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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThatGirl View Post
    Yeah, but I don't usually take forceful stances when I am ignorant of the bigger picture. Remaining passive until I am absolutely sure then causing harm once, leads to a lot less actual "mistakes" then just going off half cocked all the time with no perception of the damage it could cause.

    Most of the mistakes I make only harm myself. That leaves a very small margin to be sorry for in my interactions with other people.
    You strike me as being quite forceful about most of your stances. I would never call you a passive person. It just appears that you don't believe yourself to be wrong...if you don't believe yourself to be wrong.

  2. #12
    Glycerine
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    The one person who is like this rarely truly apologizes but then if you hurt them unintentionally, they will give you hell until you apologize to them.... fun times. People who can't apologize don't know how to take responsibility for their actions and rarely believe anything is ever their fault. That;s what I learned.

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Giggly View Post
    ThatGirl, do you only apologize if you were wrong about facts? What if you hurt someone you liked and cared about feelings?
    To be quite honest is it rare I would knowingly hurt the feelings of someone I care about.

    Usually the mistake is based on miscommunication of fact. In which a mutual agreement can be made to not find fault in either party directly.

    If I was completely wrong, or if I was being overly personal. I will apologize.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmie Dearest View Post
    You strike me as being quite forceful about most of your stances. I would never call you a passive person. It just appears that you don't believe yourself to be wrong...if you don't believe yourself to be wrong.
    True, it doesn't take me long to become sure, but the dynamic is there never the less.

  5. #15
    Freaking Ratchet Rail Tracer's Avatar
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    Giggly...do you mean someone just saying "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry that I...."?

    If all I am doing is saying "I'm Sorry"

    I won't say it.

    If I am apologizing by saying "I'm sorry that I [insert the rest of the sentence.]"

    Then I am willing to.

    Saying I'm sorry without an explanation defeats the purpose. You are sorry... for......? Until you understand what you are sorry for, then it feels pointless to just say I'm sorry. I want YOU to understand what I am sorry for as well as whether YOU understand what you are sorry for.

    However, there are some cases I won't apologize unless the other person understands what the other person has done to provoke me. But there are also some cases where apologizing just raises a question mark. It is sort of like... you don't really need to apologize you know.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pitseleh View Post
    The one person who is like this rarely truly apologizes but then if you hurt them unintentionally, they will give you hell until you apologize to them.... fun times. People who can't apologize don't know how to take responsibility for their actions and rarely believe anything is ever their fault. That;s what I learned.
    I would say it's almost the exact opposite. People who don't apologize know exactly how their actions affect everything and take extreme care in how they choose to let those interaction affect things. If a person is aware of a situation...aware of how that situation will affect other people...is forced into a decision that not everyone will like...but still at the end of the day has to make a decision then in my book he has nothing to apologize for. Even if that decision sucks for me personally.

    An example..
    I played risk last night. I was the first one outed. The guy who outed me didn't apologize. He did nothing wrong. He was playing the game. Did it suck for me? Yes. If I was him would I have done the exact same thing? Yes.

    So why should he apologize? Why should anyone?

  7. #17
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mkenya
    People who don't apologize know exactly how their actions affect everything and take extreme care in how they choose to let those interaction affect things.
    i really wish this were true for all people who do not apologize. in my experience, it is not. though i do know a few people like this. i think it's generally okay not to apologize as long as you acknowledge how your actions affect or may have affected others.

    for example - two totally opposite examples of people who do not say "i'm sorry" --

    1. i had this old friend of my insult the crap out of me (unintentional but really blatant), then when i told her i was hurt and offended, she told me that she felt bad that i interpreted it like that, but she never acknowledged that her words may have conveyed a message of belittlement. she was taken aback by my statement and defended herself. her tone was self-righteous throughout our interactions.

    2. i have another friend who never really apologizes via "i'm sorry", but he'll say something like "i can see how ______ could make you feel that way. but it wasn't my intention.", or "maybe you were right about _____, i probably shouldn't have ______. i just did it because ______." and that's cool with me, because he's acknowledging the dynamic between us and the fact that he may have participated in the miscommunication.


    2 is so much different than 1 because 2 shows respect and compassion. it's not an explicit apology, but it is an acknowledgment. that's what i'm looking for more than apology when i tell someone that i feel hurt or offended. just a demonstration that the other person does respect myself and my perspective. the problem with 1 is that she refused to see outside her own perspective for the sake of understanding me - she was only interested in asserting herself. i have not interacted with her since.

  8. #18
    ThatGirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mkenya View Post
    I would say it's almost the exact opposite. People who don't apologize know exactly how their actions affect everything and take extreme care in how they choose to let those interaction affect things. If a person is aware of a situation...aware of how that situation will affect other people...is forced into a decision that not everyone will like...but still at the end of the day has to make a decision then in my book he has nothing to apologize for. Even if that decision sucks for me personally.

    An example..
    I played risk last night. I was the first one outed. The guy who outed me didn't apologize. He did nothing wrong. He was playing the game. Did it suck for me? Yes. If I was him would I have done the exact same thing? Yes.

    So why should he apologize? Why should anyone?
    Ugh, that just sounds like a get out of jail free card, people are assholes so no accountability right?

  9. #19
    Senior Member Stigmata's Avatar
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    [Obligatory embracing common NT characteristics post] I never say sorry, I'm omniscient. I just smile down on all ignorant pissants who have somehow perceived something I've said to be offensive, as their feeble minds cannot comprehend the truth.[/Obligatory embracing common NT characteristics post]

    No but seriously, It's not hard at all for me to say I'm sorry. It's only heartfelt about 5% of the time, the rest of the time I just sorta say it because it resolves unwanted conflict fairly easy when it comes to something I really don't care enough to argue about, and because I've been socially conditioned to do so.

  10. #20
    No moss growing on me Giggly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Takeru View Post
    Giggly...do you mean someone just saying "I'm sorry" or "I'm sorry that I...."?

    If all I am doing is saying "I'm Sorry"

    I won't say it.

    If I am apologizing by saying "I'm sorry that I [insert the rest of the sentence.]"

    Then I am willing to.

    Saying I'm sorry without an explanation defeats the purpose. You are sorry... for......? Until you understand what you are sorry for, then it feels pointless to just say I'm sorry. I want YOU to understand what I am sorry for as well as whether YOU understand what you are sorry for.

    However, there are some cases I won't apologize unless the other person understands what the other person has done to provoke me.
    The latter. but for the sake curiosity, I ask, what is the purpose of wanting them to understand what they are sorry for?

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