Are people as rude and rotten on forums, IRL?

[Santosha]

Yep, just what the question asks.

I love this forum. There are alot of good discussions that take place, and I really enjoy seeing so many different ideas and different people. I am here to learn, it's that simple. Socializing is nice, but I reserve most of my light-hearted socializing for my real life relations, and come here for a deeper discussion and understanding. In the hustle and bustle of real life, it can be hard to find the time for the amount of deep discussion that a forum like this holds.

With that said, I am astonished at some of the personal attacks that seem to take place when ideas are challenged. I know that this is somewhat typical for forums, but I had made an assumption that the kinds of people that would follow jung, mbti, philosophy, psychology, and the human condition, would have a most basic understanding of healthy and unhealthy human interaction. Biting remarks, personal attacks, and in some threads, flat out verbal abuse.. is just mind boggling to me. If you think someone is an idiot, their ideas flawed, is it not more productive to dig deeply at the idea at hand or refrain from comment? Yet every day, I observe different memebers that in one thread *seem* to be very insightful turn around and lash out at someone in another thread. It's immature, unproductive, and unbecoming at best. Anyone thats studied psychology should understand that you must provide a safe, nonjudgemental haven for others to reveal the depths of their psyche.

I am not advocating that ideas or even behaviors should not be challenged, quite the contrary. But there is (imo) an approach that lifts, guides, discovers, clarifies, and opens people up to further understanding, and an approach that shuts people down. When I see people shutting others down (regardless of how idiotic, annoying, or wrong that other might be) it pisses me off. I believe its a dis service to this site, and humans in general.

With that said, I am curious if this rude, rotten, "shutting one down" behavior is exaggerated online simply because we can hide behind a monitor, an avatar, a username, and log-off and away from any real consequence to our words.

Do you think people are as rude in RL as they are on forums?

 

[Jaguar]

I once got accused of "supporting pedophiles." Why? I disagreed with someone's argument. Logical, right?

 

[RDF]

Popular culture tells us we should be "outraged" when we see certain opinions (esp. political views) expressed. Popular culture also tells us that only certain people can have opinions on certain things (gender politics, ethnic politics) and that all others should be shouted down as not knowing what they are talking about. And so on.

The forums are a microcosm of the world at large. If a subject is touchy in the outside world, then it's going to be touchy on the forums. So posters who want to avoid excessive outrage and shouting tend to avoid certain specific forums and subjects. Do that, and you can enjoy a relatively conflict-free experience here.

 

[prplchknz]

I once got accused of "supporting pedophiles." Why? I disagreed with someone's argument. Logical, right?

I've never been accused of that, but I have been called histronic and borderline.

 

[Jonny]

If your question is asking if people are as rude irl as they are on forums, most assuredly not.

... this rude, rotten, "shutting one down" behavior is exaggerated online simply because we can hide behind a monitor, an avatar, a username, and log-off and away from any real consequence to our words.

This. Also, sympathy and empathy take a nosedive when you cannot see someone face to face. Facial expressions do wonders for facilitating kindness and harmony.

 

[King sns]

Nah, we're all just generally insightful yet rude and rotten people. In real life, I get into all these controversial conversations and I find myself making similar faces like and and then sometimes I get really fired up and forget all my social graces... and then I think, "man, this is just like the forum."

My workplace. My home. We just break out in superiority fights left and right.

 

[Giggly]

Just reading the title of this thread, no. There aren't even 1/3 as many consequences to acting out on the internet and on forums as there are in real life. Social interactions online vs. in real life are much different. You'll see a lot more acting out online.

 

[Thalassa]

IRL I'm principally known to be sweet and nice and tolerant, I tend to be open to other people's ideas, and usually I just ignore people or pretend to agree with them even if I think they're annoying or stupid.

Oh, but I really hate free-market capitalists, and it's A VERY REAL THING. It hurts people. I fucking hate it. I have no tolerance or respect for it. Those "ideas" take a shape that actually affects other human beings. I also give people the finger when they try to run over pedestrians at cross walks. I don't put up with any shit. Ask my mother.

