Parents Rationalize the Economic Cost of Children by Exaggerating Their Parental Joy?

[ThatGirl]

People forget that kids can do useful stuff like wash the car and dishes. "This isn't a hotel you know"

Yes! How did I miss that?

 

[Lightyear]

More like scienz!

Sometimes when you try to quantify an experience in order to study it, you strip it of the very intangibles driving the behavior and thus arrive at a wrong or misdirected answer.

Yup di dup! Very much agree.

 

[Red Herring]

So when you stress the costs of a decision somebody has made he or she will get more defensive than when you mention both the costs and the benefits? I am amazed.

This does remind me of another study where they interviewed parents at very short intervals to see how stressed/relaxed and happy/unhappy they were feeling at the particular moment. No suprise they were on average more stressed out and worried than the child free control group. But they showed more overall satisfaction with their lifes despite objectively being constantly more stressed out.

The conducters of the OP study might call that a delusion. But you could just as well say that there are benefits related to how you feel when you look back at your life (what do you regret and what are you glad you did?) or when you consider your overall position in life. it is in this big picture ledger of happiness that children seem to be a big plus.

 

[rav3n]

Economics explains parent/child relationships about as well as chemistry explains music.

Economics has physics envy!

 

[Red Herring]

 

[Tamske]

Heh. You can take any two variables and try to find a link between it. But of course, a link doesn't automatically mean the one thing causes the other. There is a famous example of this: in the years 1970, both the number of storks and the number of infants born declined heavily in Sweden. Does that mean storks bring children? Or was there something else - pollution maybe?

I think parental joy has a much simpler explanation. Genetics. Any genetic combination which results in more successful offspring is likely to get spread more. We're genetically engineered (read: evolved) to be happy parents.

 

[highlander]

All of my girlfriends who have kids tell me never to have children.

I'm not sure that's very good advice. Why do they say that?

 

[OrangeAppled]

I'm not sure that's very good advice. Why do they say that?

Oh, they're just stressed out. I know they love their kids & likely don't truly regret having them, but I also think they long for the freedom of their childless days (including the financial freedom). They also already know I don't want or plan on having kids, so they're just reinforcing the positive aspects of my decision.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

Economics explains parent/child relationships about as well as chemistry explains music.

like.

People forget that kids can do useful stuff like wash the car and dishes. "This isn't a hotel you know"

chores. yuck. but perhaps the only reason i may consider children.

completely kidding.




how about this one... the cost input of dating and over exaggeration of spousal bliss?

this whole study is ridiculous. of course money stresses everyone out, and for some, this is perhaps one of the reasons as to why they won't ever have children. but for those that do desire a family, they're completely entitled to feel stressed out occasionally. but this isn't necessarily a sign that one is unhappy with family life.

 

[Thalassa]

I don't know. I believe some people really are...obsessed with children. I never related to these people - some men, but mainly women - I was like, yeah, well you knock yourself out with that.

One of my cousins actually said when we were teenagers she'd rather have kids without a husband than a husband without kids.

Some people may exaggerate, but I think some people are ALL ABOUT being parents, like they think they're alive to be parents. Whatever.

 

[Thalassa]

Also, one point I forgot to add, I have seen people spend thousands of dollars on vet bill. Trying to cure their 18 year old dog of cancer and crap (which I would never do). I wonder if they are just pretending wanting to be a pet owner as well...

This is an excellent point. I almost had a nervous breakdown when someone hit my cat with their car and he didn't die, and his back legs were broken and I had to put him to sleep.

I guess my love of cats has replaced my love for children. Just kidding, I love my nieces and nephews, and haven't ruled out the possibility of maybe having one if I find the right person and settle down and they want that too. But that's the thing - I don't want it bad enough to have a kid if I don't meet the right person, or if he doesn't want to be a father. I mean if I found the right person, and he didn't want to be a dad, I think I'd be okay with that. I'd rather be with someone I loved than marry a guy I didn't love as much just so I could have a father for my children.

 

[Thalassa]

All of my girlfriends who have kids tell me never to have children.

Ha! I have one of those friends. I'm pretty certain she's INFJ. Whenever we would go somewhere and she had to bring her daughter with us, she would look at me and quietly, evenly say, "Marm, don't ever have children. Just don't."

 

[InvisibleJim]

Do people rationalize their fear of having children with economic calculations?

Yes.

 

[Magic Poriferan]

I remember reading an article that likened parents to junkies, and over-all, I agreed with it. Being a parent causes terrible stress, the reasons aren't all economic. Research on the matter, to my knowledge, generally indicates that parents are more stressful and less happy on average than non-parents. However, the fleeting moments of joy and satisfaction are the parts parents tend to remember, at least enough to drive them to keep putting up with the burden just for the next rush. You know, like a junkie.

I don't know. I believe some people really are...obsessed with children. I never related to these people - some men, but mainly women - I was like, yeah, well you knock yourself out with that.

One of my cousins actually said when we were teenagers she'd rather have kids without a husband than a husband without kids.

My mom.

 

[CzeCze]

Is kinda like the "sunk cost fallacy"...nah that'd be depressing.

 

[Octarine]

You know, like a junkie.

Parents hanging out for their next Oxytocin hit?

 

[Idealatious]

Parents hanging out for their next Oxytocin hit?

Heh. You can take any two variables and try to find a link between it. But of course, a link doesn't automatically mean the one thing causes the other. There is a famous example of this: in the years 1970, both the number of storks and the number of infants born declined heavily in Sweden. Does that mean storks bring children? Or was there something else - pollution maybe?

I think parental joy has a much simpler explanation. Genetics. Any genetic combination which results in more successful offspring is likely to get spread more. We're genetically engineered (read: evolved) to be happy parents.

Correlation != causation. It's drilled into me from many, many psychology lessons.

Genetics? Partially, I'm sure... So, since the goal of the gene is to propagate, humans have generally evolved to biologically feel rewarded when we have babies. That makes sense, although societal factors matter too. I wonder if this implies that people who don't want kids are not evolutionarily fit. What does that say about personality types who are less likely to have kids? Why do some people ignore their biological need to pass along their genes? Is this a good thing? I'm sure there are statistics showing that some types are less likely to have children, so now I am thinking about what life events/situations tend to correspond with these people, and if this is a good thing. I saw in the NT forum someone who saw having children to be a us-or-them mentality -"I'd better bring some kids into this world because my awesome genes need passing on." ha ha! Hey; I wonder if there have been studies of parent/child and personality types to see if there is any correlation.

...Whoops, that got kind of random. I'm just thinking to myself about why people want to have kids (since I don't; it's a bit hard to understand fully) and what factors come into play.

 

[Tiltyred]

It's hormonal. Wait a few years and it passes.

 

[Lily flower]

I think they are confusing happiness with satisfaction. Children are often a lot of hard work, so you don't necessarily feel "happy," because of them. But when you look at your life and what you want to accomplish, knowing that you have loved and nurtured someone is amazingly satisfying. I know that my life would feel very empty if I did not have children.