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  1. #41
    Senior Member INTP's Avatar
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    its really hard if i dont mean it.
    "Where wisdom reigns, there is no conflict between thinking and feeling."
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  2. #42

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    I grew up with a mother that never apologized for anything, no matter how deranged. I'm naturally an apologetic person (does that make sense?), but I had to teach myself to say aloud "I'm sorry" when I was feeling it. I probably didn't start working on that till 18 or 19, which seems pretty late in life to start, but better late than never.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  3. #43
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    I am overly apologetic It isnt just about words, but my entire world-if I can shift slightly to allow another a bit more room to be comfortable, I will do so. The apology gives them that space.

    I did work for an ESTJ who told me-never apologize for anything. She played a tough game, highly political, but very good at getting results.

  4. #44
    Courage is immortality Valiant's Avatar
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    It's easy to say and mean if I am wrong. If I am not wrong, then I won't say it. I'd probably do it at gunpoint, but not otherwise.
    If I am have to be diplomatic i'll go with the "i'm sorry for the situation" or "i'm sorry you feel that way".
    But, well. If I am right, which is most of the time, I won't bother.
    I usually apologize when I feel that I have hurt someone, because it makes me feel like shit if I care anything for the person.

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  5. #45
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    I will always say it when I'm wrong and an apology is appropriate, and I will often say it if I'm not wrong and an apology isn't that appropriate. I attribute this to being both INFJ and Canadian.

    Seriously, I don't really understand why so many people find it so difficult to say...but then I suppose there are things which I find difficult to say and others don't.
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  6. #46
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    I do not find it difficult at all. Even if i'm not entirely sorry. E.g i shouted at my SO and said some home truths.
    I appologised for shouting because i lost control and it wasn't fair on that person to put up with me shouting but i would also explain that i'm not sorry for the words i have said but then explain it more diplomatically.
    I'm pretty big on talking in general, getting things out into the open and discussing, sorry is not difficult.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  7. #47
    Senior Member Greta's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Why is it so hard for some people to say "I'm sorry" and mean it? I know overly apologetic people are annoying as hell, but this is not the thread to rant about them. I'm more perplexed by the people who can never apologize. I once heard someone say "Never apologize, even if you're wrong", and this person never apologizes either. I know several people like this. Is it pride? I think perhaps theye fear that their credibility will be weakened if they ever apologize and weakened credibility is intolerable for them.
    I have no difficulty whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I'd say pride demands that I apologize if I am wrong. Wronging someone and not apologizing and doing penance is right up there among "crummiest feelings ever." However, I'm with the school of "Never apologize if you are not wrong." That demeans all involved.
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  8. #48
    Senior Member King sns's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    Why is it so hard for some people to say "I'm sorry" and mean it? I know overly apologetic people are annoying as hell, but this is not the thread to rant about them. I'm more perplexed by the people who can never apologize. I once heard someone say "Never apologize, even if you're wrong", and this person never apologizes either. I know several people like this. Is it pride? I think perhaps theye fear that their credibility will be weakened if they ever apologize and weakened credibility is intolerable for them.
    I have a lot of pride and it is very difficult to say "I'm sorry." Though it's getting easier to say, "I shouldn't have done that, it's my fault." I don't know what it is. It's just uncomfortable. If I don't mean it, I don't think twice about it. I will continue to assert that I'm right. If I do mean it, I usually just withdraw into myself until I can get the courage to say what I want to say.
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  9. #49
    Senior Member Viridian's Avatar
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    I say sorry a bit too often, because I'm never quite certain I was kind enough. Sometimes I even apologize without knowing what I'm apologizing for. To make things worse, I come off as a little emo, so my family mocks me whenever I say it without a good reason.

  10. #50
    pathwise dependent FDG's Avatar
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    For me, it's not hard to say if either one of these two factors is present:

    - I care about you, and you're hurt
    - I geniunely think I'm wrong

    this means that if you're not someone I deeply care about and I don't think I'm wrong...I'm unlikely to say I'm sorry. Might be why there's a rather big difference between my personal relationship "persona" and my work "persona" (esp. when I'm dealing with superiors). Basically if I like you enough I'll easily say I'm sorry even if I think I was/am right, unless it's a really big issue we're dealing with.
    As far as I can understand (unconscious motivations cannot be taken into account), I don't think my stance on this issue is influenced by pride. Still, I can come off as headstrong when I'm arguing about something intellectual with someone I don't know that well.
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