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  1. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Ugh, that just sounds like a get out of jail free card, people are assholes so no accountability right?
    I trust that people are doing what they have to to deal with the situation at hand. I think that ultimately that's what we are all doing....just trying to get by as happily as possible. I know I'm doing the same. I'm not sorry if how I choose to deal with a situation is disagreeable to others.

  2. #32
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mkenya View Post
    This.

    I'll acknowledge that my actions hurt people. How can they not? Everything I do has significance to others. I'll feel extremely bad about doing something that I thought was the right thing but hurt other people...I could easily lose sleep. In fact I do, frequently.

    But people expecting me to say "I'm sorry" to them is almost disrespectful to me. Of course I don't want to hurt other people. Of course I don't want to hurt you. If I ever did hurt you it's because I had no choice but to. Or I was unaware that I was doing it. So in those senses I'd say "I'm sorry that I had to make a choice that you didn't like." or "I'm sorry for not taking into account your situation when making my decision."

    Here is another example.

    Some people would label me an atheist.
    My grandma is very catholic.

    If she thought I was an atheist I wouldn't say "I'm sorry". I'd say "I'm sorry my religious beliefs are disagreeable to you". The difference is small but it's there. Does that make me an asshole? If it does...then I'm an asshole. Unapologetically.

    I'm not sorry that I think the whole religious thing is something that isn't for me. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying that I don't do religion like that. And I'm not sorry. I don't care if you are my mom, grandma, or whatever. If you can't respect that..then I'm sorry that our relationship has to be like that. I'm still willing to make the relationship work...but I'm not going to say I'm sorry. Because I'm not...
    I feel the same way about religion. and I agree with you but I think we are on completely different wavelengths. I think you are referring something of another vein from the OP.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    I feel the same way about religion. and I agree with you but I think we are on completely different wavelengths. I think you are referring something of another vein from the OP.
    Yeah, I gathered that. I just was explaining why I would never (rarely) say I'm sorry. Now for a brain teaser...Am I sorry? lol

  4. #34
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mkenya View Post
    Yeah, I gathered that. I just was explaining why I would never (rarely) say I'm sorry. Now for a brain teaser...Am I sorry? lol
    hahaha, that would be the dumbest thing to be sorry about!

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    I wish my person was like #2 because with her she just blames everything on PMS and exhaustion and rarely acknowledges or understands where the other person is coming from because it's all the other person's fault for reacting that way.
    ugh, no kidding. that's really annoying.

    Quote Originally Posted by Magic Poriferan View Post
    That made me think of my INTJ brother so much.
    sounds typical NJ. ime they don't tend to talk about what they are uncertain about.

    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    What I'm talking about in the OP is definitely #1.

    But I have known people like #2, and that was cool, except if they still keep repeating the offense over and over. which has happened to me before. at that point you can't really take their apologies to mean anything anymore.
    yeah, the spirit of 1 is much more like your OP.

    and yeah. that's really true. at that point it's just empty excuses.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    I typed a post, but then the forum went down....and I am NOT typing it again!
    The forum should apologize to you

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mkenya View Post
    This.

    I'll acknowledge that my actions hurt people. How can they not? Everything I do has significance to others. I'll feel extremely bad about doing something that I thought was the right thing but hurt other people...I could easily lose sleep. In fact I do, frequently.

    But people expecting me to say "I'm sorry" to them is almost disrespectful to me. Of course I don't want to hurt other people. Of course I don't want to hurt you. If I ever did hurt you it's because I had no choice but to. Or I was unaware that I was doing it. So in those senses I'd say "I'm sorry that I had to make a choice that you didn't like." or "I'm sorry for not taking into account your situation when making my decision."

    Here is another example.

    Some people would label me an atheist.
    My grandma is very catholic.

    If she thought I was an atheist I wouldn't say "I'm sorry". I'd say "I'm sorry my religious beliefs are disagreeable to you". The difference is small but it's there. Does that make me an asshole? If it does...then I'm an asshole. Unapologetically.

    I'm not sorry that I think the whole religious thing is something that isn't for me. I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just saying that I don't do religion like that. And I'm not sorry. I don't care if you are my mom, grandma, or whatever. If you can't respect that..then I'm sorry that our relationship has to be like that. I'm still willing to make the relationship work...but I'm not going to say I'm sorry. Because I'm not...


    i think the only danger in the bolded is that sometimes statements like that can come off haughty or sarcastic. not always, of course, but sometimes. i think sometimes a safer route could be a statement like "i'm sorry we disagree about religion." basically saying the same thing... but without addressing the other person explicitly, which could be interpreted as placing blame. perhaps you do this already though. just my train of thought

    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    I typed a post, but then the forum went down....and I am NOT typing it again!
    ...i'm sorry

  8. #38
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    Being sorry. You have to actually be sorry.
    Words without back up are worth very little.

  9. #39
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    I think people who avoid anything completely are a bit cowardly and scared. "Never say sorry"? I don't buy anything anyone can serve up as to why the word "sorry" should never leave their lips. It sounds selfish and cowardly to me, the concept of it.

    I understand people that don't say it often. There are people who reserve words for very rare occasions.. I can accept that. But usually those sort of people have adapted language to suit their needs and interactions with others to accomodate this type of behavior as well. They'll say something else that people can accept.

    To me, Sorry means one of three things:
    1. I am making a personal promise to someone to actively work on a concept or situation that created a negative atmosphere or event of some sort. I try not to break promises.. so if I apologize in this way, it is a big deal to me.. and so I can understand why others are hesitant to commit to a promise.
    2. I am sympathetic to a situation. I.e. "I am sorry for the disaster in Japan." There isn't really much that can be done, so apologizing just seems to fit where words lack.
    3. It is a filler response. I know that, for whatever reason, a situation will bore me or continue on needlessly until someone says something.. Apologies normally suit me well to get this annoyance off my back. You can usually tell, if you know me, when this is happening since I'll use it on strangers and passing-by people.
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  10. #40
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    IME it's pride that makes it difficult for a person to say sorry. And maybe there is insecurity associated with it too. I'm close to two people who don't say it, not ever. I make a point of underlining when they should. (I've noticed that the people I know who have difficulty with it felt quite victimized as children.) It's completely bizarre to me that some people can never say sorry.

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