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  1. #31
    you are right mippus's Avatar
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    agree. It may even serve the group on a mid-term basis since it is about norms, and people may well adapt to such norms...
    Vanitas vanitatum omnia vanitas

  2. #32
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Interesting...

    If it came from genuine concern, I really wouldn't have a problem with it. The problem I see is that the inquiries or comments or requests emanate from an insecure and intolerant mindset that I prefer to distance myself from. I don't tolerate insecurity and neediness very well. I should learn, methinks.
    That, or investing your life in a future of hermitage.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    That, or investing your life in a future of hermitage.
    It is possible to find others who value sincerity. It is also possible to be a example to others to show sincerity over fakeness. Groups are made of individuals and that is the only way a group can change or heal, one individual at a time.

  4. #34
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    It is possible to find others who value sincerity. It is also possible to be a example to others to show sincerity over fakeness. Groups are made of individuals and that is the only way a group can change or heal, one individual at a time.
    I so can't disagree with this philosophy, true that!!!
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  5. #35
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    It is possible to find others who value sincerity. It is also possible to be a example to others to show sincerity over fakeness.
    *comfortable sincerity

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    Interesting...

    If it came from genuine concern, I really wouldn't have a problem with it. The problem I see is that the inquiries or comments or requests emanate from an insecure and intolerant mindset that I prefer to distance myself from. I don't tolerate insecurity and neediness very well. I should learn, methinks.
    More and more, I don't care about people's motivations. I'm getting old; I just want to have fun. I'm into easy solutions to minor problems, and then seeing where that takes me. For example, responding to and chatting with those nosy extraverts who make those comments or requests; sometimes they actually turn out to be okay people.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grayscale View Post
    *comfortable sincerity
    Of course I don't mean losing all tact or sensitivity, I just mean letting go of the joy addict type stuff, all the smiling depressives running around, smiling all day and crying inside, alone and trapped.

  8. #38
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    That, or investing your life in a future of hermitage.
    I have my own neediness issues. In trying to deal with them, I've noticed that self-criticism really doesn't work, since the decision to change something reinforces the relative value system that anxiety is built on to begin with; more specifically, my motivation to "fix" my issues emanates from the same place as the issues themselves: a fear that if I don't get my shit together and form a connection, the relationship will dematerialize. One of the best solutions to this dilemma is in tolerating my own shortcomings, or at least being patient with my own progress and journey. Learning how to tolerate those shortcomings in others is a great way to develop self-compassion.

    (Super-serious response to a joke-reply, I know, but whatever... don't impose on me! HAHAHAHA! (Shit, now I'm laughing.).)
    Last edited by ThatsWhatHeSaid; 03-24-2008 at 02:54 AM. Reason: , --> ;

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    More and more, I don't care about people's motivations. I'm getting old; I just want to have fun. I'm into easy solutions to minor problems, and then seeing where that takes me. For example, responding to and chatting with those nosy extraverts who make those comments or requests; sometimes they actually turn out to be okay people.
    I am sure they are okay people, that's not my objection to them. I just don't always have the energy to expend out a bubbly persona and I don't always have the energy to make them party to what is going on in my mind at the moment. I reach out when I do have the energy, but if it is not there, it is not there and it doesn't mean I am mad or sad and I wish more people could accept this at face value.

    It also doesn't help that everytime some shooter goes off, the first thing that is said about them is that they were quiet people!

  10. #40
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    I have my own neediness issues. In trying to deal with them, I've noticed that self-criticism really doesn't work, since the decision to change something reinforces the relative value system that anxiety is built on to begin with; more specifically, my motivation to "fix" my issues emanates from the same place as the issues themselves: a fear that if I don't get my shit together and form a connection, the relationship will dematerialize. One of the best solutions to this dilemma is in tolerating my own shortcomings, or at least being patient with my own progress and journey. Learning how to tolerate those shortcomings in others is a great way to develop self-compassion.
    Great post!!!

    I think part of the reason why I happen to be such a great "people person", is the fact that I am very cognizant, understanding, and accepting of myself, and all of my myriad issues. For some reason, as you mentioned above, this directly correlates with one's ability to be compassionate with others.

    Coolness!!!
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

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