    When someone only "yay"s when they want to, it gives the exclamation more value. This is what the submissives do not realise. Not to say that I am not a submissive. I am not sure where I fall on the sub/dom continuum, assuming there is one. I get a sort of pleasure out of completely ignoring requests for validation. It might be passive aggressive of me, it might not be, but it it's a sign of neediness, and I have always discouraged that within my circle of family and friends.

  5. #5
    The elder Holmes Mycroft's Avatar
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    You've discovered that the social system is, indeed, a system.

    Why is that so irksome to you?
    Dost thou love Life? Then do not squander Time; for that's the Stuff Life is made of.

    -- Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, June 1746 --

  6. #6
    Per Ardua Metamorphosis's Avatar
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    "You don't talk much do you?"

    translation:

    "Why aren't you talking to me? "
    "You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit."

    Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office
    than to serve and obey them. - David Hume

  7. #7
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    it's a great introvert-marker. It drains me like nothing else.
    this is the cornerstone of my opinion on this issue...

    my external disposition is a diluted reflection of my internal world and falls within a small span of expressions.

    when i was younger, it was often suggested to me by others that my discrepancy in any social group was some sort of problem. over the past few years i have realized that my chilled out demeanor is not only not wrong, but preferential.

    i hate suggestion that i must mirror the general mood, and when people inquire me about such i usually explain myself quite clearly. in the past, after that didnt work, i might have given a half-assed smile so they would leave me alone, now i understand that it is their issue, not mine - "no, i explained myself, that's how it is, youll get over it"

    my poker face and monotone voice is often disconcerting to others, but that doesnt bother me anymore. i dont have the energy to deal with people who think they know what im thinking

  8. #8
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dana View Post
    When someone only "yay"s when they want to, it gives the exclamation more value. This is what the submissives do not realise. Not to say that I am not a submissive. I am not sure where I fall on the sub/dom continuum, assuming there is one. I get a sort of pleasure out of completely ignoring requests for validation. It might be passive aggressive of me, it might not be, but it it's a sign of neediness, and I have always discouraged that within my circle of family and friends.
    I've tried to decide whether my discomfort comes from a discomfort with neediness, or an unwillingness to compromise myself for that neediness. Maybe it's both. Either way, I hear ya. I ignore the requests in my friends too, in order to demonstrate that it's okay to be bored or sad and that one doesn't have to feign excitement.

    Unfortunately, when I'm in relationships, I tend to create excitement or laughter to fill in gaps of silence because in my warped fragile little mind, silence bodes distance. It's common on first dates, but I don't transition out of that stage very well. *shrug*

  9. #9
    you are right mippus's Avatar
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    ... still I see many introverts that demand the same amount of applause...
    Vanitas vanitatum omnia vanitas

  10. #10
    mrs disregard's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    I've tried to decide whether my discomfort comes from a discomfort with neediness, or an unwillingness to compromise myself for that neediness. Maybe it's both. Either way, I hear ya. I ignore the requests in my friends too, in order to demonstrate that it's okay to be bored or sad and that one doesn't have to feign excitement.

    Unfortunately, when I'm in relationships, I tend to create excitement or laughter to fill in gaps of silence because in my warped fragile little mind, silence bodes distance. It's common on first dates, but I don't transition out of that stage very well. *shrug*
    I think it's both. Such an obvious request gets under my skin because we both know what you're doing.

    Ah... I have the opposite problem. I don't like to create excitement or laughter until I am comfortable in my skin around the person. I make a pretty awkward first date

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