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  1. #21

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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    what's wrong with me? is it the promises they make but ultimately fail to keep. Is it the denial that anythings wrong until i've invested time in them? Is it the want to have friends but not having the confidence to make actual friends?

    and by manipulative I do mean manipulative but also controlling
    Maybe you like a challenge.

  2. #22
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Every one keeps mentioning how it's I want to change/rescue someone, and that's not the case at all.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #23

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    That isn't what I meant. Maybe you like a challenge. How much can I take.

  4. #24
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    perhaps, I really don't know I just am so torn, because I know there are genuinely good people out there but I keep becoming friends with toxic people that it's almost like I should give up on having friends. And I don't want to, but if I'm going to keep doing this maybe it's for the best.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  5. #25
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    I've been there at least once or twice. I cared for their needs more than my own, and I could always rationalize their behavior--not denying in a "this person didn't mean it" sort of way. Rather, it was a misplaced compassion, a thought process along the lines of "they've had a hard life, and(/or), dammit, everyone deserves forgiveness, and everyone deserves friends."

    For me, it was a responsibility issue--I took responsibility for their well-being.

    I guess there are many reasons that one would fall victim to manipulative behavior. The manipulative people will travel the path of least resistance. Once you stand up, they move on to someone else.

    And even then, the fact that someone else is invariably going to be a victim is pretty tragic.


    When one has been dealt major blows by a few people, it's natural and completely okay to have a guard up as one approaches new friendships. Finding quality people is tough, and it's easy to lose oneself in the process.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    Every one keeps mentioning how it's I want to change/rescue someone, and that's not the case at all.
    Maybe some people are projecting themselves on to you. ENFPs I think have an odd way of wanting to make people into projects, to help reach that inner potential under all of their rage/shitty behavior/heroin addiction. Oh man - between the ages of roughly 16 and 26 I was utterly convinced I could "love" people out of their damaging childhoods and what-not.

    A friend or lover is no replacement for years of professional counseling.

    In your case, why do you think you do it?

  7. #27
    nee andante bechimo's Avatar
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    We can all guess away and never hit the mark without knowing the people or getting some form of description from you. The easiest way to figure out why you're drawn to manipulative people is by figuring out the similarities between all of them.

    One of the traits you display on TypeC is that you're a loose cannon, looking to alleviate boredom in any way, at any expense, even others. Is it possible that manipulative people, since they're chameleon like, appear to be more interesting because they change faces all the time? Are you confusing depth/complexity with manipulation/disingenuity?

  8. #28
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    Maybe some people are projecting themselves on to you. ENFPs I think have an odd way of wanting to make people into projects, to help reach that inner potential under all of their rage/shitty behavior/heroin addiction. Oh man - between the ages of roughly 16 and 26 I was utterly convinced I could "love" people out of their damaging childhoods and what-not.

    A friend or lover is no replacement for years of professional counseling.

    In your case, why do you think you do it?
    I have a hard time connecting with people, always have, probably always so it's always the other person connecting with me.
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  9. #29
    Senior Member KDude's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    I have a hard time connecting with people, always have, probably always so it's always the other person connecting with me.
    As cool as it is that someone makes that effort, just try to take a wait and see approach from now on. Remember the things important to you. Don't let some new opportunity from the outside be your only option for what's attractive and exciting. If you already have some good friends or interests to fall back on, remind yourself of them and go about your way. If that person is cool, they might show up again, and you can slowly see if they're worth your time or not.

    OTOH, maybe that's not everyone's style. Some people go their whole lives getting caught up in things they don't need.. yet they keep doing it. You can be one of them if you want. But if you don't want it, start with having your own alternatives. And if you can, work on introducing yourself to people you've considered cool by your own standards. Don't let those people pass you by, and then hang out with these others. It doesn't make any sense.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by prplchknz View Post
    what's wrong with me? is it the promises they make but ultimately fail to keep. Is it the denial that anythings wrong until i've invested time in them? Is it the want to have friends but not having the confidence to make actual friends?

    and by manipulative I do mean manipulative but also controlling
    "He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged." - Benjamin Franklin

    What you are doing is a pretty common occurrence - you are favoring people in your life who you have done something nice for, and probably downplaying people who have done nice things for you.

    Edit: The fix for this is to value your time, and when someone makes no effort to give back, consider them no longer worth your precious and valuable time and give them the boot.
    Last edited by Udog; 04-17-2011 at 11:08 AM. Reason: typo

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