Your "morality policing" appears to be telling people how they should talk to each other (and I'm not so sure I agree with you). My "morality policing" involves telling assholes where to get off. Welcome to being an NF.

 

[Stigmata]

Do you think people are as rude in RL as they are on forums?

9 out of 10 times the answer is no. The anonymity of the internet allows users to both embrace different aspects of their existing personality, or create an entirely new one, without ever having to face real repercussions for their actions. This allows to respond in ways that, for whatever reason, they couldn't do so in real life, and thus forums become an outlet for those neglected areas. The emotionally immature are much more likely to exploit this than more well-rounded individuals.

 

[Orangey]

Your "morality policing" appears to be telling people how they should talk to each other (and I'm not so sure I agree with you).

Yeah, that pretty much sums up the thread (and my feelings about it.)

 

[Santosha]

Yeah, that pretty much sums up the thread (and my feelings about it.)

What are the benefits of personal attacks and "shutting one down?"

 

[Stigmata]

What are the benefits of personal attacks and "shutting one down?"

It's not about benefits, it's about ability, and the internet granting you the ability to choose with no repercussion. There's nothing to be gained whether you're polite or tactless in your approach, thus people choose the latter because they're forced to deal with the former in their daily lives.

 

[Elfboy]

I certainly hope people don't put words in each others' mouths and replace logical argument with ad homenem as much as goes on on this forum. it's quite digusting really

 

[Jaguar]

The anonymity of the internet allows users to both embrace different aspects of their existing personality, or create an entirely new one . . .

And yet people are actually "typing" forum members, while completely ignoring that.

 

[Thalassa]

What are the benefits of personal attacks and "shutting one down?"

I think a lot of times people "get to know each other" on the forum and things become personal, people make scathing remarks to one another, not unlike an early 20th century British novel.

And when people start "shutting" me "down" first, it's on. I'm attempting to walk away more and more, but only because I don't want to get in trouble or waste my energy on something pointless, not because I care so much about douchebags who attack me for their own amusement, or because they think they're superior for some strange reason.

A lot of people don't want to be called out on their loathesome behavior, even if what they're saying is nauseatingly cruel or obnoxious, and they'll whine about there being no such thing as right or wrong. I'm going to have to disagree with that. Wrong does exist. Some people need to be stopped. That's that.

 

[Santosha]

It's not about benefits, it's about ability, and the internet granting you the ability to choose with no repercussion. There's nothing to be gained whether you're polite or tactless in your approach, thus people choose the latter because they're forced to deal with the former in their daily lives.

Do most people reveal their thoughts or feelings when they risk a harsh, negative responce? Some probably do. I'd venture to say that most people do not. On a psychology focused forum, I think this is a loss. It is a loss of all information that may have developed if said person had not been shut down.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

I've never been accused of that, but I have been called histronic and borderline.

I was called homophobic and implied to be a misogynist.

 

[Betty Blue]

I think it pretty much mirrors society in all but one main factor which is physical. (physical intimidation, physical prowess, physical attraction) etc etc. So it basically boils down to transfering those additional physical attributes to verbal/text ones.
I imagine this makes it much harder for some to argue and very much easier for others. Of course it is tremendously more complex than this, it's just a small part of it.
Appologies if this has already been mentioned.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

Unknown. Depends on the individual. With the anonymity comes the freedom to say w.e you want, with very little consequence.

Personally, I'm not myself on the forum/vent. Completely different in real life. I don't know what it is about the internet that makes me so loud/obnoxious. I'm actually rather "serious" irl in comparison to YWIR, I lack patience to be so "playful"...

I think most people come online to troll, and just have fun, and be someone "different", since it has no real consequence.

This is why I don't really understand why some people take the forum so seriously, and sometimes, even personally.

 

[kyuuei]

I was called homophobic and implied to be a misogynist.

I don't see much of a difference between how I act on here and how I act IRL. Though I am sure there are people who feel braver with confrontation online than they do irl.