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  1. #21
    Superwoman Red Herring's Avatar
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    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inner_child

    It's mostly a pop psych concept, but an intuitively plausible one.
    The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge. Neither love without knowledge, nor knowledge without love can produce a good life. - Bertrand Russell
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  2. #22
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Red Herring View Post
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Inner_child
    It's mostly a pop psych concept, but an intuitively plausible one.
    Yeah, despite the pop factor, it was kind of helpful to me in the early days of therapy.

    One of my issues is that I can be hyper-responsible and excruciatingly hard on myself. My therapist asked me to look at how hard I worked to parent my own children in a balanced and loving fashion (rather than just being scathingly critical), then asked me why I treated myself so much more unfairly and severely than I treated them.

    We spent a few sessions actively having me imagine my child-self and then "parenting her" as I would parent my own kids. While it was something I had dabbled with informally, it was odd that someone giving me permission to do that seemed to really allow me to engage that vision; and then being able to step outside of myself and really look at my child-self objectively and apply all the life knowledge I had accumulated into parenting my younger self, well, it really really helped.

    And it worked well, because it used resources and skills I had already accumulated, but that I had just not allowed myself to apply to me.

    The validity of this experience comes in the reality that I was judging myself even as an adult by the standards that I felt like the authorities over me were judging me against when I was a child... and as a child would, I was either trying to meet those standards as an adult or rebel against them in child-like ways, rather than embracing my current status as an adult... which meant I had autonomy and power to set my own standards based on my own concepts of fairness and well-being. So, in a way, I was taking over the mantle of "authority" and redefining it for that child self, so that I could work through those insecurities under the supervision of a "parent who cared" (i.e., me). It's almost a nice little time-travel loop, but it can help break that slavery to old negative parenting and help one establish new standards for oneself that foster self-respect and acceptance.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

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  3. #23
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Yeah, despite the pop factor, it was kind of helpful to me in the early days of therapy.

    One of my issues is that I can be hyper-responsible and excruciatingly hard on myself. My therapist asked me to look at how hard I worked to parent my own children in a balanced and loving fashion (rather than just being scathingly critical), then asked me why I treated myself so much more unfairly and severely than I treated them.

    We spent a few sessions actively having me imagine my child-self and then "parenting her" as I would parent my own kids. While it was something I had dabbled with informally, it was odd that someone giving me permission to do that seemed to really allow me to engage that vision; and then being able to step outside of myself and really look at my child-self objectively and apply all the life knowledge I had accumulated into parenting my younger self, well, it really really helped.

    And it worked well, because it used resources and skills I had already accumulated, but that I had just not allowed myself to apply to me.

    The validity of this experience comes in the reality that I was judging myself even as an adult by the standards that I felt like the authorities over me were judging me against when I was a child... and as a child would, I was either trying to meet those standards as an adult or rebel against them in child-like ways, rather than embracing my current status as an adult... which meant I had autonomy and power to set my own standards based on my own concepts of fairness and well-being. So, in a way, I was taking over the mantle of "authority" and redefining it for that child self, so that I could work through those insecurities under the supervision of a "parent who cared" (i.e., me). It's almost a nice little time-travel loop, but it can help break that slavery to old negative parenting and help one establish new standards for oneself that foster self-respect and acceptance.
    +1 . Very well put Jen, it can be a tough old road to return to but was worthwhile for me too.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  4. #24
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    I've actually went through this site that talked about the inner child. Some strong stuff came from reading it.

    Especially this
    What messages did the "inner child" need to hear, but which went unsaid?
    When the "inner child" climbed inside you it probably was hoping to hear:
    * I love you, I care about you and I accept you just the way you are.
    * I am so proud of you and all that you are.
    * I am so happy you are my child.
    * You are so beautiful and attractive.
    * You are so bright and talented.
    * You are so artistic and creative.
    * You are such a good worker.
    * I am sorry I hurt you.
    * I am sorry I neglected you.
    * I am sorry I forgot you.
    * I am sorry I ignored you.
    * I am sorry I took you for granted.
    * I am sorry I made you grow up so fast.
    * I am sorry I had to rely on you so much.
    * You can trust me to take care of you.
    * You can trust me to be there for you.
    * You can trust me to protect you from any hurt or pain.
    * I will get help for myself and for the family.
    * We will work at getting healthy together.
    * We will have healthy fun and play together.

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