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  1. #21
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Forcing others to be fake?!?!?!?

    That sounds/seems god awful!!!

    I never feel like people are forcing me to be fake, maybe when I was a kid or something, but now? Never.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  2. #22
    Earth Exalted Thursday's Avatar
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    To commemerate this thread
    an excerpt from
    Laura Marling's " My Manic and I "

    " I cant control you I don't know you well
    these are the reasons I think that you're ill. "


    YouTube - Laura Marling - My Manic And I
    I N V I C T U S

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by CaptainChick View Post
    I never feel like people are forcing me to be fake, maybe when I was a kid or something, but now? Never.
    Even at work? Just curious. Work can be the worst about it.

    Edit: The worst is the office chat, not the work!

  4. #24
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    When I was younger, I was much like the OP. I really resented being interrupted and asked what I was thinking about or why I looked sad, or being prompted to smile.

    Nowadays, I've resolved that problem by treating the situation as an opportunity for a brain dump: I tell the other person what I was thinking about right at that moment. Sometimes I have to clean it up or be general so as not to shock or be socially inappropriate, but in general I really do tell them what was on my mind, sort of as an anecdote. Even to total strangers.

    And usually people are interested. It reassures them that I'm not in a foul mood because of them; and it makes me seem more transparent (and therefore non-threatening) because they see me opening up easily to them on demand. And personally I kind of have fun with it. It's kind of a surprise to me what comes out sometimes.

    But that's how I've resolved that situation as I've gotten older. Furthermore, it suggests to me an answer as to why that situation was such a problem when I was younger. It was because I imagined some kind of high barrier or wall between "me" and "them" that I felt shouldn't be breached. Now that I've gotten in the habit of breaching it, I find it's kind of fun to let people in on my thought processes. I think it gets back to the "self-monitoring" thread, and perhaps concerns the issue of what we consider our "true self" (and how zealously we guard it from the outside world).

    Just my two cents, of course. Oh well, off to bed.:zzz:

  5. #25
    Senior Member Grayscale's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    what is the purpose of forcing others to fake? Is it just something that serves to quell the Forcer's concerns and worries, or does it also serve the GROUP well being (on a short-term basis) by masking hostilities?
    people dont like reality. to expand on the explanation of my aforementioned demeanor, whenever i fill someone the reality of something/someone as i see it, the response is often times negative.

    the reality of most social situations is that everyone is not feeling the same thing... happy, sad, etc. a realistic person accepts things for what they are and nothing more.

  6. #26
    `~~Philosoflying~~` SillySapienne's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    Even at work? Just curious. Work can be the worst about it.
    hahaha

    I don't know how I manage it, but even in a working environment, I am able to keep it real.

    My last job was at an incredibly busy, high-end pastry shop, where 50% of the clientele were complete stuck up a-holes, and even though I have a generally positive disposition, the second a client was overly rude, or disrespectful, I'd calmly, emotionally return what I was being given.

    Nine out of ten times if you stand up to a jerk, they tend to flip the script on you and become damn near overly nice.

    I was lucky, in a way, to have been raised with a bully as a sister. BULLIES HATE BEING BULLIED!!!

    But in general, I loathe being fake and avoid situations where I *have* to be, i.e. dealing with close friend's and S.O.'s family members, etc.
    `
    'Cause you can't handle me...

    "A lie is a lie even if everyone believes it. The truth is the truth even if nobody believes it." - David Stevens

    "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is."

    Veritatem dies aperit

    Ride si sapis

    Intelligentle sparkles

  7. #27
    Senior Member ThatsWhatHeSaid's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    But that's how I've resolved that situation as I've gotten older. Furthermore, it suggests to me an answer as to why that situation was such a problem when I was younger. It was because I imagined some kind of high barrier or wall between "me" and "them" that I felt shouldn't be breached. Now that I've gotten in the habit of breaching it, I find it's kind of fun to let people in on my thought processes. I think it gets back to the "self-monitoring" thread, and perhaps concerns the issue of what we consider our "true self" (and how zealously we guard it from the outside world).
    Interesting...

    If it came from genuine concern, I really wouldn't have a problem with it. The problem I see is that the inquiries or comments or requests emanate from an insecure and intolerant mindset that I prefer to distance myself from. I don't tolerate insecurity and neediness very well. I should learn, methinks.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatsWhatHeSaid View Post
    That brings up another question: what is the purpose of forcing others to fake? Is it just something that serves to quell the Forcer's concerns and worries, or does it also serve the GROUP well being (on a short-term basis) by masking hostilities?
    I think it is both.

  9. #29

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    Quote Originally Posted by FineLine View Post
    When I was younger, I was much like the OP. I really resented being interrupted and asked what I was thinking about or why I looked sad, or being prompted to smile.
    Ditto. I'm not sure if it's fakeness that really bothers me. I just get annoyed when people ask me what's wrong or tell me to cheer up. Apparently my default facial expression when at rest is a scowl or a sourpuss. So all it means is I'm mentally engaged, not sad. But everyone thinks I'm like this
    Everybody have fun tonight. Everybody Wang Chung tonight.

    Johari
    /Nohari

  10. #30
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    I've noticed that I tend to treat everyone the same. I think it has to do with how I was raised, and the cultural influences my extended family had on me. People respond well to tactful bluntness, IME. Perhaps blunt is the wrong word.. honesty? One-facedness? Some people like it, some don't, but those that do are usually my cuppa tea.

    Edit: err.. does this post have anything to do with the thread? I think I need some sleep.

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